Please help me, in turmoil about everything - vaccine related

[Lotusbiscoffdreams]

Hello, I’m all over the place and no one can seem to help me. I’m not vaccinated yet because I’m terrified of the side effects and of me being one of the unlucky ones that ends up in a bad way from it. I’m on a few medications. I have severe anxiety and depression too, diagnosed. I’m scared I have lots of undiagnosed health conditions that mean the vaccines are dangerous to me, but part of my anxiety is being terrified of doctors and tests etc.

I’m also just as terrified of covid, I think it would affect me badly, that’s if I haven’t already had it, which I think I did early on. I’ve had some long lasting effects since being ill in March 2020. I wear two masks, I avoid going anywhere indoors unless I have to, I have developed ocd behaviours and thoughts about germs too and contamination/poisoning.

I want to have the Moderna vaccine, it seems the safest out of them all, but I can’t find anywhere that’s doing it. I’ve asked the GP receptionists twice now, and recently been told it’s only been given in Wales. Does anyone know if that’s true? I tried to ring the 119 COVID number but it was all automated.

I feel like a black sheep in my family, I’m the only one unvaccinated and was told recently id have to stand outside at a birthday gathering because I’m a risk to others. It’s fine I didn’t want to go in anyway!!!

I HATE living like this

@Lotusbiscoffdreams feel fine! I had a panic attack after my first dose whilst in the waiting room, that’s how anxious I was!

Like you, I’ve had other vaccinations and didn’t bat an eyelid. Went out of my way to find a Japanese encephalitis vaccine before I went travelling even though it wasn’t necessary. I didn’t even Google or ask about the potential side effects! Looking now, rare side effects are trouble breathing, low blood pressure, wheezing etc. I’d have shit myself if I’d read those at the time... but I didn’t, and I was fine.

Moderna and Pfizer are basically the same. I read about the Pfizer myocarditis thing after I’d had my 2nd dose but honestly I’m not concerned. That can happen after any viral illness and I’ve not been concerned about it after natural infections.

You’ll be ok :)

And no, Moderna is definitely available in England. My 45 year old colleague was given Moderna - we are South East.

I'm so sorry you are anxious about this. Please talk to your gp and they will advise.

Try and put this in perspective. Everything in life carries a risk. Every time you go fit a walk, you risk tripping up. Every time you turn on a tap you risk getting burnt. Every time you get in a car you risk getting in an accident. Every time you read a book you risk getting a paper cut. Every time you eat an orange you risk getting reflux from the acid content. Every time you eat a piece of cheese, depending on your tolerance levels, you risk diarrhoea, bloating and vomiting.

You will be able to do this. And you will be ok x

You’re very welcome. I completely understand. As far as I’m aware the heart issue with Pfizer and Moderna has largely effected young males under 30 so should be a very small risk for you. I know that doesn’t make it easier, it’s horrible when you struggle with anxiety. I’m in my 30s and had my first dose of AZ before the clotting link had been confirmed and my second dose is now due and my anxiety is awful, I’m still weighing up what to do so you’re absolutely not alone with the worry. It’s not easy when there’s so much info out there and you’re naturally risk adverse. I hope you can find a solution you’re comfortable with. From everything I’ve read I’d feel comfortable with either Pfizer or Moderna but only you can make that choice.

My DD was given Moderna today in Leeds.

Pfizer is milder than Moderna. A dose of Moderna contains more mRNA - 100 micrograms. Pfizer has only 30 micrograms. More mRNA = more spike protein in the body = greater risk of AE or reactions that last longer.

@Ssmiler

Ah OP so sorry to hear you’re struggling with this.

No advice to add other than to say my DH is immuno compromised but yet had no reaction to Pfizer. The rest of my family are also all vaccinated now because of his vulnerability and no issues. We had to effectively shield with him and post vaccine we have felt like we have come out from under a black cloud!

At this stage I literally know hundreds of friends family and colleagues who have now had their jabs. One had tired legs for a week, one went to bed with flu symptoms for three days and everyone else (100’s!) just had a bit of a sore arm. Anecdotal I know but I hope it helps anyway. Good luck

Thanks so much, I appreciate your reply and it does help! I’m glad your DH was ok after it.

I’m in a really bad way mentally, just don’t know what to do and hate that I’m even thinking like this when I should just be grateful I’ve even got the opportunity to have a vaccine.

@Terzani

Pfizer is milder than Moderna. A dose of Moderna contains more mRNA - 100 micrograms. Pfizer has only 30 micrograms. More mRNA = more spike protein in the body = greater risk of AE or reactions that last longer.

Oh that’s interesting, I didn’t know this, thank you! So I’m now leaning more towards getting Pfizer as it’s easily available at my surgery so no travelling.

Thanks everyone for the very kind comments, I couldn’t sleep last night for worrying about what to do, it just feels like I’m doing an incredibly dangerous thing by getting vaccinated, but then I’m hiding away at home because I’m too scared to go anywhere due to covid! Will try ringing GP and telling them how scared I am.

@Rainbowsandstorms

You’re very welcome. I completely understand. As far as I’m aware the heart issue with Pfizer and Moderna has largely effected young males under 30 so should be a very small risk for you. I know that doesn’t make it easier, it’s horrible when you struggle with anxiety. I’m in my 30s and had my first dose of AZ before the clotting link had been confirmed and my second dose is now due and my anxiety is awful, I’m still weighing up what to do so you’re absolutely not alone with the worry. It’s not easy when there’s so much info out there and you’re naturally risk adverse. I hope you can find a solution you’re comfortable with. From everything I’ve read I’d feel comfortable with either Pfizer or Moderna but only you can make that choice.

