Don’t want to go anywhere..

[Cobb121]

I feel like I’ve got so used to being at home I don’t want things to open up and get back to normal.

I’ve got two weddings to attend in August and I’m already thinking of ways to get out of them. What is wrong with me? Am I depressed 🙁

If you don't want to go to things then don't. You're an adult with your own agency, you can say no. If you loved these things before maybe you are depressed, no one on MN can diagnose you though. Or perhaps you're just more of an introvert who enjoys the quiet lifestyle, only you can know and do anything about this.

Don't go wishing things don't open up again or go back to normal though. The rest of us don't want you wishing your misery on us.

No one forces you to go out, right now everyone's being forced to stay in. Wishing this to continue for the rest of us who've found it utterly miserable is frankly quite insensitive.

That’s a shame for you.

It's hard to tell OP. I've enjoyed getting out more this week. But lockdown has given me an opportunity to reflect on how much time I was spending with people who I didn't really want to. I'm not rushing to meet back up with them.

If you're having panic attacks at the thought of popping to the shops for a pint of milk, then perhaps you're depressed. But there is nothing wrong with saying you prefer a more solitary life if you do.

You might just have reevaluated. A lot of people have. It’s ok to not do stuff.

You can say no. If you think you are depressed maybe start off small, meet a friend for coffee and build up. If you're actually depressed nothing wrong with a chat wit the gp.

I’ve loved the distancing from people & social situations I’ll be honest. Less so the fact everything has been closed for months.

@boredbuttercup

If you don't want to go to things then don't. You're an adult with your own agency, you can say no. If you loved these things before maybe you are depressed, no one on MN can diagnose you though. Or perhaps you're just more of an introvert who enjoys the quiet lifestyle, only you can know and do anything about this.

Don't go wishing things don't open up again or go back to normal though. The rest of us don't want you wishing your misery on us.

No one forces you to go out, right now everyone's being forced to stay in. Wishing this to continue for the rest of us who've found it utterly miserable is frankly quite insensitive.

This.

My mental health and my children's mental health is shit due to all these fucking lockdowns.

Would you have particularly wanted to go to the weddings before covid though, I would have been glad to have had an excuse not to go. People use lockdown as an excuse for things that they wouldn't have wanted to do anyway.

I understand OP and I feel kind of similar! I think this whole period has caused a lot of us to reevaluate our lives, what's important and what we actually enjoy.

I will definitely be prioritising social occasions that are truly important and balancing that with restful time to myself - I definitely did not have a good balance before and was often exhausted from my social life.

It's OK to go back to things slowly, start small as others have said, go for a coffee with someone perhaps. Think about what kinds of social occasions actually benefit you and your life - most people need some kind of socialising or they can get lonely over time.

If you are struggling a lot then it might be worth talking it through with a counsellor.

I'm feeling the same. My home has felt like a safe refuge for so long that leaving it feels wrong. And that's without adding in actual human interaction, which I was bad at already!

And people who think you're being insensitive should maybe try and have a little more empathy. Different people react in different ways to things, no-one's feelings about this are more valid than anyone else's, and someone not wanting to go out isn't forcing anyone else to stay locked down!

@UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername

I'm feeling the same. My home has felt like a safe refuge for so long that leaving it feels wrong. And that's without adding in actual human interaction, which I was bad at already!

And people who think you're being insensitive should maybe try and have a little more empathy. Different people react in different ways to things, no-one's feelings about this are more valid than anyone else's, and someone not wanting to go out isn't forcing anyone else to stay locked down!

Agree

Op a lot of people are anxious getting back in the real world you are not along

Alone

People shouldn't wish lockdown to carry on for everyone because they can't say no.

@LovingBob

People shouldn't wish lockdown to carry on for everyone because they can't say no.

Because wishes always come true?

I don’t think the op is saying she wants lockdown to never end It has to end and is ending gradually. It has affected lots of people differently ( I developed anxiety working through it)

@Cobb121 it doesn’t mean you are depressed but are you anxious and worried about COVID when you can go back into the world, or is it more that you like being at home more? Lots of people are anxious about socialising again we’ve been discouraged doing it for so long. I saw a friend in her garden at the weekend it was amazing. If anxiety is an issue start small like that maybe? Meet a friend in garden or go Shopping at quieter times, a meal out at lunch in the week with one person( when open). I

Lots of people have realised they had very busy lifestyles before maybe with lots of socialising and occasions just for the sake of it. Some have come to realise that they actually like being at home more than they thought wether that is for family time, alone time or whatever its a valid learning curve for some. The pandemic has made people realise what is important to them.

Op. No one knows you so they can’t comment if you’re just an introvert or suffering from mental illness Ie depression or anxiety.

There are a small percentage of the population who do not wish lockdown to end, and quite a large number on mumsnet, but in real life anecdotally the rest of the country can’t wait to get back to normal life.

As others habe said, you need to do you, if you wish to stay in lock down you can, plenty of people live their lives like that permanently and don’t leave their homes unless they have to and do not socialise.. And that’s fine if it makes them or you happy. The rest of us need to get back to normal for our mental health.

If you wish to stay in lock down and not leave home unless you have to and not socialise you habe the choice to do this.

We're being pretty careful - owing to CEV person in the household.

No-one else comes in to our house (I'm naturally messy, so long may this last!) and we are cautious about whether indoors contacts are strictly necessary

But I think I would like to go to a wedding and see other people - but would wonder what the venue is like. It's probably a frightful bore to other people, but I would interrogate host or venue directly about its covid security

I know that I'm doing that, not through anxiety, but because we have genuine additional risk factors.

