Anyone else have PTSD caused by the pandemic?

[soundofthunder]

I can’t seem to move past the intense fear / doom
I felt in March 2020.

Seeing the shelves completely empty in supermarkets, my favourite restaurants & bar close. Being ordered to stay at home, not knowing when or if we would see our families again.

The images coming from Italy, people on ventilators, coffins lined up.

To this day, I still feel physically sick when I think about March 2020.

I have flashbacks and it’s even extended into nightmares.

I get a sense of doom, intense butterflies in my tummy, and an overwhelming panicked feeling when I think about Boris lockdown speech for lockdown 1.

I know life is different now and we are in a better position, if I feel completely trapped by these feelings and quite incapable of moving on.

Does anyone else feel this way?

Please seek help. Any death is terribly sad of course but you're dramatising everything in your head (empty shelves, Boris' announcements etc). If they lined up the coffins from cancer deaths every day you'd be shocked (450ish every day in UK). It's all about how the media have portrayed it and caused anxiety that is out of proportion. I hope you get the help you need

Yes I’m sure you’re right that I would feel the same way about cancer deaths.

I don’t think it’s just specifically the deaths I am affected by. I think the situation a whole, is proving difficult to overcome.

I’m not particularly anxious about Covid (especially since being vaccinated) but I can’t seem to forget the fear from March 2020.

I know exactly what you mean. I can’t talk about it for long or dwell on it because I start to get the same panicked feeling from back then. I think the previous poster has totally misunderstood what you mean.

Due to the nature of my work (I work in a very specific area of children's services) I feel like I've spent the last 16 months in crisis mode.

I've never felt more exhausted in my life yet I struggle to sleep. I feel on edge or irritable all the time. Most days I just want to crawl into bed and cry at the end of it. But I can't.

Last year I just wanted to scream when young people were accused of being snowflakes because "they're only missing out on a bit of school" or "it won't hurt them to not see their mates for a bit".

I have spent years giving all I can to my work, but now I feel like I'm running on fumes.

So not PTSD but possibly burnout.

Don't waste your time worrying a life filled with worry is a life not lived.
It has had an impact on my life, suffered a loss in the first wave, its been a hard time but I'm determined to be positive.
Try get some cbt and remember life is short.

It's very treatable but you do need some support.

I sort of know what you mean. It’s been a very surreal and bizarre time to live through. We’re not used to such drawn out disasters and recent scenarios have felt very unreal at times. I recorded Charlie Brookers pandemic special last year but still haven’t watched it because I’m not quite ready yet…

I think it’s fair to equate your feelings to PTSD of some sort. It’s a proportionate response to the events of the last year as much as it’s a proportionate response to have powered through or looked for silver linings. Covid has 100% been a disaster as much as an earthquake, wild fire or terrorist attack is and you would comprehend an element of PTSD from any of those things. If nothing else it’s a good place to start from if you’re looking for help to move past this stage.

Exactly what Scottishgirl said.

We have lost perspective and many people are unreasonably terrified. About 1500 people die every day in the U.K. but we have never before been confronted with daily death tolls. It is not surprising that you have found this very difficult.

It’s definitely a shock, OP, and not one that we’ve all been able to process. I don’t feel traumatised myself but I know what you mean and I know you aren’t talking about the death rate. It’s the fact that life could change so suddenly. And you can’t fully move on from it because you are still living with it and everything is uncertain.

Have you thought about trying some counseling? You might pick up some tools for living with this sort of uncertainty and grief. Sending you kind thoughts.

No but just as Covid started I was just getting over (well getting to a significant stage in my grief) the death of both of my parents in the previous year. I was ready to travel more, felt more sociable, more able to face the world, actually ready to pack quite a bit in.
I’m sure the lockdown has caused that to stagnate but also reverse a bit.
Nothing near the trouble you’re having op. I agree with others that you’d surely benefit from some counselling. There’s no need to live with that level of fear and it may help.
Support.

I meant to add how brave it is to talk about it here. And good you’ve identified it as something to talk about.

Have you spoken to your Dr or is it self diagnosed?