I completely understand your anxiety about this and would be the same, I hope you decide the right thing for you and whatever happens wishing you well 🥰

I feel like whichever vaccine I have I’m taking a huge risk.

You feel that - but objectively it is not true.

I say this not to ‘have a go’, because I know what anxiety is like. You’ve acknowledged it is your anxiety talking - this is giving you some ammunition to talk back to it.

You are taking an absolutely minuscule risk in taking the vaccine - any vaccine. The risk you are taking by remaining unvaccinated is many times greater.

I am so glad you have posted this because I am in the exact same predicament and have made myself quite unwell with worry over this, my sister is the same.
We both suffer from aura migraines and have family history of it which puts us at slightly higher risk of strokes, I also experience daily silent migraine (diagnosed by a neurologist). I suffer from clinical depression and very bad anxiety. We have lots of strokes and heart disease in our family and have two members who have had issues after the AZ jab. It goes without saying that I really don’t want Covid either.
I have a gp appointment next week, I have waited over 6 weeks for this telephone appointment purely to discuss my concerns and to ask where I can get the Pfizer as every appointment offered to me online is for the AZ, I am just concerned she will dismiss my worries and encourage me to take the AZ, I don’t want to take that risk with my family history.

@PuzzledObserver

I feel like whichever vaccine I have I’m taking a huge risk.

You feel that - but objectively it is not true.

I say this not to ‘have a go’, because I know what anxiety is like. You’ve acknowledged it is your anxiety talking - this is giving you some ammunition to talk back to it.

You are taking an absolutely minuscule risk in taking the vaccine - any vaccine. The risk you are taking by remaining unvaccinated is many times greater.

Thanks for the reply, there’s a part of me that knows you’re right, and acknowledges that yes, the risk is tiny. Then there’s the other part that makes me think of all the adverse effects and wonder ‘What if?’, - even things like the effects on periods which I’ve read a lot about. I will try to get on top of my anxiety, that is key to this I think.

@ImaHogg

I am so glad you have posted this because I am in the exact same predicament and have made myself quite unwell with worry over this, my sister is the same. We both suffer from aura migraines and have family history of it which puts us at slightly higher risk of strokes, I also experience daily silent migraine (diagnosed by a neurologist). I suffer from clinical depression and very bad anxiety. We have lots of strokes and heart disease in our family and have two members who have had issues after the AZ jab. It goes without saying that I really don’t want Covid either. I have a gp appointment next week, I have waited over 6 weeks for this telephone appointment purely to discuss my concerns and to ask where I can get the Pfizer as every appointment offered to me online is for the AZ, I am just concerned she will dismiss my worries and encourage me to take the AZ, I don’t want to take that risk with my family history.

@ImaHogg completely understand and relate to what you say. In your situation you should most definitely be able to get the Pfizer, I hope the phone appointment helps with this and they can tell you where you can have it.

If she’s not understanding then speak to someone else, your worries are valid and shouldn’t be dismissed at all. As a fellow migraine sufferer, I don’t think some people realise how vulnerable that can make us feel sometimes, it’s such a horrible condition. There’s such a link between it and anxiety/depression, it can affect our whole view of our health and wellbeing.

Thinking of you, please do update about your appointment

Lotusbiscoffdreams thank you so much. I hope the same for you too. Take care.

I’m pregnant so had similar concerns about taking the vaccine. Never been bothered about having a vaccine before. Even with my TB, my test site was a still a really red, raised lump 10 days after when they checked it and I’d have still have had the TB jab (although that might because I was 15 and clearly invincible ).

For me, I had to move to move the vaccine from safe/not safe in my mind and instead move it to the least bad option. It might not be safe, it might emerge somewhere down the line that there is a long term issue for me or the baby. However, with the data available at the moment the least bad choice for me is the vaccine. Life is mostly just a series of least bad options, it’s rare that there is a clear obviously good versus an obviously bad choice. Part of that decision wasn’t just about short term or long term physical health but mental too. How much would my mental health potentially take a dip after not being able to see people over the summer, not being able to hug family and just do something other than work and watch Netflix?

I had my jab two weeks ago but the last few days I’ve been feeling really rubbish, more than my usual pregnancy rubbish. Yesterday I also noticed the injection site for my jab was a bit inflamed so I rang the GP and just explained that I was pregnant, have hayfever and noticed some inflammation at my injection site. I felt rubbish but I couldn’t work out where the source of feeling rubbish was coming from, whether to be concerned or how to fix it. GP asked me to come in and examined my arm and said it’s just a localised reaction, it doesn’t have any bearing on how it’s reacting in my body, that it isn’t working or that it’s having an adverse effect in my body. The GP then asked about what else might be making feel like crap and I explained one of the other GPs took the risk adverse approach of no antihistamines during pregnancy if I could. GP found me a pregnancy safe antihistamine and told me it was also about my well-being and we’ve clearly reached a point where the hayfever is impacting on my well-being. There’s a small risk with most medications but the medications mean you can sleep, move, eat and generally keep yourself healthy in the long term. Your well-being is obviously being affected when you’re too scared to go out somewhere or when you are made to stand outside while your family are inside socialising.

I will try to get on top of my anxiety, that is key to this I think.

And probably to many other things as well. Anxiety steals so much from us. I think of it as the emotional version of hay fever - a body system which provides essential protection, overreacting to something which is not a real threat to us.

Best of luck