OP: I suggest you need to work out what is at the root of your disinclination to go. Have you always hated big gatherings, and have enjoyed their absence over that last year? Are you still happy with the prospect of socialising, but perhaps in different forms (smaller or more local?) How satisfied are you with life right now?

You are probably out of practice and lack motivation. Once you are there you will probably enjoy it. Its just that you need a little kick up the backside to go.

I'm finding it hard to do certain things because I've got stuck in a routine and its comfortable and safe. DH has actively pushed me to go and do things in the last couple of weeks because he thinks I need it. He's right.

I can't say whether you are depressed but I know in my case its not. Lack of social contact merely has deskilled me and I find the prospect of doing certain very normal things daunting. Just stuff like going shopping. Its easier just to stay home rather than expand your horizons again in many ways.

I think realising that other people are feeling exactly the same and that home is a comfort blanket to avoid things rather than actual contentment is worthwhile. Take the plunge, go and see if you do really want a simplier life or whether its just hesitancy due to circumstances that's holding you back. THEN make decisions about what you want to do in life.

Fwiw i think your response about not having enthusiasm to go is completely normal, but I also think once you break the glass walls of the legacy of covid restrictions you will feel better about doing things. Its been a long time.

It depends why you don't want to do them. If you genuinely want to be an anti-social hermit then embrace it. If you want to pick and choose your social engagements then do so and don't feel obligated.

On the other hand you may just need to push yourself into it. I've been nowhere for over a year now, other than the same local daily walks. I like my own company but i'll still look forward to seeing friends again, even if i'll need to push myself into it initially. If you genuinely don't want to, then don't.

I completely relate to this. As other posters say, though, whether you're depressed does depend somewhat on whether these activities gave you any pleasure before. I certainly think it's completely understandable that you would feel apprehensive.

I feel kind of institutionalised, if that makes any sense. I feel safe at home - not safe from Covid, just a general feeling of being accustomed to my little shrunken world. I hope when things gradually return to normal that I will gradually adapt again. It has been such a strange situation for everyone and, while some people will rush happily off to make up for lost time, others will be more tentative.

I have two DC and I dread all the 'events' starting up again - you know, fairs, celebrations such as St Patrick's Day, bloody Pirates Picnic at the National Trust or whatever. I hate them. I hate crowds (always did). I hate queueing. But, as I said, I have two DC and they love all that!

Institutionalised is a great way to explain it.

I've definitely reassessed my social life in the last year and I'm much less interested in big gatherings and events. I'd rather just sit in a beer garden or have friends.

I've got a few things that were rolled from last year and I'm really now debating if I fancy them any more. My perspective changed so much

I'm normally pretty sociable and need external input into life to thrive. I certainly haven't thrived in lockdown and the majority of the past year.

It's been a hard winter though. While I've been out with a person here and there for a run/ walk, there's been times where the conversation died because we've had no fresh input. That doesn't do wonders for social confidence!

I did some running races in the autumn, but with incertainty over tier changes at the last moment, there wasn't the anticipation and excitement. Social distancing and low numbers due to low confidence quenched the atmosphere and while they were well and safely organised, the whole thing was just less fun and exciting as usual.

I'm so used to being in a void of time between then, and some hazy kind of future in some monotonous present, I'm struggling to wrap my head around imminent change, events and sorting myself out to be in places at the right time with what I need.

Even just making it out of the door was too much bloody effort when the weather was shit, there was mud everywhere, and the few pleasant accessible places were just too busy to be a relaxing experience.

People have been hard work with different boundaries. Many I know weren't confident to meet up when allowed and when cases were low last summer. I can't wear masks and struggle being around others wearing them and that's been hard fearing encountering RL mask police. That's limited where I have gone and I've gone at quiet times so I'm desensitised from busy places, ironically because of sensory overload.

I'm keen to get back to a real normality, but that's going to take some readjustment, and it's not an instant snap back to 2019.

It's fine to take some time to readjust and consider social commitments and build up.
August is a good way away and there is time to regain some social confidence and interest again.
You don't have to say yes to everything, but we do need some social glue as part of the big picture. With a wedding, you don't have to stay until the bitter end either. (I didn't even notice that my pregnant bridesmaid had slipped off to bed early and missed the disco)

I can relate to this OP.
Having social anxiety and agoraphobic tendencies for years I had thrown myself into working long days before lockdown.
I love people I just hate crowds.
Now I have to return to normality which for me was declining social events and push myself to shop and now go back to work.
I do have a therapist calling me Monday which is a relief.
I think it is understandable that many people will feel anxious at first.

@UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername

I'm feeling the same. My home has felt like a safe refuge for so long that leaving it feels wrong. And that's without adding in actual human interaction, which I was bad at already!

And people who think you're being insensitive should maybe try and have a little more empathy. Different people react in different ways to things, no-one's feelings about this are more valid than anyone else's, and someone not wanting to go out isn't forcing anyone else to stay locked down!

Thanks everyone for your replies.

I agree I’ve felt so safe at home in our little bubble, the thought of being in a room full of 150 people fills me with anxiety.

In the past I would have been excited for buying a new outfit and getting my hair done but I just feel like like I can’t be bothered anymore. Ive gained weight, haven’t had a hair cut in over a year. I haven’t wore make up in so long I can’t remember where my makeup bag is😂