Oh OP you have my sympathy. I don’t know if PTSD is too strong to describe it, but I haven’t recovered from having a baby during the first lockdown. Not the worry about covid itself so much, but in particular the indescribably high anxiety I felt at not knowing what health services would be available when I gave birth. People might ridicule now, but at the time hospitals were updating multiple times a day that XYZ maternity service was closed or open or closed again, ambulances not available, the rules were constantly changing, the fear of coming down with a covid symptom and being isolated and not knowing whether your baby might be taken away. And it didn’t help that some considered it selfish to be worried about your own care when people were dying of covid (and a few people on these boards still do). I’m still not sure whether it’s something I need to seek help for, but it has had a lasting impact over and above the impacts of lockdowns and restrictions, which are themselves not insignificant for me.

@soundofthunder

I can’t seem to move past the intense fear / doom I felt in March 2020.

Seeing the shelves completely empty in supermarkets, my favourite restaurants & bar close. Being ordered to stay at home, not knowing when or if we would see our families again.

The images coming from Italy, people on ventilators, coffins lined up.

To this day, I still feel physically sick when I think about March 2020.

I have flashbacks and it’s even extended into nightmares.

I get a sense of doom, intense butterflies in my tummy, and an overwhelming panicked feeling when I think about Boris lockdown speech for lockdown 1.

I know life is different now and we are in a better position, if I feel completely trapped by these feelings and quite incapable of moving on.

Does anyone else feel this way?

Whilst it sounds very unpleasant I'm not 100% it's ptsd.

Do you suffer from insomnia as that is one of the key components of PTSD...? And also whilst you say 'if you think about it " you get a sense of doom etc but ptsd isn't just if you think about it... It's all the time - to quote one of the three diagnostic criteria:

"These symptoms are often severe and persistent enough to have a significant impact on the person's day-to-day life." So it's not just when you happen to think about it... It's intrusive and intensively disturbing and traumatic thoughts regardless of whether you're thinking about it or not.

I'm not trying to say you don't have it but I'm just not quite sure that you do. I do have it and it isn't just when I happen to think about it, it's constant and absolutely relentless and left me unable to function at all for a year.

Either way though you're obviously struggling and absolutely deserve help and recgonition for that so I would try and seek out some therapy. If you don't want to go to you GP to discuss it you can self refer to the NHS mental health services by googling " IAPT" for your area. There you will be able to fill in a self assessment form and someone from the service in your area will contact you to discuss further. It's just sometimes easier than having to make that initial discussion at your Drs if you do it online instead.

Good luck

@LivinLaVidaLoki

Due to the nature of my work (I work in a very specific area of children's services) I feel like I've spent the last 16 months in crisis mode.

I've never felt more exhausted in my life yet I struggle to sleep. I feel on edge or irritable all the time. Most days I just want to crawl into bed and cry at the end of it. But I can't.

Last year I just wanted to scream when young people were accused of being snowflakes because "they're only missing out on a bit of school" or "it won't hurt them to not see their mates for a bit".

I have spent years giving all I can to my work, but now I feel like I'm running on fumes.

So not PTSD but possibly burnout.

I can imagine, so hard

PTSD is not a catch-all for MH issues after traumatic events. It is a specific diagnosis. It is not the only MH condition which can include flashbacks.

It's important to seek help, and get the right diagnosis, and I hope the right treatment will be provided without an excessive wait.

**Due to the nature of my work (I work in a very specific area of children's services) I feel like I've spent the last 16 months in crisis mode.

I've never felt more exhausted in my life yet I struggle to sleep. I feel on edge or irritable all the time. Most days I just want to crawl into bed and at the end of it. But I can't.

Last year I just wanted to scream when young people were accused of being snowflakes because "they're only missing out on a bit of school" or "it won't hurt them to not see their mates for a bit".

I have spentyears giving all I can to my work, but now I feel like I'm

So not PTSD but possibly burnout**

@LivinLaVidaLoki - so sorry you are feeling this. Thank you for describing it so well. I work in education, LA, senior level and that is me too. I don't think I can carry on with my job much longer.

Please speak to your GP.

Thank you @MarshaBradyo and @ArgyleIsle x

No advice I'm afraid, but please know that you are not alone. March 2020 felt like being in a real life horror film. I was terrified :(

@OppsUpsSide

Have you spoken to your Dr or is it self diagnosed?

@OppsUpsSide

No, I haven’t spoken to a Dr about it. So I guess it’s just self diagnosed then.

In all honesty I wasn’t sure what the Dr would do or say and I’ve been worried Incase they just tell me we’re all experiencing the same thing and then I will feel like I’ve wasted their time.