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Original poster

Seeing elderly mum

13 replies

pringlesandchocolate · 13/04/2021 08:51

So I know you are not allowed in someone’s house until 17 May and I’ve been following rules though find it hard to understand why a cleaner can go in a house but not a daughter in to a mums for a cuppa. I last saw my mum at the very beginning of nov before lock down and she last saw her grandchildren at my dads funeral in august. She is desperate to see us and is very low mood but is not us not well enough to spend any length of time outside she only leaves house for medical appts. She lives with my brother just the two of them. He I guess is her bubble ? Can I visit her inside on my own as a caring visitor ? I can probably get her to wait until 17 May to see the grandchildren but after losing my dad this summer I would love to see her to. She’s 100 miles away but it can be done in a day trip.

OP posts:
zafferana · 13/04/2021 09:31

Yes, care visits are allowed OP and always have been. In the end, it's up to you both to weigh up the risks and make a decision. Has she had both doses of the vaccine? If so, you are no real risk to her any more. Everyone in the UK is entitled to (and asked to take) two lateral flow tests per week now, so you could even test yourself before you go. You can order a box of tests online and they arrive the next day, or pick them up from your local testing site.

emmathedilemma · 13/04/2021 09:34

Your brother lives with her so he's her household not her bubble. Unless you are a single adult then you can't form a bubble with her (assuming your brother is over 18). BUT you can meet people outdoors and if you have a low risk of transmission or use the lateral flow tests then I would do your own risk assessment and go to visit her!

Original poster
pringlesandchocolate · 13/04/2021 10:29

@emmathedilemma@zafferana I had a test last week for hospital admission and did a lateral flow yesterday before going to hairdressers and could go another before I visit. She has had both vaccines and I’ve had my first. Thanks I just get very anxious about following rules ! It’s something I suffer with sadly if I ever unintentionally break them I worry about it !

OP posts:
emmathedilemma · 13/04/2021 10:37

I think we've all reached the point where we need to do what feels right for us! I'm not encouraging reckless rule breaking but by the start of May i will be driving to England to stay with my fully vaccinated parents who I haven't seen for 9 months regardless of what the rules say because we are grown adults making a sensible decision that's about mental as much as physical health.

AcornAutumn · 13/04/2021 10:53

Care visits have always been allowed. How old is she?

I've had to go from the start but if the police checked, i'm registered as her carer. She is 82 now but my understanding was that if your parents was over 70, they'd be unlikely to question it.

AcornAutumn · 13/04/2021 10:54

*registered with her doctor, not registered for care allowance or anything.

ItWasntMyFault · 13/04/2021 10:59

I have started to visit my parents who are both 85. They both live alone and whilst they do both have other people that live locally as their bubble, mentally it did them a lot of good to have me visit.

I keep my distance in their houses.

Overthebow · 13/04/2021 12:33

If you want to follow the rules then no you can’t go inside until 17th of May, unless she actually needs caring for which your brother can’t do. It’s actually less than five weeks until indoor visits are allowed. Another option if her house allows could be for you to sit in the garden and she sits on a chair in the doorway?

Spring2021 · 13/04/2021 12:37

My mum is in a similar position. She lives with my brother and my dad also died last year. As she is elderly she can’t stand the cold and rarely leaves the house. My mum lives much closer than yours. I phone or whatsapp facetime her every day for a chat but I have started seeing her again indoors as her mood was really low. We distance in her living room and I wear a mask (as I have been shielding and to protect her).

AcornAutumn · 13/04/2021 12:38

Re caring
Doesn't matter how many of you are doing caring tasks, legally it's fine
You can also provide care to more than one person

Cinnamon12345 · 13/04/2021 12:40

Ive seen my mother most days for welfare as she is elderly and on her own. I could be her carer but she can manage most jobs. I think common sense is needed.

Original poster
pringlesandchocolate · 13/04/2021 14:21

Thanks everyone - I thought I would get people here telling me I was irresponsible to event consider it but feel bouyed that in my situation you would go an visit knowing that there were really no risks. Ive just become such a worrier of recent but I know it would lift her mood considerably to see even me and the GC can wait until 17th May

OP posts:
Original poster
pringlesandchocolate · 15/04/2021 15:46

I had a pcr test this morning as I’m in a surge area and I will do another lateral flow before visiting - I’m hoping we can sit outside for most of the visit but if not we’ll keep doors open and keep distanced. Obviously if any tests come back positive I won’t go but her mental health has declined rapidly since df died.

OP posts:
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