Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Covid

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Flip

Original poster

Virtue signalling

19 replies

WinoAnon · 10/07/2021 00:35

Major row in our house tonight. Partner was very sneery over the possibility I may not wear a mask after 19th July. Blew up when he was calling me an anti masker and that he will be continuing out of courtesy of others and everyone he has spoken to will be. I've not spoken to anyone about it because I couldn't care less what other people are deciding to do.

This same person has been to the shops and had his parents visit (not for childcare or anything) when we were in isolation. Unfortunately this massively hypocritical behaviour only come to mind after I'd stormed off.

Me saying that I think masks are rubbish means I'm an antimasking Tory apparently. Him going to the shop when we're waiting for covid test results isn't.

This is virtue signalling is it not.

OP posts:

XenoBitch · 10/07/2021 00:42

I would ask why he feels you should be wearing a mask. Does he think you have Covid? If he does, then why not insisting on you wearing one at home too? Or getting a test?

osbertthesyrianhamster · 10/07/2021 00:42

He sounds controlling AF.

ineedaholidaynow · 10/07/2021 00:44

I don’t think he sounds a very nice person. I will probably still carry in wearing a mask in some places and I hope people do t think it is virtue signalling, but I certainly don’t have his attitude.

Was he like this pre COVID in that he was hypocritical in what he says and his actions?

Original poster

WinoAnon · 10/07/2021 00:59

I don't know @ineedaholidaynow I'm not sure if covid has been the perfect storm. This isn't the first row we've had during covid because we come from different pov. I think he's decided to pigeon hole me as a denier but because I'm not, it doesn't cause problems usually, but when there are instances like tonight where he can be condescending then I get a shitty attitude with both barrels. He mentioned how the number of deaths are projected to be higher than precious waves. I said I don't understand how and he tuts and remarks 'oh it just gets worse' like I am an idiot. So it stops being a conversation and turns into me feeling attacked because I'm not saying The Right Things

He isn't 'eco' friendly I'm scenarios where there's a choice to be, he smokes, he has Amazon deliveries every day and he blatantly flouted the self isolation rules. But I'm a cunt for being undecided whether to wear a mask. If he'd allowed me some time to think then actually I probably would have come round to saying that I probably will continue, because as much as I roll my eyes about some things, I always go out of my way to make it easier for other people so that they feel comfortable.

OP posts:

Original poster

WinoAnon · 10/07/2021 01:02

Sorry those criticisms of him are not genuine. I'm pointing out how he can get on his High horse about doing the right thing to save others and his worries for his own health are skewed with covid when he does all these things.

The Amazon thing was because they have crap work conditions, crap for the high street, crap for paying tax etc. You know something that you're supposed to care about if you are so anti Tory!

OP posts:

Quaggars · 10/07/2021 01:45

It's your choice. Don't think it's anything to do with virtue signalling?
I personally am probably going to carry on wearing a mask, I wouldn't dream of judging others for not doing so though.
He sounds like a controlling dickhead, sorry.

PopcornMuncher · 10/07/2021 07:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Doublestar · 10/07/2021 07:39

He sounds very controlling and like he just doesn't like or respect you very much and is looking for excuses to be nasty and belittle you. Does he actually call you a cunt?

I'm going to carry on wearing a mask in enclosed spaces, dh probably won't. His choice, I'd never try to make him feel bad about it - he's only just had his first jab too (he's 48) but I didn't go on at him, it was his choice and his decision when he felt comfortable to go and get it.

ColettesEarrings · 10/07/2021 08:08

What a peach. You're with him because...?

Nonmaquillee · 10/07/2021 08:11

@WinoAnon

I don't know *@ineedaholidaynow* I'm not sure if covid has been the perfect storm. This isn't the first row we've had during covid because we come from different pov. I think he's decided to pigeon hole me as a denier but because I'm not, it doesn't cause problems usually, but when there are instances like tonight where he can be condescending then I get a shitty attitude with both barrels. He mentioned how the number of deaths are projected to be higher than precious waves. I said I don't understand how and he tuts and remarks 'oh it just gets worse' like I am an idiot. So it stops being a conversation and turns into me feeling attacked because I'm not saying The Right Things

Did he call you a cunt?? If so - here’s my first LTB.

