Grandparents STILL will not see us

[Komandoo]

I was wondering if anyone else is in this situation. I am feeling very sad. We have 3 sets of grandparents (DHs divorced and remarried) and have not seen any since Christmas 2019.

My parents live 3 hours away but say staying with us or in a hotel is too much of a risk due to covid. They originally said they would meet up after being vaccinated but have now changed their minds as they feel the vaccine is not sufficiently protective. We have offered to stay locally to them and meet them outdoors but they say it is too much expense and hassle for us.

My DHs Mum is also too worried to visit although her husband is ill which makes things understandably tricky. His Dad will be visiting for the first time soon but refuses to meet the grandchildren and will just be going out for lunch with my husband.

The whole situation makes me feel so sad. We have a nearly 2 year old who has only met his grandparents once when he was 3 months old.

I can't see things getting any safer this year. I have said to all grandparents that this summer makes more sense to meet up than in the winter when our older son is mixing at school. They said they would rather wait and see how things pan out.

It makes me so sad seeing other families getting back to normal. Neither my husband or I have any other family and prior to covid had a good relationship with our parents.

They have been out but mainly just to the supermarket, local shops and garden centre

So multiple rates of exposure weekly - and very very optional outings when everything can be delivered.
I am sorry op but someone that was truly terrified would not be going to the above. They would still be having the shopping delivered and doing the daily walk only (as others I know that are still frightened) Maybe time to face the fact they may not be that interested, and this has given them the perfect excuse.

My friend is having the same problem, and then she found out they were seeing the neighbours in the garden for drinks and the occasional BBQ every week, and had been in other people's houses for 'small celebrations' only. I am not sure their relationship will fully recovered, she is so hurt and offended and understandably so.

We are in the same position with the ILs I’m not sure they are that fussed about covid I think they have become quite isolated over the last 18 months and anything beyond home or their immediate area is too tiring.

We’ve asked them to visit us (and stay over guest room with en-suite so quite comfortable) but no too tiring, too far. We’ve asked to meet them half way for lunch, got a vague excuse, non committal.
We used to stay with them but no invite has been received.

Quite frankly I don’t think they can be bothered. They see their GC on social media and that’s enough. I’m incredibly frustrated that they are missing out on so much of our daughters life. She had just started walking when we last saw them now she is 3 and a whole different person.

I’m over compensating with regular trips to see my parents 3 hours away but we’ve given up on the ILs now. There are only so many times you can be rejected.

As you say does make sense to see them now when the children are not in nursery or school imo. You cannot force them to see you though - they are obviously very anxious.

To me outside meets sounds great. The risk is much lower outside. Meeting in the next month outside would be ideal before the weather turns. Also you could lateral flow tests beforehand? Would that make them feel a bit better?

Other than that, I don't know what to suggest!

I have a guilty feeling every time I visit my grandma. The what if I had covid without knowing but it's a risk she's willing to take now. After isolating for so long she'd rather see us with precautions than her not seeing everyone at all. She is lonely since becoming a widow and doesn't want to spend her last years alone even if it means more risk 😢

This is really sad. Tomorrow is never promised.

My dad (so my son's grandad) has stage 4 cancer and barely even shielded. Now he completely back to normal, going to the pub etc. He looks after his grandchildren a couple of days a week during the holidays and after school. He spends a lot of time with us walking in the countryside.

He says life's too short.

My OHs parents however, who have nothing that makes them CEV have barely seen my child since 2019 and live 5 minutes away.

Some people are still scared and some people are enjoying not having to see anyone.

The first lot - frustrating but understandable

The second lot - off you fuck then

We are in the same position with the ILs I’m not sure they are that fussed about covid I think they have become quite isolated over the last 18 months and anything beyond home or their immediate area is too tiring.

Yep, that's my in-laws! They're happier with the way things are now. They are losing their relationship with their grand children and it's entirely their loss. They were pretty shit before tbh. Never took the kids anywhere but at least they had them for tea once a week

How close were you before?
I mean, we have chosen not to ‘return to normal’ but by that what I mean is we now won’t spend our precious free time meeting up with people when we don’t enjoy their company. That does include some family members. Having known 4 people who died of covid it was a wake up call that our lives are short and we want to enjoy the time we have. I know that is selfish. And yes, some people have badgered us to meet up. We haven’t used covid as an excuse but we are just ‘very busy’ right now.

My grandparents are in their 80s and won't see us. My nanna is a dialysis patient and was told 3 years ago she had 2 years to live. She is terrified of covid when in reality her existing condition is the biggest danger to her. I find it quite upsetting because tbh I feel like I won't see her again and the nice relationship she had with my kids is gone. She has been going to hospital 3 times a week for dialysis but thinks she is much more likely to get covid from us because the hospital is "very clean". She won't even let my mam in with her shopping anymore. She has to leave it at the door. It breaks her heart but nothing we can do about it really!

I do think older people like this will end up full of regret at the life they missed out on.

I agree. They are setting themselves up for a really really lonely time when they are nearing the end of their lives--or perhaps they think human relationships are things that can be just switched on and off like a tap when they find it convenient. Most older people I know can't wait to see their children and grandchildren again.

@Komandoo

I was wondering if anyone else is in this situation. I am feeling very sad. We have 3 sets of grandparents (DHs divorced and remarried) and have not seen any since Christmas 2019.

My parents live 3 hours away but say staying with us or in a hotel is too much of a risk due to covid. They originally said they would meet up after being vaccinated but have now changed their minds as they feel the vaccine is not sufficiently protective. We have offered to stay locally to them and meet them outdoors but they say it is too much expense and hassle for us.

My DHs Mum is also too worried to visit although her husband is ill which makes things understandably tricky. His Dad will be visiting for the first time soon but refuses to meet the grandchildren and will just be going out for lunch with my husband.

The whole situation makes me feel so sad. We have a nearly 2 year old who has only met his grandparents once when he was 3 months old.

I can't see things getting any safer this year. I have said to all grandparents that this summer makes more sense to meet up than in the winter when our older son is mixing at school. They said they would rather wait and see how things pan out.

It makes me so sad seeing other families getting back to normal. Neither my husband or I have any other family and prior to covid had a good relationship with our parents.

Same here. My DS is 3mo, my mum lives abroad (green list country) but will not come to visit us, saying she's scared to catch COVID at the airport yet she's going on holidays in September and also keeps asking me when I'm planning on coming to visit her, knowing full well that I can't go over with 3 kids, unvaccinated. It makes me really sad as we literally have no family around us and only 1 friend came to visit soon after the baby was born.

He's growing sooo fast, it's such a sad sad thing, it feels very isolating.