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Original poster

Should There be a Travel Dispensation for People with Close Family Abroad?

78 replies

manicinsomniac · 26/03/2021 21:52

I totally support the no foreign holidays thing this summer. It's not worth trading normal life for.

But I've seen so many heart breaking posts on here about people desperate to see their families abroad. People emigrate with the understanding that we are never trapped in one country. One of my colleagues is French. Her twin sister is very ill, quite likely terminal within a year or so. France is so close. Yet might as well be on the other side of the world right now.

If it was the same for everyone, it maybe wouldn't seem so bad. But I know an 18 year old off to Costa Rica for 2 months next week. And another 18 year old who went to Mexico in January for 6 months. Permitted as it's volunteer work and 'education' but they're going to have the time of their lives. While others don't get to see their elderly parents again.

And it seems to be different for the rich too. I work in a private school and several of our children are still distance learning because they are in India, Nigeria, South Africa and elsewhere. Have been since Jan or early Feb. There must have been a reason I imagine - deaths or serious illness in families, I guess. But these are families who could afford the isolations and the time off work.

I know the world isn't equal and fair, of course. But this just seems so hard. Could there not be a general ban on holidays but family visits allowed with strictly enforced home isolation and/or testing?

OP posts:
ChocBeforeCock · 26/03/2021 23:01

@EasterIssland

So all of you are happy for me to go to a wedding (is one of the reasons why I can go home ) and mix with hundreds of people ... but aren’t happy for me to go and see my parents and sisters who I’ve not seen since 2019. I take all of you haven’t seen any close family ,, because you can also catch the virus from your relatives.
I’m not happy for you to go to a wedding, it shouldn’t be allowed either unless you quarantine on return.

It’s not about catching the virus per se, it’s about importing variants.

AnaofBroceliande · 26/03/2021 23:01

Explore the exceptions. Use one of those. Even going to look for a second home will work.

Bourdic · 26/03/2021 23:02

I don’t have family abroad. but have friends abroad dearer to me than my siblings. There’s no fair system except a no

minniemoocher · 26/03/2021 23:09

How close does the family have to be? Can I visit my uncle then, I can claim we are very close. .... what if it's a very dear friend? You just can't have selective rules because the criteria can never be fair

Sirzy · 26/03/2021 23:12

It would be impossible to police and would just cause confusion and people screaming “but if they can why can’t I?”

My MIL lives abroad. We normally go over 2 or 3 times a year (and my partner more if he can) we are hoping to get over by the end of the year.

His sibling never normally goes over at all.

Would both be equally allowed to travel?

Original poster
manicinsomniac · 26/03/2021 23:12

Bourdic

If our borders were shut I could agree that it was fair but brutally upsetting.

But when things like this are ok:
Explore the exceptions. Use one of those. Even going to look for a second home will work
and students can still go on their gap years, how can it be ok to deny people the right to see their families, especially if time is limited for them.

Buying a second home = yes but an isolated 80 year old parent = no. And teaching English to orphans for the feel good factor and some free travel = yes but spending some of a sibling's last year with them before they die of cancer = no. Those kind of inequalities are ludicrous.

OP posts:
Original poster
manicinsomniac · 26/03/2021 23:17

How close does the family have to be? Can I visit my uncle then, I can claim we are very close. .... what if it's a very dear friend? You just can't have selective rules because the criteria can never be fair

I don't know, I was meaning close by blood relationship, not close by emotional bond. So parents, grandparents, children and siblings is what I'd define as close. But yes, I see your point. Not all families work the same way and it would be hard to police.

OP posts:
AnaofBroceliande · 26/03/2021 23:17

@manicinsomniac

Bourdic

If our borders were shut I could agree that it was fair but brutally upsetting.

But when things like this are ok:
Explore the exceptions. Use one of those. Even going to look for a second home will work
and students can still go on their gap years, how can it be ok to deny people the right to see their families, especially if time is limited for them.

Buying a second home = yes but an isolated 80 year old parent = no. And teaching English to orphans for the feel good factor and some free travel = yes but spending some of a sibling's last year with them before they die of cancer = no. Those kind of inequalities are ludicrous.

So find and use one of the exceptions. I disagree with the ban entirely, particularly if you've been vaccinated twice. I disagree with continuing lockdown, too.
BogRollBOGOF · 26/03/2021 23:20

DH's mother has reached the frail stage of old age. We haven't practically been able to see her in the past year so it's now approaching 18m since our last routine visit. In normal circumstances, it would be fairly easy to travel out and see her within 24 hours if there was an emergency.
People of her age and general state of health often don't get a "terminal" diagnosis. Life can end very suddenly.

We're supposed to have a human right to a family life. When DH moved, there was never a hint that he would be deprived of that right for a prolonged period, and it would normally be easier to travel to her than to travel to some parts of Great Britain.

