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Original poster

Need some support

27 replies

Phoenixrising2020 · 01/10/2021 04:48

I have Covid-19 and so do my children. My husband is being really difficult, I asked him to go and get me cough medicine yesterday and do different things to help and he replied that he felt like a gopher as he had been out for food etc. I am trying very hard to push through but I feel ill and tired. It has now transpired that he has arranged to volunteer for 2 hours at his hobby tomorrow and is going to a concert on Saturday night. We are separated anyway because of loads of examples of this kind of thing but I just needed to tell someone that he's being a shit. There's a worldwide epidemic and he is just carrying on. I just had to put this out there. Thank you for reading this, I am going to try to sleep a bit more.

OP posts:
icklekid · 01/10/2021 04:52

I was going to say surely one of you goes out to get food every week but saw your separated. Whilst it would be pretty normal for him to support his family at this time if your not together I’d try not to rely on him, are there friends who could help instead that you won’t get this grief from? Can you order cough medicine from Amazon instead/ do an online food shop so your not reliant on him?

Original poster
Phoenixrising2020 · 01/10/2021 04:58

Thank you, good ideas. I am a bit isolated and we usually shop daily but he has been responsible for that side of things whole I have been ill (by agreement)). I think you're right about Amazon, I genuinely didn't know that was possible and it solves a lot of issues. I will do that and journal how independent I am being, it will help strengthen me 🙂. Thanks so much for replying, I am up with a bad stomach and just feeling a bit vulnerable.

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Original poster
Phoenixrising2020 · 01/10/2021 05:04

I have just remembered that our local council had a scheme to help people in this position if that helps anyone else, it might be worth me looking at that too. I definitely need some proper 'separation boundaries' and responsibilities drawing up. It's all fairly recent so I shall just be glad it isn't worse.

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Blessex · 01/10/2021 05:06

Well yes he is being a dick. You may be separated but it is his children I am assuming that have Covid too! He is their parent. You are sick. He should then help ffs.

walksen · 01/10/2021 05:10

"There's a worldwide epidemic and he is just carrying on"

To be fair, the government have told us (and prior to that many posters on here) have told us to live with it!

It's also a common narrative that kids don't get sick and covid is a minor sniffle for most people.

Blessex · 01/10/2021 05:13

@walksen yep that may be true for the kids but I am separated from my DH. If he had the kids living with him and he was feeling very poorly because of Covid what do you think I would do? I would go and make sure my kids were ok and being looked after. Especially if they were ill as well - however mildly.

Original poster
Phoenixrising2020 · 01/10/2021 05:14

He does the bare minimum and takes his time to do that! They are our children and this sort of thing is why we are separated and eventually divorcing. Thanks Blessex.

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itsgettingwierd · 01/10/2021 05:14

@Blessex

Well yes he is being a dick. You may be separated but it is his children I am assuming that have Covid too! He is their parent. You are sick. He should then help ffs.
That's exactly what I thought.

Even if he doesn't care for you physically and emotionally he shouldn't be going out and leaving his children in the care of someone who is too ill to provide it. Separated or not

Original poster
Phoenixrising2020 · 01/10/2021 05:23

Walksen, if that were the case I wouldn't be asking him for help! Never mind, I am tired and angry. It won't last forever

but it's impact has been rather harsh. The separation situation is new but when I have garnered some support I will draw up some ground rules. The timing is just unfortunate. I want my ex to be happy, we are trying hard to be friends, it's just a rough time and I am a bit isolated. Thank you for replying🙂

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Silkieschickens · 01/10/2021 05:25

Sorry to hear you are all ill and your husband isn't helping you or the kids.

I am also ill with covid and my daughter has been too, luckily for us I married a kind man who helps us (and we also live next to the shop with medicines in). I believe there is a NHS scheme to help people as well though not needed it myself but looks like it should offer help: nhsvolunteerresponders.org.uk/services/eligible

Hope you can get some help and hope you get better soon.

Original poster
Phoenixrising2020 · 01/10/2021 05:25

Thanks everyone, we are all still in the same house. I must get some more sleep 🙂

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onelittlefrog · 01/10/2021 05:27

Umm. He shouldn't be leaving the house at all if you all have Covid.

kateg27 · 01/10/2021 05:28

So he's already been shopping for food? Why didn't you ask him to get cough medicine then?
Also why can't he volunteer and go to a concert. I wouldn't stop my partner doing that and we live together. I'm sure you can manage a few hours. Order take away for the kids and stick a film on for them.
You don't say how poorly the kids are. You just mention he isn't doing things for you.

strawberrydonuts · 01/10/2021 05:30

If someone in your household has Covid then you have to isolate.

