My parents didn't visit for the whole of lockdown now want to come every week again

[hamandcgeese]

Pre-Covid and since I had my first Dc my parents have visited once a week. I had my second DC last year so a 3 month old when we went into the first lockdown, I didn't expect to see anyone as everything was strict and they live a distance away. However then support bubbles happened, but my parents didn't want to see us either way us visiting or them coming here. I was a little disappointed that they didn't think seeing the grandkids or supporting me was important, but it was their choice. My DH is a keyworker out of the house 12 hours a day. I realised that whilst it would of been nice to see anyone now and again, I felt better without seeing them as much. I have at times found them hard going as they argue constantly. My Dad is low level controlling of my mum ( telling her to shut up and belittling her often.) They also make negative comments about me, my house, my kids. Especially around the risks I took during Covid. I didn't do any that's wasn't allowed, but they were extremely cautious.

I find it difficult, as what can I do? I am limited with two young children, not much money, on my own all day. I know it's my choice, but I think whether you work or not as a mum it's tough as kids are always growing, hungry and need things. I don't need my parents being negative about everything constantly.

Anyway since stay local was scrapped my parents visited and now have said they will be back next week. So I said No not to come every week now This has not gone down well, I've said I'm busy. They aren't speaking to me now.

Has anyone else had a rethink about seeing relatives and friends since lockdown?

Are they of any help with DC, do they bring any gifts or toys to play with or offer to take them for a walk. I presume they are hurt if you didn’t explain why you don’t want them coming next week, but understand why you wouldn’t want them coming round if they don’t have anything positive to say about you.

I would stick to your boundaries now and decide how often you would like them to come.

Once a fortnight? Once a month?

Well done for telling them no. It’s not easy to do that.

@Mindymomo they will play a bit, but it doesn't come naturally and they tend to tell them off a lot. They aren't naughty children, the just turned one year old is at that curious stage and obviously doesn't even know them due to lockdown, so it was a bit cringy. They have never taken my oldest out or looked after him by themselves. They don't bring gifts, they will bring themselves some bits of food like two apples, I do feed them, I do own apples, they don't bring a bag of apples for us.

I don't mind them coming occasionally, but I don't think I can stand to go back to every week. How can I say that politely ?

Hold your boundaries, even if they continue to sulk. Who wants to be criticised on a weekly basis? They don’t sounds like they being much joy.

I think lots of people are realising there are some things they don’t want back.

Stick to your guns OP!
As a grandparent, I definitely would not wish to be a burden on my children by insisting on visiting too frequently. Hopefully, your parents will take the wisest course and not keep pestering you for visits every week.
You need to decide how often would be appropriate for them to come, then let them know.

I think I'll go for every fortnight. We generally see wider family once a month (when allowed again) so would see them then too.

@80sMum I just want to say you sound like an absolute dream of a grandparent and I wish you were one of my in-laws haha

I would suggest 'every 3 or 4 weeks', you don't want to say once a fortnight and get into a pattern that they strop about if you have other plans.

You can use the excuse for now that it's not all back to normal yet, or you want the kids to be more settled, or just tell them they must have found plenty to do in all that time that they didn't want to visit so they can keep doing that.