Original poster
manicinsomniac · 26/03/2021 23:20

I don't need to go abroad ana . It's not a thread about me, it's a thread about the travelling rules in general.

OP posts:
AnaofBroceliande · 26/03/2021 23:24

Well then it's good I never asked if it were personal to you. Hmm

I disagree with all these restrictions entirely, particularly if the traveller has had 2 doses of vaccine.

Thewiseoneincognito · 26/03/2021 23:26

Absolutely not.

Original poster
manicinsomniac · 26/03/2021 23:29

Oh, sorry, ana, I thought you were telling me to find a way to travel from the exceptions.

OP posts:
Exhausteddog · 26/03/2021 23:31

My MIL was diagnosed with a terminal illness in January and died earlier this month. One of her close family lives abroad and has not seen her for 2 years, and wont be able to attend her funeral or grieve with the rest of the family Sad

OppsUpsSide · 26/03/2021 23:32

All my family live close by which perhaps influences my feeling that yes, there should be a concerted effort to make this feasible. Although I’m not sure you could really get away without a quarantine period.

DenisetheMenace · 26/03/2021 23:35

Just quarantine, like everyone else.

mynamechangemyrules · 26/03/2021 23:37

I am the family abroad! I want to come home to the uk and see my elderly parents who I haven't seen for 18 months.
I can't face quarantine with 3 children, which I would have to do both directions of the trip- so that's 4 weeks holiday spent in quarantine! Plus my country of residence won't necessarily let me back in as I am on a work visa not a permanent resident visa. So stuck here for the foreseeable. And we are all vaccinated so it's even more irritating that I can't travel to them, quarantine with them and then come back and quarantine at home. Oh and if I did get out and back, there is a govt fee of £1000 per person when you come back in too... haha! So def stuck here.

margaritasbythesea · 26/03/2021 23:38

BogRollBOGOF We are in the same position as you, and it's awful for DH. His Df in has a heart condition which means he'll probably die in his sleep with no warning. We were due to go in March 2020 but hadn't been for the previous two years for financial reasons. It's terrible for him and our kids.

Having said that, DH is as worried about taking a variant to them as the other way around.

I do think that when travel restrictions open up there should be some sort of permission for those with family abroad above friends. I'm far closer to my own friends than my birth family but I do still feel parent-child brother/sister bonds should be a priority. It wouldn't be fair and some would suffer, including myself. I still think it would be fairer if they got first dibs.

Cattitudes · 26/03/2021 23:39

I definitely don't think there should be fines for visiting relatives as it is not the same as a holiday. I do think there should be ideally hotel quarantine, maybe relaxed to at home quarantine after 5 days if testing negative. Possibly means tested so if on certain benefits the quarantine is subsidised. I do not think that family should mean totally free movement.

I do understand, I haven't seen my mother with dementia since the summer, she is deteriorating but with dc in school, lockdowns and not wanting to take anything into the care home it hasn't been possible. It is within UK but a very long day trip.

mynamechangemyrules · 26/03/2021 23:39

And if you travel you are denied subsidised COVID medical care, you have to pay full costs of any treatment. They are full on about not wanting anyone to travel. Our rules have been this way for the past year though so mentally used to it, not like the UK's endless changing goalposts.

EasterIssland · 26/03/2021 23:46

@mynamechangemyrules

And if you travel you are denied subsidised COVID medical care, you have to pay full costs of any treatment. They are full on about not wanting anyone to travel. Our rules have been this way for the past year though so mentally used to it, not like the UK's endless changing goalposts.
Id approve this. But only if approved for those that have been skipping the rules for months and caught the virus. Or those that met over Xmas despite the government recommended not to meet with families and yet people met and caught the virus.
XenoBitch · 26/03/2021 23:53

@mynamechangemyrules

And if you travel you are denied subsidised COVID medical care, you have to pay full costs of any treatment. They are full on about not wanting anyone to travel. Our rules have been this way for the past year though so mentally used to it, not like the UK's endless changing goalposts.
Is this a thing? Or wishful thinking on your part?
4ensic · 26/03/2021 23:56

My children and grandchildren live abroad. I used to go without essentials so I could afford cheap return tickets (£45 or less, return). I can end up feeling suicidal at the thought I may never see them again because of an illness I have. It's truly heartbreaking.

They know I'm sad/upset, but nowhere near the level of desperation I feel. I can't be honest about my health, why would I intentionally worry them when there is nothing they can do to make it better?

I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone.

May17th · 27/03/2021 00:00

@Quadrangle

Yanbu. I wouldnt affect me but I think people should be allowed to visit elderly parents.
Most of us have elderly parents
May17th · 27/03/2021 00:02

** Possibly means tested so if on certain benefits the quarantine is subsidised.

How entitled means tested? I’m sorry. It there’s many people struggling here so why should the government fund a hotel or whatever for people to self isolate in FFS I have heard it all now.