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Covid

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Original poster

Help me handle this

57 replies

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 14/08/2021 19:44

A friend is hosting a small party to celebrate another friend's significant birthday. Due to poor weather forecast, the host has said the event will be indoors. A couple of the group won't socialise indoors and have been going to each of the rest of us independently to say how mean that is as they will now be excluded, she's only doing that to make it easier for her . I've told them that it wouldn't be pleasant for those who are ok to be indoors if they have to shiver outside to keep those who want it be outside happy. Apparently that makes the rest of us selfish, as we know they won't mix indoors . Host has. suggested everyone comes for pre-drinks outside, move in for food, at which point they could leave, which they have declined. Their choice, But it's causing a real rift and the Host is really upset,
How do I help make this better?

So as not to drip feed.... all been double vaccinated, no underlying conditions (as far as I know but a close knit group so am sure there aren't any), none of us work in environments that might make us vulnerable.

My personal view is that I respect people's wishes to continue isolating themselves from others, even though I think that's a bit OTT if not vulnerable, but don't think they should be bad mouthing those who are ready to move on.

Help please!

OP posts:

Original poster

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 14/08/2021 20:36

@lannistunut sorry, didn't mean to ignore your question. Birthday person happy to be indoors and is embarrassed that host has been made to feel bad. They feel a bit like the host that either the 'outside only' people will be upset that they are excluded, or the indoors folk will not enjoy it as it won't be pleasant outside

OP posts:

lannistunut · 14/08/2021 20:36

I think overall this is sad, but probably unresolveable, and maybe many friendship groups are going to realign around preferred activities.

You are dealing with a very 2021 dilemma!

There was another thread about choirs, and someone posted they book out rooms to choirs, and they were getting about half attendance. There's going to be a lot of this.

lannistunut · 14/08/2021 20:37

If the birthday person is prioritising indoors then that is probaby that!

Original poster

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 14/08/2021 20:38

I agree, and of course people have to deal with these strange times as they see fit. But don't make other people feel bad if they won't rearrange things that suit the majority.

OP posts:

lljkk · 14/08/2021 20:56

They want the party to be outside, I quote ' we can put coats and hats on and bring blankets like we have done all year'.

But we haven't.... I mean, not trying to be pedant, but we weren't allowed to gather in groups at all much of last 18m, and when we did there was Rule of 6 or just rule of 1-extra-person/bubbles to stick to. And even when allowed to mix, there often was 2m+ to try to stick to. It's not like there's just been one condition to stick to most of last year. Was hugging banned or not? - Who knows.

OP's Indoor-only-couple-mates are stirrers, sadly.
Send the host our moral support, OP!!

Original poster

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 14/08/2021 21:01

@lljkk I just copied what they wrote - but there were times we could meet outside in small numbers and I think that is what they were referring to.

I'll pass on to the host, she is taking this quite hard.

OP posts:

SlipperyDippery · 14/08/2021 21:02

@lannistunut

I asked this earlier - I don't think there was an answer - sorry if I missed it: What does the person with the birthday want more - indoors or everyone there?

That’s a false premise because she probably won’t get everyone there if she has it outdoors. I wouldn’t go to an outdoor rainy party when it could just be indoors and I suspect the same is true of a lot of people.

lljkk · 14/08/2021 21:04

how many people expected at this birthday party?

lljkk · 14/08/2021 21:04

*including the complainer-outdoors-only-couple

Original poster

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 14/08/2021 21:10

@lljkk

how many people expected at this birthday party?

8 - 10

OP posts:

MRex · 14/08/2021 21:12

I don't trust weather reports and would have kept an indoor and outdoor option open anyway; a gazebo or parasol would help. It's up to the host though, and it's a reasonable compromise up have the drinks outside, so it's unfair for her to be criticised for that.

LilyPond2 · 14/08/2021 21:34

I would say that it's the birthday person's prerogative to decide how to celebrate their birthday, but that people who organise indoor social gatherings at this time need to be understanding of the fact that invitees who are cautious about Covid may decide not to attend. I think you should stick to that line and try to avoid getting into long arguments on the subject. It's not unreasonable for someone to organise an indoor gathering. Equally, it's not unreasonable for someone to turn down an invitation to an indoor social gathering because they don't want to take the risk of catching Covid.

Original poster

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 14/08/2021 22:19

@LilyPond2 I totally agree, but the issue here is that those who won't meet indoors are calling the host selfish, and it is embarrassing for both the host and the birthday person.

I would say that it's the birthday person's prerogative to decide how to celebrate their birthday
Birthday person has gratefully accepted host's offer to put on this 'do', and is happy to be indoors. Birthday person is being lobbied by the 'outsiders' to tell the host it has to be outside so all can attend.
Seriously it feels like the school playground and we're all usually so pragmatic.