PurpleHoodie · 10/07/2021 08:16

I'd ask MNHQ to move this over to Relationships if I were you.

From what you've posted, you have a partner problem. Covid-19 is just the latest excuse to enact control.

Wilkolampshade · 10/07/2021 12:02

I've had a similar reaction from a family member, though not so overtly rude. I'd agree there is a fair bit of virtue signalling on this and I've seen a fair bit on SM corellating mask wearing or not with the Brexit debate. I think, maybe like you OP, I'll wear one if requested of course, no problem, but am I looking forward to increased freedom not to? Abso-bloody-lutely.
Sorry your partner has been so nasty about this. No one should treat you like this. Maybe it's time to move on.

Original poster

WinoAnon · 10/07/2021 16:40

No sorry I was in rant mode last night, he didn't call me a cunt I was badly using the word in place of bad guy. He called me an idiot and antimasker so very tame but he says antimasker like someone might call someone a gammon on the Brexit debate which he has definitely fallen into the trap of correlating his opinion with.

This is only ever a covid issue and I think he thinks being for harsher restrictions makes him selfless when actually his lifestyle has changed v little and when he only had to do something slight like not go the shop while we waited for test results, he couldn't!

Other than covid were fine but I don't think he does respect me tbh. Any slight little thing he is always like 'oh mum's messed up again hasn't she kids'. All very jovial but I can already sense that one of DC will have no respect for me as a teen because I'm a dopey clutz obv.

I guess this is a relationship problem but I wanted to hear people's reaction to me not really putting a great deal of thought into the mask issue. I'm waiting for some hardliners to tell me how selfish I am and then I can see where he stands. As I thought, people are more reasoned even if they have a different pov, whereas he lives in Twitterland where everything is Left or Right.

OP posts:

PurpleHoodie · 10/07/2021 16:46

You're not being selfish.

You live in the real world.

As I thought, people are more reasoned even if they have a different pov, whereas he lives in Twitterland where everything is Left or Right

Yes.

Really do consider asking MNHQ to move this over to the other board. You'll get a lot of support.

Original poster

WinoAnon · 10/07/2021 19:27

Thanks @PurpleHoodie there's probably little point as I'm not going to make any big changes about our situation. Our life is ok generally and hopefully this covid thing will pass eventually, it rears its head only occasionally. I think it's made me see him differently though and it'll probably take time for him to redeem himself in my eyes. I've lost a bit of respect for him seeing how he's fallen for this tribal nonsense.

OP posts:

SageBlue · 14/07/2021 16:33

Sounds like you deserve each other.

Adrenalina · 14/07/2021 16:44

Yes I think lots of people will use masks as a way to virtue signal their moral superiority... I care about people more than you, I understand the science more than you, I love the NHS more than you etc etc.

Not saying that's what people on here will do and not saying that's what your DP will do but I think lots of people will use masks as a political statement. I also think there will be lots of people who will be made to feel awkward and shamed without a mask because of this virtue signalling and so will continue to wear masks.

ButteringMyArse · 14/07/2021 16:57

I'm planning to continue mask wearing myself, but your partner is a twat.

SupermanWithTheGreyHair · 14/07/2021 17:07

He needs to respect your views. You need to be able to discuss things without it ending up in a fight. It’s an unhealthy relationship if you can’t.

Yes I think lots of people will use masks as a way to virtue signal their moral superiority

Maybe some do but I will wear a mask because I’m not vaccinated and masks are for the benefit of others. You need to be comfortable with your own decisions whilst accepting others may choose a different option. That works well for most things in life.

Flip