None of you should be popping to the shops. At all.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/covid-19-stay-at-home-guidance/stay-at-home-guidance-for-households-with-possible-coronavirus-covid-19-infection#samehousehold

strawberrydonuts · 01/10/2021 05:33

[quote strawberrydonuts]If someone in your household has Covid then you have to isolate.

None of you should be popping to the shops. At all.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/covid-19-stay-at-home-guidance/stay-at-home-guidance-for-households-with-possible-coronavirus-covid-19-infection#samehousehold[/quote]
Sorry - this only applies if he isn't fully vaccinated

Original poster
Phoenixrising2020 · 01/10/2021 05:40

I am wide awake now.

Kate, I asked him. That is part of the issue. The children aren't mentioned because I am meeting their needs. They are poorly with high temperatures and nasty coughs. These situations are complex and I feel too rotten to give a full explanation. I posted for support and your suggestions are good ones

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Original poster
Phoenixrising2020 · 01/10/2021 05:43

Thanks Strawberry, he has been. It is just a difficult time.

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Blessex · 01/10/2021 06:07

Gosh people are being harsh. Seriously, as said, if my kids were living with my ex DH (which they don’t, they live with me, but theoretically) and my ex DH was super poorly with Covid and my kids were too. Firstly I would bloody well help my ex DH because that’s just the kind thing to do. And secondly I would make sure my kids were ok too. Especially if they were sick and being looked after by a sick parent. Blimey how people live their lives!

Original poster
Phoenixrising2020 · 01/10/2021 06:32

Thanks Blessex, I just wanted some support, it's a difficult time. I reall do think that some posters read an OP, go straight back to their education and are waiting for someone to praise their critical thinking abilities.

He really does need to do more, I feel dreadful and I am taking care of the children. I know he won't and that's why we are separated. As you say, if he were the primary carer and it would be a case of me helping all I could. Thank you for understanding.

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Original poster
Phoenixrising2020 · 01/10/2021 06:38

Silkies, I didn't see your post earlier. I am so sorry you and DD have been ill, it is lousy. I am glad that you have good support, it makes a massive difference. I had a look at the NHS page and I will be in touch with them this morning. Thank you.

OP posts:
icklekid · 01/10/2021 06:48

Your doing an amazing job and whilst poorly, however taking away the expectations of what you know he’s unlikely to do might just be one less thing to be frustrated about. It is hard and your so welcome to vent, hope the council or similar can help. At the start of the pandemic lots of areas had strangers helping each other for shopping etc so it’s hard to accept why someone you’ve loved and had children with won’t help. I do get that. If you were close to me I would help. You will be so much stronger once apart but never worry about asking from help from others just because he is an arse about it.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 01/10/2021 06:55

I dunno, I'm divorced and DS and I had Covid last month. I didn't expect my ex husband to do my shopping for me, he's my ex! Obviously we don't live together though.

Mindymomo · 01/10/2021 06:58

I’m so very sorry you are feeling rough and sorry that your DH isn’t willing to help. I guess you really get to know someone when you are ill and needing help. I bet if it were the other way round and he was ill, he would expect you to run around after him. Amazon do deliver almost everything, so it might be an idea to get a few things at once, I believe Nightnurse helps with sleeping.

Original poster
Phoenixrising2020 · 01/10/2021 06:59

Thanks for your lovely post Ickle. You are absolutely right about letting go of expectations though! He isn't the person that I thought he was and it can be difficult to accept.

I will do an online shop tomorrow and contact NHS responders today.

Everyone is currently asleep so I have come to get a drink and some painkillers and I will doze until they get back up and just pass the day gently.

Venting has definitely helped, I am rather isolated after a difficult marriage and I just needed other humans to tell. I am very grateful for any support.

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Original poster
Phoenixrising2020 · 01/10/2021 07:06

Glad you're better Waxon. H was asked to get me some cough medicine and refused. It's complex 🙁.
Thanks Mindy, I will try Nightnurse.

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