Please help me to find a reason to go on :(

[fireflylanegirls]

I can’t do this anymore, I really really can’t.

I’ve spent over a year hidden away, frightened.

I had my first baby last year and I’ve spend that time with very little support.
No mum & baby groups, no family support.

I’m petrified of Covid and becoming severely
ill or death.

I had the vaccine 15 days ago and even that hasn’t eased my anxiety because all the news about the Oxford vaccine is just so negative.

I wake up most days and I just want to scream, it feels too hard to get through the day because all I can think is what is the point.

I’m not living, it’s existing.

There’s just so much negative news right now.

I feel like I have nothing left on me :(

Wow, I've felt like you are feeling now before.

Sertraline does make you feel worse before it makes you feel better and in the meantime it's a good idea to take things very easy and to be aware that some of your anxiety at least is an aspect of starting Sertraline, and not a reaction to anything that is real.

I think I remember your previous thread, when you were very anxious about going back to work before you'd had the vaccine. Now you have had the vaccine, your anxiety has found something else to focus on (the media reporting of the AZ data). That's how anxiety works and it's a really tough time right now if you are prone to anxiety, because there's a lot of messaging in the media and the government that is in some ways designed to provoke anxiety. It doesn't feel like it now, but medication and talking therapies DO have a really good chance of helping you to deal with this fear. It is definitely worth at least giving them a chance.

I don't know if you're on a waiting list for any CBT or other talking therapy. NHS waiting lists can be really long so I wonder if it might be an option to pay for private counselling?

Has your dc started nursery now? Are you still due to return to work? Some sense of normality and routine may be beneficial to your mh but you do need help to refocus on positives . What is your dh doing to support you?

OP, you were doing well with planning to return to work, your baby in nursery, getting your BMI down and seeing your GP. Keep taking one day at a time and things will improve. Although having the vaccine hasn't made you feel less anxious, your risk is lower because around 50% of the adults you will meet have had it too. That's a huge improvement on last year!
Your baby and husband need you. Investigate therapy for your obsesive-compulsive (issues/disorder?) and know that alongside the sertraline, you'll be feeling less anxious soon.
Keep taking vitamin D too!
💐

@windowstothesoul

Is it anxiety that is leading or a depression/low feeling?

It’s both. Anxiety & worry. Then I feel down because it just feels never ending.

I feel like the worst mum because my mind is so preoccupied with Covid and I’m not focused on my son and family life.

@Griefmonster

I am on sertraline and find it very effective for my anxiety. It takes around 6 weeks to kick in and you feel worse before you feel better.

My main thoughts ate -
How long since you started medication?

Have you started CBT?

Do you have any routines? E.g. getting outdoors, meal times etc.

I do a lot of meditation and have a mindfulness app I use a lot. Lots of breathing and 'noting' etc.

Speak to your health visitor if you can. She might be able to help with advice and support to get you through next few weeks.

@Griefmonster

I’ve been taking them nearly 2 weeks.

I have started my CBT

We have routines for meals but not much for getting outdoor.

@VolvoEagle

fireflylanegirls, where do you live?

I recommend planning some fun things to do at home with your little one - Baby Club and Toddler Club on CBeebies are very good.

There's loads of good stuff on YouTube as well - I like Sing Along with Britt Adams.

You could download the Peanut app - it's a good way to make new mummy friends - getting out to the park etc. with a fellow mum could be really good for you.

I also recommend having a look at the Made by Mammas podcast, there are some really great episodes that you can download. The hosts don't shy away from topics such as depression, losing your identity when you have a baby etc.

Sending lots of love 💘

@VolvoEagle

England. North.

Thank you. I will try those suggestions.

@BestOption

Hi

How old is your Son or Daughter now?
I think a lot of new mums have struggled with the isolation this year & things not being how they expected when they were planning their first child.

From what I've read & heard, the first 3 weeks on S can be awful, making you feel worse than before, but that the cloud starts to lift 3-4 weeks in.

How has your husband been with you & the baby snd the mind numbing jobs that need doing?

Do you know you can form a bubble with a family member or friend when you have a baby? As well as a bubble with a person who lives alone (or lives with children under 18) plus various other exemptions?!

I bet there's a friend or neighbour who would love to bubble with you & your baby.

You need to listen to different news! The news re Astra Zeneca is actually brilliant! Hugely effective against severe Covid and in the YS study completed recently 100% effective against death.

