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Original poster

Unshielding support thread

64 replies

OhYouBadBadKitten · 09/04/2021 07:47

I thought that we could do with a little support group for those of us who are attempting to start to emerge back into the world. Its hard!

I'm just about to have my second vaccine, but I'm on immunosupressants and so I'm not sure how well the vaccine is taking. I'm too scared to take an antibody test in case it's negative, so Im trying to pretend all is well.

Friends think I must be elated at now being able to go out and do stuff that isn't just going for a walk. But I'm struggling, I suspect many are.

I'm not even especially scared of the virus intellectually, I just can't cope with having people close to me. I had a coffee with friends outside this week. I had to move my chair way away from everyone to be able to be comfortable.

Anyone else feeling this way?

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Beebityboo · 10/04/2021 08:49

Youngest DD is begging to go to the toy shop next week (even excited about going on the bus, bless her) I'm hoping I can get the courage to take her but I'm worried it will be completely packed.

Original poster
OhYouBadBadKitten · 10/04/2021 08:54

Can you ask on local social media about how busy the buses are beebity?

Aww Copperblack. There were so many emotions wrapped up in those pasties. I think its about processing and expressing emotions from the last year as well as the complex mix from being able to start doing stuff again.

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Original poster
OhYouBadBadKitten · 10/04/2021 08:56

We are venturing to see friends for a walk today. They live a bit of a distance so we will need to find a loo somewhere. I managed a servicestation loo last week dropping dd off at uni. It was quiet, but so weird to be in a building that wasn't a hospital.

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QuarantineQueen · 10/04/2021 08:58

I'm in the same position as you 2020. I even unshielded a few weeks early and went back to school on 8 March because I knew if I left it longer I'd work myself up into a state about returning and cases in my area were so low.
Strangely, despite having been in school in December and going back in March I found the supermarket much scarier because I haven't been in one for a year. Nipped into tesco the other day and it was awful. I tried to follow the one way system but it wasn't clear and no one else was. I obviously looked panicked because one lady had a go at me for 'giving her that face' (she was ignoring the one way system but i didnt actually mean to pull a face at her!). People didn't distance in the queue and got right up close to me.
My cramped classroom is more dangerous rationally but the unknown of the supermarket was much scarier for me. I won't be going back.

Original poster
OhYouBadBadKitten · 10/04/2021 09:11

I think that when you work somewhere regularly, in terms of feeling safe, it can feel like an extension of home. Not for everyone, but for some. Fear definitely isn't logical.

I re

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Original poster
OhYouBadBadKitten · 10/04/2021 09:12

And I really really wish people would be kinder, rather than just assuming an aggressive intolerance.

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Babdoc · 10/04/2021 09:22

I’m not shielding as such, but have been ill for over a year with long Covid. Very breathless, and worried that my lungs couldn’t survive a second bout of Covid, so avoiding all but essential contact.
I absolutely understand your justifiable worries, and I think you each need to accept your feelings as perfectly reasonable, and take things very slowly, at a pace you can tolerate.
Don’t try to force yourself into supermarkets or onto crowded buses just yet. Maybe start with safer outdoor things, like a scenic walk in an isolated spot, while wearing your mask, or having a family member visit you outside after they have been vaccinated themselves. Restore normality gradually, to give you time to adjust. Case rates are falling steadily, so the more drawn out your process of reintegration with socialising, the lower your risk becomes. You will get there, just take it gently.

2020fuckoff · 10/04/2021 12:01

@OhYouBadBadKitten

How did you cope with it 2020? I realise I've been fortunate in being able to do all my work online, though its been very lonely as a result.
To be honest I was glad to get back, a little apprehensive after the first lockdowns, but this last one I felt a lot safer heading back as we have lateral flow tests for all staff, I've had the first vaccination and there's more safety measures in place plus my class hasn't had a case so far which is also good.

I've come to the conclusion that we will have to live with it and unless I'm prepared to essentially stop living, I've got to get on with it.
I know that's not easy for everyone though, but it's just what I've kept thinking

LunaHeather · 10/04/2021 12:56

@OhYouBadBadKitten

Beebity. Flowers it does make sense. I cant bear the idea of us going through all that again.
You mean you can't bear the thought of shielding again?

Also, who has forgotten the shielding group?

SpringSquirrels · 10/04/2021 13:51

Llast year when shielding ended I didn't realise quite how little virus was about. Although I did go out, went away a couple of times and stayed in self catered places I bitterly regret that I didn't hug my adult children. We religeously maintained SD even though we met indoors.
I'm not going to make that mistake again.

Beebityboo · 10/04/2021 14:29

@SpringSquirrels

Llast year when shielding ended I didn't realise quite how little virus was about. Although I did go out, went away a couple of times and stayed in self catered places I bitterly regret that I didn't hug my adult children. We religeously maintained SD even though we met indoors. I'm not going to make that mistake again.
Same here. I was so terrified last year, even when restrictions were lifted I was too scared to do anything. I absolutely hate myself for it now as the kids had a lousy summer and it meant I have only seen my mum once since last February Sad. I truly was terrified and quite mentally unwell, looking back now, but I kept telling myself "one more month and it will all be over, they will find a miracle cure" etc until before I knew it, the winter wave started. This summer I plan on doing everything I can and being brave for the sake of the DC's. I just need to figure out how to stop being so bloody scared, I have had my first vaccine, I thought I would feel safer!
Original poster
OhYouBadBadKitten · 10/04/2021 16:41

Luna yes I can't bear the thought of shielding again.

