Strange problem in relation to lockdown ending

[Bookridden]

Like many people, I'm feeling a bit low and angry. However, my feelings are caused by worry about the risk of Covid, but a sense of frustration about how risk averse society has become, and how many services are still not operating fully because of the risk. I think about the fact it's so difficult to see a GP face to face, the fact schools aren't back to normal (DD misses 2.5 hours a week due to a reduced school day), not many libraries open for browsing, people flattening themselves against walls when you go past them etc etc. I thought the successful rollout of vaccines was supposed to bring us back to normality, and yet now the threat of the Indian variant is the latest problem to delay opening up. The risk for even partially vaccinated people coming to serious harm is tiny, so any are we living like this? Vulnerable people will be (thankfully) fully vaccinated. I'm left feeling so fucking angry and tearful about this, and find I feel massively resentful towards people who are still talking about the covid risks. I realise this is my issue, and a reflection of my mental health. I'm posting as I'm looking for some supportive advice on how to deal with my resentment about all of this. Grateful for any support or morale boosting really. Thanks in advance.

Nice post, lightand and I'm glad it can help others but the trouble is, for me three years is a long time. I really tried to look at it your way at first, but I don't want and didn't ever want to give up so much time. 3 years is my youngest's lifetime. It's been a crucial time for my eldest two and they won't get the time back.
I don't want to go into details but our lives have been completely fucked up. I'm happy that for some people it's been more like 'time off' and had no bad effects, though. Sadly not the case for me.

Thanks for posting this OP - I'm with you on this...

I've felt like I'm alone in questioning this - and it seems to not be acceptable to speak out either (if I did it would make me some kind of evil being with dubious political views - which I'm most definitely not!)

It gets me so down - and I just can't see a way out. Of course as long as we test we'll find it. So we're stuck in some kind of completely out of proportion vicious circle...

I had my first vaccine in March (second in June) and there was a point where I honestly thought there was light at the end of the tunnel. But the goalposts seem to have shifted again...

To sum up what I'm missing most in 3 little words: freedom, spontaneity and joy - particularly, perhaps, the latter

I agree, OP! The people throwing themselves in traffic to avoid others in the pavement, just WTAF?

@looptheloopinahulahoop

I agree about the flattening against walls OP - usually by people who've definitely had at least one vaccine and almost certainly two. And I don't think (sadly) that I look under 40, so it's pretty obvious I've had the vaccine too. How are two people going to catch it from passing each other outside, especially when vaccinated. I know anxiety makes people irrational, but it also irrationally offends me that everyone thinks I have the covid plague!

I always give people space, running in the road if it’s safe or standing against the wall (I wouldn’t call it flattening which seems quite emotive), not because I am worried about catching COVID but because it feels like the polite thing to do. I would hate other people to feel worried after an encounter. That may make some people on this thread feel worse, but I wouldn’t jump to assuming that someone giving you space is because they perceive you as a threat. It’s the same in my mind as teaching my sons not to walk behind line women. It feels polite to me to make pretty minor adjustments to potentially make someone else feel more comfortable.

I get what you're saying - we are all fed up.

BUT
even if we are all vaccinated, new surges of virus are a risk.
Fewer restrictions means more transmission of the disease.
The more transmission and replication means that there will be a higher number of different variants due to more random de novo mutations in the virus.
The more variants there are the more likely there will be one that could escape the vaccine, undoing everyone's sacrifice.

It is exactly the same logic that lead to the surge in anti-biotic resistant bacteria.

We definitely should be cautious.

It's here to stay. No one should be expected to bloody sacrifice themselves to this anymore.

So the problem is other people don't manage risks (or lack of) in precisely the same way you do and you are angry and resentful of them?

Fucks sakes - it's been a shitty, shitty year, we've had a media that often doesn't understand science or statistics and who has revelled in publishing often misleading sound bites to get attention & a Government that promotes positivity and then gloom depending on what they want us to do - and you blame the confused/exhausted/frightened for not being you.

Why aren't you hammering those that actually have some power over information & events?

We are opening up. I'm booking and planning loads. I feel very optimistic. But let other people choose to join in when they are ready. Stop being offended by someone else's fears - unless you are very thin skinned they don't impact you in any meaningful way.