OP posts:

Katie517 · 14/08/2021 22:48

I assume the sit outdoors people are comfortably working from home hence their inability to adapt to mixing indoors again. It’s odd how people who have had no choice but to go out to work are just getting on with it but the WFH shopping delivered brigade want everyone to pander to their anxieties and inability to get back to normal.

Original poster

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 14/08/2021 23:11

@Katie517 they do work from home and have shopping delivered - but so do most of the others.

I do have sympathy with people who are anxious about mixing inside, but I don't think they can take offence when others won't change plans to suit them.

OP posts:

Rainbowsandstorms · 14/08/2021 23:12

I think there has to be respect and understanding on both sides and it sounds like the host has been understanding. I fall into the uncomfortable meeting indoors camp but I certainly don’t expect anything to be planned around me. I just hope my friends will be understanding and respectful if I decline any indoor invitations. I’ve been very clear that I’m keen for my friends to go out for dinner etc without me, as I don’t want to stop them from doing nice things, likewise I’ve been very happy when the weather is nice and they’ve fitted around me and met outdoors I think the idea of pre dinner drinks outside is a lovely compromise. I’m sorry you’re all being put in this position.

jumpbounce · 14/08/2021 23:54

I wouldn't mix indoors OP due to having a CEV child so wouldn't want to take the risk however I also wouldn't expect everyone else to stand out in the rain just for me.
If it was originally planned for outdoors and the weather was good etc and then it was changed to indoors I might be a little miffed but when it's clearly been moved to indoors due to poor weather I would just bow out, offer my apologies that I would no longer be attending and hope everyone else enjoyed their evening.

lannistunut · 15/08/2021 06:27

Whilst I agree with @Rainbowsandstorms and @jumpbounce, I think we have to be careful of attitudes like that expressed by @Katie517 - there will be a lot of broken friendships if we refer to people who do things differently as a 'brigade' etc.

The least said on all sides the better as everyone is trying to navigate through this.

If cases were low like last summer, I think most would be indoors too. But the UK situation isn't great, and so it is inevitable we are all finding our way a bit messily. No one is a 'brigade', just people.

Knittingupastorm · 15/08/2021 06:37

Covid aside, it’s rude to demand someone change their birthday plans because they don’t suit you. If a friend of mine arranged a birthday event that involved something I really didn’t want to do/couldn’t do (for example a time/date/location that I couldn’t make work with other commitments) I wouldn’t demand they change it. I’d say, “really sorry I can’t make it, hope you have fun, we’ll have to arrange to see each another time”
Weird to think you can dictate someone else’s birthday.

Stuffin · 15/08/2021 06:45

Sometimes you just have to be firm with people. It is up to the host how they have a party including any changes as long as they are communicated. The couple need to bow out graciously and if they can't do that I would be tempted to just send a firm text that it's now indoors and won't be changed as the majority do not want to be outside in poor weather.

everythingthelighttouches · 15/08/2021 07:33

No. They should have gracefully bowed out. It’s incredibly selfish of them making this fuss and embarrassing the host.

They obviously have no care for the friendship group or the host so I would be giving them a wide birth.

Unless there is some major health issue that you’ve all been aware of? Chemotherapy?

PS I’ve been working from home, avoiding supermarkets and am unsure whether I’ll return to choir indoors in September depending on case numbers. I wouldn’t dream of putting my friends in such an awkward position.

This is not a wfh vs had to go out to work thing, this is a selfish arse thing.

Original poster

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 15/08/2021 07:36

Thanks everyone. I'm getting it from all sides - the lovely host who is really upset about the whole thing, and the person angry that she and DH are being 'excluded' by it being moved inside. And the birthday person is feeling guilty about the upset this is causing. I've said the same to each of them, that people can choose not to socialise indoors but they cannot expect people to accommodate that when it means a less pleasant time for the majority.
There will only be 8-10 of us, in a very large room with windows open, all double jabbed. yes of course there is a risk but tiny. I should add that the couple in question are happy to see their adult DCs and families indoors - which is different, apparently, because they are family.... when in COVID terms, they are separate households and therefore no less risky than the party group, but that logic was lost on them.
Hopefully it will all settle down so that we can have great time.

OP posts:

mrssunshinexxx · 15/08/2021 07:50

Take lateral flows before if all negative then a lot less reason to worry

ButteringMyArse · 15/08/2021 10:24

I'd tell the no indoor socialising couple to wind their selfish, hypocritical necks in.

lannistunut · 15/08/2021 10:29

@ButteringMyArse

I'd tell the no indoor socialising couple to wind their selfish, hypocritical necks in.

Yes, this will really help improve the general vibe

The best thing to do would be to calm down and say less.

No one can fix it anyway.

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