Im never going to get past the pandemic, am I?

[BucksStar]

I don’t see how I am ever going to be able to accept that Covid is part of our lives. I just can’t.

My daughter was born just before lockdown 1 and as a first time mum I will never forget the fear of something taking me away from my baby, that something was Covid.

I’ve spent the majority of my daughters life social distancing, washing shopping, wearing masks.
I don’t know how to be “normal” anymore, like pre pandemic normal.

I’m double vaccinated but I’m still petrified of Covid.

There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t think about it. I don’t enjoy pre pandemic activities as I feel like I’m living my life / spending my time trying to avoid catching Covid.

I’m so envious when I see people now enjoying life, looking / acting normal.

I don’t understand how we’ve gone from all these restrictions to absolutely nothing.

I really don’t see how I can comfortably live like I used to knowing that Covid is still around and in very high numbers.

I want to be a fun happy mum, but instead I’m anxious and fearful.

I hate taking my daughter places Incase she touches things or gets too close to other babies.

I would love to hear from others who might feel the same way I do.

My son is about the same age as your daughter. It's been a tough time for alot of people but I think the isolation of a pandemic baby is really really tough. I definetly think it's important to talk to your GP or health visitor about your feelings.

I had post natal depression ( although it presented differently) both my GP and work were amazing while I addressed it and I'm so much better for it. Please ask for help

[quote strugglingmummy2021]@BucksStar I could have written your post, word for word. I had a baby at exactly the same time as you too. First baby too. I struggle a lot and I have had extensive counselling, which hasn't helped much.

The media and actually Mumsnet is a huge trigger for me. I actually feel really happy when I see people going about their business and putting treating the COVID risk rationally. I have also become more concerned about all kinds of cancers and health risks in general. It's living hell really, most days. I have no outlet, other than comforting myself with food. It's a sorry state of affairs.

In any case, I just want you to know that you're not alone. My counsellor said she is speaking to so many mums that are struggling with it. She also said that it's a completely normal response in some people after what we've been through and the way we've been bombarded with horrible COVID news and COVID deaths for almost two years. So, it's not surprising to react to it this way. Get yourself to the GP. But you're not weird and you're NOT alone ! [/quote]
@strugglingmummy2021

I hear you. I too have sought comfort in food and it’s such a hard cycle break.

It’s nice to know I’m not alone though I’m
sad you’re suffering too. ♥️

I can’t imagine how difficult it must have been having a baby just before we went into lockdown. I’m not surprised that it triggered so much fear for you. I completely understand as I already struggled with health related anxiety pre pandemic and have found the past 18 months really hard. I’ve had some cbt which has really helped me, I’d definitely recommend getting some support, as it’s helped me so much to understand and address some of my thought processes, which has really helped to lower my anxiety. It’s important to see a counsellor who is a good fit for it to be beneficial though. I made very limited progress with the person I was referred too but then saw someone who had been recommended to me and it helped me so much. One important thing to realise is that anxiety and all the things you’ve been doing are a really natural response to the situation we’ve been in so please don’t beat yourself up about it but as you’ve recognised it’s not a healthy or easy way to live now the threat has lessened but isn’t going away either. Like you I sometimes feel like I don’t quite know how to function in the world we are now living in but I’m just trying to take very small steps out of my comfort zone each week. You’ve done amazingly starting your daughter at nursery and signing up for classes too but try and get some support to understand and address the natural anxiety you feel, to help you to adapt to the world we are living in. Go easy on yourself but make sure you get some support to help you process what you’ve been through and to understand and start to tackle your anxiety too. It’s definitely one of the best things I’ve done. A huge well done for the steps you’ve taken so far.

@Aimee1987

I’ve looked at PND before and I wasn’t sure
that i fit the description.

I don’t feel depressed, just overwhelmingly worried.

It's also possible to have postnatal anxiety. Please talk to your health visitor or GP and see what they suggest x

Just to add, as someone else has said it’s also ok to focus on park trips and outdoor activities too. It’s perfectly rational for the time being to largely focus on outdoor activities and meet ups or just meet friends / family indoors if you feel comfortable while cases are still fairly high or to wear a nice protective mask if you opt to go to indoor toddler groups. Do you have any forest school type toddler groups where you are? That could be a good option too.

I also had baby just as lockdown started. We did restrict the first few months, but now, I figure dh and I are double vaccinated, we generally avoid huge crowds anyway, and aren’t using public transport anyway. Dh and I both work from home. So when we do meet people, I’m happy to let baby go to anyone, be held etc..
it would be far more detrimental to his health mentally if he gets to 2+ years having little physical contact with people

I think the media is problematic OP (and I doubt that Mumsnet is helping either). For perspective... pre-Covid, if we'd heard daily updates about how many people had - and were dying from - the flu every winter, a lot more people would be terrified of the flu. Sometimes knowledge isn't power.

Honestly I think we may as well accept that we are probably all going to get Covid at some point. I currently have it and it's been like having a cold. 8yo DS has it too and he's had it even more mildly than me. If you're double vaxxed and under 50 the chance of you being seriously ill are minuscule.

I think it's perfectly normal for new mums to by suddenly hyper aware their responsibilities and to worry what would happen if they were not there for their baby. I can imagine Covid has heightened these feelings.