And before you know it they'll be complaining about having to pay to sit together on planes and having/going to their in-laws for Christmas.

I don't really know what you are talking about. These risk averse people dictating what we do. What are they dictating? Things are opening back up next week.

Very much feel this OP.

The library thing is particularly depressing. If I go into my local bookshop I can pick up and put down as many books as I want and can even read books to my DC on the floor.. I just need to buy something. What about children who can’t afford this and rely on libraries?

My local leisure centre is really hard to get a spot for and I’ve given up and joined a private one. I can go to the private one every day and their definition of full capacity seems to be about 500% that of the council one. Again, alright for me I guess but isn’t this hugely depressing?

I am really, really concerned that we will have seen the end of free to access services that a lot of people have relied on.

I feel 100% exactly the same as you.

The reaction to this virus is outrageously over-the -top and yet people can't see that. They have been terrorised by the govt's non stop propagandising and fearmongering.

And yet even the govt freely admits that 99.97% of the population will not die of covid. And that percentage rises to 99.99% when the person is under 50.

There is no need for any social restrictions.

There is no need for anyone under 50 to have the jab unless they are immunocompromised.

It's not a death sentence for over 99% of people. My b/f's 83-yr-old mother had covid and did not even need to go to hospital. I had it as well, in my 60s and obese. It was just like flu but with a cough. Again, did not even see a doctor.

This interview with an ordinary English GP went live today.

Please don't whinge about schools. We're doing the absolute best we can.

I’m not yet vaccinated and I still feel the same way. I’ve always been far more afraid of the restrictions and people’s reactions than I have been of the virus itself. I’m sure that makes me privileged, or something, but I don’t think you’re alone.

I am really, really concerned that we will have seen the end of free to access services that a lot of people have relied on

This is what worries me most too. I have a 3 year old DD and, unlike many, am fortunate enough to have plenty of time and resources to spend on her. However I’m very aware of the different between the public and private services we are currently trying to access. The current situation we’re experiencing is:

Private gym/pool - fine, all very normal; we’ve been swimming at least once a week since they reopened. Clean and pleasant surroundings. Plenty of lockers. Nice cafe - reopening inside next week.

Local council pools: very difficult to access. Extremely limited family swim times. No lockers - valuables left on poolside and numerous reports of thefts. Facilities filthy. Cafes closed indefinitely. Lots of people have given up and joined private gyms - ours has had a sudden influx.

Paid for toddler/music groups - all running as normal, albeit with masks

Casual/free toddler groups, rhyme times etc - non-existent

Libraries - almost impossible to access for most - you need to book a 30min family browsing slot which takes up to a dozen phone calls as phones go unanswered, then navigate all the pointless rules while you’re there. Luckily I have the time and motivation to do this, but most don’t. The parents I know who are managing to access the library at present are the clued up, pushy, middle class ones like me, whose children are least in need of them.

In so many ways Covid is widening society’s pre-existing inequalities, and I worry particularly about where this leaves the next generation of children and young people who are unable to access these services.

I have a child the same age as @TempsPerdu and my experience is identical to hers.

I'd add to that very good list access to GPs, MW, HV and other medical services - I'm about a hair away from starting a thread about the farce of trying to explain a toddler's skin rash to an NHS GP over the phone several weeks after booking an appointment, vs the experience I had when we thought "Fuck it" and just used our access to BUPA.

Round my way there are some free classes etc starting to open up. They're all pre-booked, numbers limited. The sort of person who most needs that activity - such as a sleep-deprived new mum who just needs a chance to get out into the world and chat to others in the same boat - is about the least likely to go onto Happity three Tuesdays in advance and book a slot at the council-run Sing and Sign. And that's before you get into language issues, tech access issues and the like.

@Bookridden

Had first jab (presume I got in early for my age due to mild underlying conditions).

Actually, it's surprisingly helpful to hear some of you feel the same. I always used to think I was a raving hypochondriac before all this started (eg a headache had me running to Google and typing in "brain tumour"). But I've looked at the stats, and must be the Bear Grylls of covid because I don't see a huge risk thanks to vaccines. And I'm a wuss through and through. Don't think I've ever felt so out of step with society, and it's really making me depressed.