I was very scared in the first lockdown (health conditions, obese, in my 50's) and would wake up and immediately feel scared. It was dreadful. So I know where you're coming from, but the rates have come down
a lot and are still slowly reducing, the vaccine has reduced the numbers getting very ill and treatment had got much much better.

I'm feeling a lot less scared now.

Are you taking the baby out for a walk every day?

🤗🍫🌸

@BestOption

He’s 13 months.

I do know about the support bubble but I haven’t formed one because I’m foo scared to get Covid.

I hope the CBT works for you. As a fellow anxiety sufferer, and having done lots of therapy, I think you will only get better when you accept the following:

You may get covid
You can’t control everything - you can’t control whether you get covid or not - you can’t stop yourself from getting covid
It’s likely one day you’ll get covid
You’ll probably be ok, but you can’t control this either.

You need to find a way to stop feeding your anxiety. Mumsnet doesn’t help. You need, with the help of CBt and medication, to make a choice - the choice to get better. Mumsnet only makes it worse. Google makes it worse. You need to follow what the CBT therapist is telling you, you need to trust them and you need to understand that the problem isn’t covid.

I hope you will better, I know it’s so hard, but I’ve got better and I know you can too. Please step away from Mumsnet and Google, and work with your therapist & GP. Sending you lots of strength!

I don't mind researching what's available in your area to try and help you to take some steps to meet other mums. I'm not a new mum, an old one but I do remember how isolating it can feel in normal times let alone during a pandemic.
You have found another focus for your anxiety, it's really easy to see how your anxiety is making you feel and see things. Easy for me to see, but when you're in the midst, you can't see it yourself.
Can you do one nice thing for you and your baby tomorrow and be pleased with yourself for whatever that may be.
Time I'm sorry to say is an absolute bastard when there is little else to focus on besides what we can't do and covid worries. You can get yourself out of this but here's the tough thing, nobody can do it for you, so do that one nice thing tomorrow

Hi, didn't want to read and run, I'm not particularly eloquent though. What I will say is I suffer from generalised anxiety disorder and covid has been a bloody nightmare. I am on sertraline aswell and it takes time to kick in/get the dose right but for me its been really helpful, it doesn't take away the anxiety but it makes the voices of doom and gloom a little quieter!
I've also had cbt, stick with it! If you don't feel it's helping be honest with your therapist so they can advise you.
You say you're in the North of England, where abouts? Maybe I can sign post you to some helpful resources.
You can do this, you're not alone!

13 months - I bet he's absolutely gorgeous & equally demanding. Is he walking yet?

I understand, I live alone, I could have been in a bubble, but I've been too scared of getting Covid. I have seen my DP once inside this year (and we stayed apart) I'm CEV & he has a DS & a job in contact with lots of people, so we decided the BestOption (hence this user name) was to live apart. It's been a long year, but I still think it was the right decision.

I hope you can get some sleep tonight x

Hello @fireflylanegirls thanks for answering.

I think for the next 4 weeks strip everything back to a really simple daily routine and take it one day at a time. You can tackle the big worries once you feel steadier. You are really in the eye of the storm if you are 2 weeks in to starting medication.

Main elements are: fresh air, exercise, nutritious food, sleep or rest. If you can distract yourself at all - do whatever distracts you. Watch gentle TV, do a crossword, colouring books, sudoko.

@blueyfan gives excellent advice but you may not be able to see or hear it yet.

Give it a week and see how you feel. And then give it another week. Is there someone you can speak to to check in with day to day or week to week?

I've seen your previous thread too and having had bad anxiety in the past, I really feel for you.
I had to go on sertraline at the start of the pandemic last year. I had a toddler and a small baby and it was just all too overwhelming. It took a while to settle down but sertraline has been amazing for me. I believe I've actually been feeling low and anxious for many years and it's helped me get my happiness back.
Could you keep a diary of symptoms for the GP and ask for a review in a month? Sertraline didn't work for a friend of mine and she was prescribed a new medication instead and it works well for her.
I know things are hard but I wish you all the best and things will improve.

How old are you?

Why are you so worried about Covid in particular?

You'll have much more chance or becoming seriously ill with something else such as cancer etc.

Even if you do get Covid, you'll most likely get mild symptoms, especially with the vaccine.

Stop looking on facebook, media, it's all scare mongering and wont help.