I think we've been forgotten in the general narrative. There's no-little support or advice that I've seen out there.

Babdoc has given some lovely kind advice here and that's the sort of thing people need to hear. There also needs to be outreach to those who've been shielding to ensure that they don't remain locking themselves up at home.

In the first lockdown, our local council called me to check that I was ok and that I had everything I needed. A similar check in to make sure people are ok would be good. I realise GP surgeries will be overwhelmed with organizing vaccinations, so I'm not sure that they would have admin capacity to do this.

I'm not the sort of person who is a 'fraidy cat. I'm someone who is normally out there doing and being really active in the community and beyond. I've found it a massive weird dislocating shock to have all that turned on its head over the past year. I'm determined to get back to who I was. I'm lucky that I can verbalise and identify some of my feelings. There will be very many people who can't work out what is happening to themselves and we don't want to lose them as part of society.

/steps off soapbox.

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Original poster
OhYouBadBadKitten · 10/04/2021 16:42

oh. I managed to have a successful wee in a public loo, so that's an achievement. Grin

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Beebityboo · 10/04/2021 17:00

That's another thing! The loos in the town I live are still not open, not even at the large arboretum. Are supermarket toilets open now, does anyone know?

LunaHeather · 10/04/2021 17:01

Kitten

I'm a bit baffled that people have these expectations tbh. That's not meant to be cruel. I just think that it's bound to be hard to be out after so long trapped in, but that's just something that has to be dealt with.

Re the shielding, I have family members who just ignored it. Honestly, if asked to do it again, and I think that will happen, ignoring it is certainly an option and I wonder if it will be better for immune systems, but I realise this is more complex when on immunosuppressants.

LunaHeather · 10/04/2021 17:02

@Beebityboo

That's another thing! The loos in the town I live are still not open, not even at the large arboretum. Are supermarket toilets open now, does anyone know?
Yes, the loo problem is major, I have to stay close to home.
Ridcully82 · 10/04/2021 18:04

The anxiety/nervousness aspects feel quite low to me,as had my struggles with it last summer,but first day in office yesterday fir a year, and it felt a bit surreal,and u felt quite thoughtful. Also,as my condition is badly affected by lack of movement,and took me a while to build up to my pre shielding fitness,I feel absolutely buggered today,and second jab this morning may not have helped. But will work through it and get my fitness back

Original poster
OhYouBadBadKitten · 10/04/2021 18:36

Luna, I can see that it's hard for you to understand how we are feeling, to varying extent depending on the person. With the greatest respect, this is a support thread. Telling people to just get on with isn't necessarily very helpful. It's really not how mental health issues work and if you haven't lived it personally that might be difficult for you to see.

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Original poster
OhYouBadBadKitten · 10/04/2021 18:41

I think it's difficult when people see shielding as a lifestyle choice. Everyone asked to shield had to balance the messages they were getting from their healthcare professionals and their own sense of risk/mental health etc. I had very strong advice from my GP. My physio reacted with horror and said I couldn't be treated in person when I went to an appointment that they invited me to.

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Original poster
OhYouBadBadKitten · 10/04/2021 18:43

Congratulations on your second jab Ridcully :)

Loos are an issue. I would definitely urge people to mother on at councils and businesses that haven't opened them up yet. There's no excuse and I think we will lose many forever as part of cost cutting.

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FuzzyPuffling · 10/04/2021 18:45

babdoc you get it. Thank you.

luna you don't get it. But I think you're in the majority - this is why this support thread is needed.

FuzzyPuffling · 10/04/2021 18:47

@OhYouBadBadKitten

oh. I managed to have a successful wee in a public loo, so that's an achievement. Grin
Yay! This is a massive achievement! I am very impressed.
Madhairday · 10/04/2021 18:47

Thank you so much @OhYouBadBadKitten for starting this thread. I'm finding emerging from shielding bringing such a mix of feelings - hope and despair, confidence and fear. The thought of going in a shop still unnerves me greatly, especially a supermarket. I do walk out and have met friends one to one for coffee on a bench, and even went to church on Sunday but it was so socially distanced I didn't feel at all panicky, everyone in masks and the whole thing run so well with people being dismissed a row at a time etc. It's shops and public transport that scares me most, I used to regularly catch the train and now it terrifies me, I can't explain the feeling apart from a sense of dread. I'll get there I know, but it's a slow thing.

I've also found that there has been so much anti shielding feeling, that the healthy have sacrificed so much for the sick, I've felt very minimised by this whole thing and felt like there's been a shift in thinking about the worth and value of lives, with people like me at the bottom of the heap. It's been horrendous, and when I talk about it people say surely no one has said that, but they have. They have here on MN, a thousand times, and as for Twitter...

I feel like I do when I've had an extended stay in hospital. Institutionalised. Like the world is suddenly too big and too scary and might swallow me up. It's hard to explain but I know you on this thread get it. Flowers

Madhairday · 10/04/2021 18:49

I do have my second vaccine (Pfizer) this week and that's a big relief.

SpringSquirrels · 10/04/2021 19:09

Re public toilets. I used them last summer in a few places, pack of wipes in my bag, wiped everything down before use, including taps. This time round I wouldn't bother because we now know that covid isn't really transmitted by fomites (touch). The greater risk might be being in an enclosed space with others but it was one in one out last year.