This is interesting. I'm the same, I worry about everything usually but I haven't worried about Covid and I think it's because I spend my life seeing & assessing risks that Covid is just another (not particularly big one) on that list. I wonder if some people up to now have never worried about other dangers. When people on here talk about "safe schools" I can't understand it as to me, school has never been completely "safe" but its a risk worth taking for my kids. I'm still far more worried about them hurting themselves in the playground or on a coach accident/getting lost on school trip or something than Covid. But to some people on here it's as though Covid is by far the biggest risk at school. I find it odd!

@Chessie678

Great post. Totally agree.

@Chessie678 Yes, agree with all that too. Been wondering about routine medical care as well - DD and the rest of her NCT friends all had their preschool jabs this week... because we all reminded each other on our WhatsApp group that they were due and managed to get through the GP red (or more accurately yellow and black) tape to sort appointments. I’m sure many things like this will be missed because services are so inaccessible right now and parents are too busy/stressed/overwhelmed/lacking in support networks to a) remember and b) push for things.

Today Johnson said “we will do whatever it takes to keep the public safe”.

I would be much “safer” if we dropped every restriction immediately and so would most under 40 year olds but safety seems to have been redefined to mean reduced risk of getting covid.

Perhaps the ultimate solution, given that we are willing to do “whatever it takes” would be exterminating the whole population to ensure that no one succumbs to covid. Only the selfish would object to extermination if it would prevent just one person catching covid.

Really resentment shouldn’t be with the people who have been scared but with the government and its advisers (including the behavioural psychologists) who intentionally tried to manufacture fear which was disproportionate to the risk. There was a survey a while ago which found that most people thought that 7% of the population have died from covid - if I thought that I would be scared too! I do try to have empathy for people who are more scared of this than me and with business owners who are trying to stay open in really difficult circumstances but find living with all the nonsense rules difficult when I believe that they are either pointless or actively destructive.

It's funny how the social restrictions were supposed to make us feel "safe"..

They always make me feel unsafe. Because I don't understand the boundaries, when the restrictions might be removed. That situation, uncertain criteria to return to "normal" Feels Very Unsafe.

@Chessie678 the scientists are now (eventually) admitting that Project Fear was "unethical" and "totalitarian". Its in the Telegraph

@TempsPerdu
Tyranny of safety is exactly right.

Agree about the people who most need services losing out too. I’ve been able to throw time and money at ensuring my baby has had some positive experiences this year and gets some healthcare but that’s obviously a privileged position and even then I’ve lost the will to live with it sometimes. Also had the ridiculous experience of trying to explain a rash on a newborn over the phone. The issue will be largely invisible though because there will be this slow delayed affect on the children who have been disadvantaged,

I am clearly coming at all this from a different perspective to a lot of the population but I can honestly say that I would never expect a stranger to give up seeing their family or their education or livelihood or wedding to protect me even if I was very vulnerable. I just don’t see that as anyone else’s responsibility.

@BonnieDundee
That’s interesting. I listened to an interview with a psychologist who said that if one of her sessions involved a patient feeling negative emotions she would try to ensure that they left without that feeling and that it was unethical for psychologists to induce negative emotions like fear to influence behaviour. I believe she reported some of the psychologists advising the government for that reason so maybe some good has come of that.

CallMeCleo how very nice for you that you and your family had mild cases of covid. Unfortunately for lots of people that really wasn't the case at all.

It's possible to want to have a return to normality without being a dick about it.

We're very lucky where we are, as a nearby library is open for normal browsing (with masks/sanitiser but no pre-booking or time limits), children's centres are running free stay & play sessions (albeit not as many as pre-pandemic), and the local pool has general swim sessions (although only in the colder bigger pool, not the smaller one which is better for toddlers). My GP is seeing people as normal and people are giving each other space in the street when possible but not going out of their way to distance. Schools and nurseries are open normal hours.

I'm another one who has paid out a lot to private toddler classes for my DD and so she's been able to access lots of events and opportunities for play and interaction. Even during the recent lockdown I was able to pay for nursery despite not being in work, and day trips to NT gardens and nature reserves. There will definitely be a wider gap between the most disadvantaged and the more privileged (although it's not just down to having enough money to access these activities, since the library/council swimming/children's centres are free).