I’m no an anti Vaxxer - I’m mentally ill :(

[L1zzi]

I can’t cope with my existence. I don’t want to die, but living this limbo scary half life is too much.

I spend the majority of 2020 petrified I would die of Covid, I have a high BMI.
I worked in an office throughout (because I had to)
but other than that I went absolutely nowhere.

I won’t even go to supermarkets, I haven’t been to the hair dressers for way more than a year now.
I’ve not eaten inside a restaurant and I’ve not had anyone in my house.
It’s been pretty miserable.

I had my first vaccine in March (AZ) and it felt like the clouds have lifted, I started to see light and my mental health began to improve.

I’m now in a position where I am absolutely petrified, petrified, to get my second dose because of the fear of developing a blood clot and I will die.

I know the risks, I know people will tell me I take risks daily and quite honestly I’m fed up of hearing that, because this just does not feel the same.

My life before Covid was not as scary / difficult as it is now.

I’ve got work colleagues telling me I’m an anti vaxxer and I’m part of the problem with this pandemic.

It hurts so much because no one understands how debilitating this fear is.

I’ve had to call in sick at work today because I can’t focus.

I’ve spoken to my Dr to try and help my fears but I got nowhere.

I am starting some CBT but that’s going to be months before I might feel better.

I desperately don’t want to be partially unvaccinated, I can’t spend any longer living this life, scared to leave my house.

I feel ashamed of myself for not having my second dose and I’m so envious of people who have had theirs.

I really feel that unless you’ve experienced my level of anxiety / fear, you cannot truly understand what I’m going through.

I don’t see the point in my life. I don’t see a future, I don’t have any enjoyment.

I don’t want to die, I’m so frightened by the thought of death, but living this life is so so hard.😭

I have health anxiety and am coming to the end of 5 months of therapy for it. I really really recommend you explore your options for this locally as while I can’t claim to be “cured” I do feel I have the tools to make it all less out of control.

In terms of your specific fears about the vaccine (which I also had to address) someone said something on another thread that really helped me. They said it was a defined period of anxiety post vaccine (3/4 weeks) V ongoing endless anxiety of Covid.

So for me I accepted I would have a crap few weeks after the jab but as it was a set period of time then I could deal with it V the ongoing anxiety about Covid which was cropping at times last year.

I hope you manage to get help for your anxiety

@DarceyDashwood I think that was me, I nearly posted the same thing again, maybe I thought the "OP" was you (I can't remember names). Did you get the vaccine? If so well done you.

There’s risks to everything in life, any one of us could drop dead at any minute.

You’re alive and you’re healthy, don’t waste your life missing out on simple every day things just because of your thoughts, you do get to choose whether they control you or not.

Do whatever makes you less anxious then move on

If having the jab will make you more anxious than not don't have it

If you don't have it and are going to just then worry you are less protected etc. Then you should just take the jab. Better than living with worry all the time. The worry about having your second will disappear within weeks.

Anyway just work out what is easiest for for you. You are the one that has to live with your choice. Nobody else.

@Kyph it was you yes! And no I wasn’t the OP but did post on a similar thread. I had my second vaccine a week ago! Brought it forward a week as was sick of second guessing it all! Have to admit I Won’t feel totally comfortable until the 3/4 weeks mark is over but the anxiety is lessening each day and I do feel good about having both jabs ☺️

If you have a high bmi there's a much greater chance you will get serious complications if your contract covid. I am not saying it to be unkind just to present the facts.

The vaccine could save your life. Please book an appointment, accept you will be nervous but the alternative is far worse. You will be living in fear of catching it otherwise.

Youve got two options...get the vaccine...dont get the vaccine, either way your anxiety will still be there, you need to get treatment.

OP, you HAVE had the vaccine. You've had the first dose, which does most of the work with AZ.

If you don't get the second, your first dose may well be enough to protect you IF you get Covid. And tbh if you get Covid, there's no guarantee you'd even get symptoms even without a vaccine. You're thinking in worst case scenarios (die from vaccine or die from Covid) but actually in either case it's the BEST case scenario that's the far ore likely one. You are extremely unlikely to be harmed by the vaccine. You are extremely unlikely to be harmed my Covid. And right now you are extremely unlikely to even catch Covid. You can't make the wrong decision right now.

@L1zzi - it is not the vaccine that is the problem, it’s your anxiety disorder. You know from the huge numbers of people safely having both doses and not letting their anxiety about the minuscule risks stop them that this is the case. Avoiding the vaccine will not cure your anxiety, especially as you know that not having dose 2 is the riskier choice for you to take, as it will neither effectively protect you from an illness you fear nor will it lessen your anxiety if you avoid it. Go to your GP and seek help for your anxiety disorder, because it is clearly affecting your ability to function and make sensible choices.

And @L1zzi, don’t frame it as just fear of the vaccine when you see your GP, either, as they are more likely to take you seriously if you explain how much wider and more severe your anxiety is than that, to the extent that you don’t see the point of your life. Don’t just give up seeking help because the GP didn’t take you seriously once.