@BucksStar just wondered how you are getting on? I gave birth to my first at the same time as you and have been feeling the exact same. I found it v hard as I struggled to concieve so think the implications of that plus covid really impacted on me. I also found out I was pregnant with no. 2 and am due in Dec. I promised myself I would get out once double vaxxed and reclaim my life for me but mostly my son but now I feel like I am more isolated then ever and that everyone is getting on with it and feel like I will be left behind as people think I am neurotic when all I want to do is keep my family safe. Other then walks and trips to the park (not the playground) my baby sees no one and no other children. I also have fears about other things hurting the baby and my pregnancy. Just wondered if you've taken any professionals steps and if they've helped? I know it doesn't help our situation but take some comfort in knowing you're not the only one ❤️

I can completely understand how you could get into this cycle of anxiety. But while it’s common and understandable, it’s not normal, so you do need to seek a bit of help to get out of the habit (and that’s what anxiety is!)

You can go to see your GP of course - but ime they’re not very good with anxiety and probably especially not at the moment when you’ll join a long queue of people in a similar situation.

You could take a look at the Thrive programme - it’s amazing and will empower you to cure this.

Don’t be too hard on yourself, I think you are having a fairly normal reaction for a new mum.

Anxiety is heightened when we have babies. I remember seeing a cartoon by Kate Evans about two mums who have a baby with spots. One mother was freaking out and taking the baby to the doctors, the other was calm and decided not to put their baby in their pink dress as it might clash. The question was, which baby was more likely to survive? It is likely to be that evolution has probably favoured the more anxious mother as it actually helps our offspring survive.

However it does get to a point where this anxiety is detrimental to the mother and it would be nice not to feel so crappy.

It’s good to be a little cautious still, but if you are feeling awful you could pop and see your GP. I also think a lot of people are feeling like you do now. We’ve been through a lot. I’m finding it difficult to get back to normal as are most of my friends. Xx

@BucksStar

I don’t see how I am ever going to be able to accept that Covid is part of our lives. I just can’t.

My daughter was born just before lockdown 1 and as a first time mum I will never forget the fear of something taking me away from my baby, that something was Covid.

I’ve spent the majority of my daughters life social distancing, washing shopping, wearing masks.
I don’t know how to be “normal” anymore, like pre pandemic normal.

I’m double vaccinated but I’m still petrified of Covid.

There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t think about it. I don’t enjoy pre pandemic activities as I feel like I’m living my life / spending my time trying to avoid catching Covid.

I’m so envious when I see people now enjoying life, looking / acting normal.

I don’t understand how we’ve gone from all these restrictions to absolutely nothing.

I really don’t see how I can comfortably live like I used to knowing that Covid is still around and in very high numbers.

I want to be a fun happy mum, but instead I’m anxious and fearful.

I hate taking my daughter places Incase she touches things or gets too close to other babies.

I would love to hear from others who might feel the same way I do.

Hi OP.

My daughter was born June 2020 so I totally understand how you're feeling. Not only did I have the anxiety of attending medical appointments alone, my partner wasn't there during the vast majority of my labour.

After hospital I became SO anxious of anyone being near my daughter, touching her etc. For the first 3 months, the only person she had met was my mum. I had a bit of a mare because when restrictions were reduced in the summer, we decided she could spend the day with her other set of grandparents on DPs side while we went for lunch and shopping. They failed to tell us they all had nasty colds and she came back with the same. This then led me going on a bit of a rampage and not letting anyone hold her again!

I really really worked myself up about this so I totally get it. I would genuinely spend nights crying thinking 'oh why did we take her to the supermarket today, what a stupid thing to do'. But during the newborn stage, I barely left the house with her which in turn messed up my mental health.

Please talk to your GP. My health visitor was rubbish but yours may be better? I started a low dose of citalopram and after about 2 months it has taken the edge off my worries. I am much, much less worried in general about this now.

Although, almost ironically, I have caught covid from a recent hospital stay and now I'm hiding myself away to be nowhere near my baby

This is perfectly normal feeling. I had my baby around the same time and whilst she mixes in nursery I hate the complacency I see around me and lack of care these days. I'm nervous about going back to work in the office on public transport too.

It's hard for others to understand who haven't been through new motherhood in that same period. The mothering instinct to protect your child and your family is so strong anyway, but to have to experience that for the first time as the pandemic was ramping up with so much fear and uncertainty was a whole other level.

I would say to take small steps to explore those freedoms you feel comfortable with and to take it at your own pace. Concentrate on the things you can control rather than the things you can't.
Sending support and empathy!

The sad reality is I’ve learned to become a mum whilst living In a pandemic and now I don’t know how to be a mum in “normal” times.

You’ve knocked the nail on the head there. It’s really hard to unlearn all these behaviours. It’s almost criminal how much fear the government put into people. Everywhere we went there were posters telling us to stay home, save lives, socially distance and then almost out of nowhere it’s back to crack on with it. It’s almost psychological warfare!!

OP, it's natural to want to protect your kids and many new parents have worries about harm coming to their kids in normal times. I too had a baby just before lockdown and it is very different to how it was with my other two. Being a first time mum must make it a million times harder. Several friends have had babies (not first babies) during this time and all said the same thing. Your child is at nursery, so getting interaction with other kids.

The other thing that struck me was you saying you know how to be a parent in a pandemic, but not in normal times. Please remember that although we are trying to return to normal, and a genuine normal would be lovely, things aren't normal and we are in a pandemic. People are rightfully anxious - even if this is sad, there is reason. There are impacts from lockdown and impacts from letting covid run rife - government handling has been extremely woeful. Managing anxiety, whilst accepting there is a reason for it, is hard if the reason hasn't gone away. If it's starting to spill over into other areas, then maybe look at how you could manage those.

Are there activities you can do with your child that are comfortable for you both? How would you feel about taking your child to feed the ducks or playing in the woods or going to a farm or just finding some big puddles to jump in for example?