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Original poster

AIBU to think of you already live with more adults than just your partner

55 replies

Whocares2021 · 21/03/2021 21:17

It’s taking the piss having another having another household as a support bubble. You have support at home!

OP posts:
BunsyGirl · 21/03/2021 21:51

My dad lived with DH and I when DS2 was a newborn and DS1 was a toddler. He was fecking useless. Wouldn’t pick up the baby or play with the toddler, expected us to cook for him everyday, do his washing etc. He cooked us one meal in 18 months. I definitely would have needed a support bubble because getting out of the house and meeting other people was the only way I kept sane!

Original poster
Whocares2021 · 21/03/2021 21:51

@BlackeyedSusan

maybe the other family members are a bit shit?
Well then I feel it wouldn’t be taking the piss.

Seams it’s unreasonable of me to think that, hopefully bubbles won’t last that much longer and us with toddlers might actually be able to get some help!

OP posts:
HolmeH · 21/03/2021 22:35

& there is the crux @Whocares2021 - you want some help with your young kids. It’s not unreasonable but equally, it’s the rules.

I had a newborn & a toddler during lockdown one. It was HARD. You get some sleep with toddlers. I got none for months as you might expect with a baby. I was recovering from a complicated labour & severe blood loss. I was in constant pain & near breaking point quite a few times. I needed help so badly & yet if wasn’t allowed. I cried with relief when support bubbles for those with babies was introduced. Although I was then past the worst bit, to have a breather was enormous. And I have an extremely supportive OH. But he works long hours. I didn’t see him from 7.30am-6.30pm. You’ve no idea what new mums are going through. If we happened to live with my parents, my Dad would be useless. He’s brilliant with toddlers and older but babies, not his thing.

Toddlers are hard too. In a whole other way. They are physically exhausting & really demanding. I needed help with my toddler too. But she did go to bed at 7pm & sleep with maybe one wake up. And she was/is fun company when she’s on good form.. plus she goes to nursery so that’s a decent break!

CornishTiger · 21/03/2021 22:41

I’ll tell you what takes the piss.

An adult male who is ECV ( ignored it when it hasn’t suited him ) lives with retired parents. One household

Starts yet another relationship in lockdown. Bubbles with her within 2 weeks and 17 year old daughter. Another household

Then has his children from two other relationships visit - two households.

And they all go to his parents and apparently it’s within the rules. I think legally it is. Four households. Three different education establishment. One nhs work place. One other workplace. No wonder COVID restrictions still required.

CornishTiger · 21/03/2021 22:42

Oh and one of the children’s households has another child visit so an extra household.

Yet we visit my MIL ( single adult) but not my parents.

lljkk · 21/03/2021 23:41

yabVU

Waxonwaxoff0 · 22/03/2021 05:56

YANBU to want some help with a toddler but YABU to resent other people from doing something that's perfectly within the rules, just because you can't do it.

OliveTree75 · 22/03/2021 06:03

Ah so you do admit that people with young children might need help. But because you can't have help then nobody should be allowed.

MagpieSong · 22/03/2021 06:05

Not all of our partners are supportive. My husband has MH issues and is currently receiving treatment, but this does not mean he is much use around the house, with children or as an emotional suppport. In fact, he is more work than my child. When I have my baby this summer, I’ll definitely want my mum as a support. It won’t be regular, but it will be a great help to have someone to come occasionally and help with the house, the older dc etc.

I’ve stuck to every rule, but taking bubbles with other families away for parents of under 1s is a bit extreme. Plenty of people have now had a vaccine, which reduces risk of serious illness (but not spreading). The person most at risk is likely to be the mother herself initially, as many trusts won’t vaccinate a pregnant woman. Lots of new parents need support with a young baby, I don’t see why you find it so frustrating? Unless you’re a mum who missed out on that by having a baby in the first lockdown - in which case, it’s unfair that those parents missed out on support in many cases.

MagpieSong · 22/03/2021 06:06

If you’re struggling and have a young child not in the age range, you can technically have compassionate visits from a family member.

cryh · 22/03/2021 06:07

You sound annoyed about your own situation, really. It has been a grim year all round, don't get too petty though, it won't help Flowers

AppleJane · 22/03/2021 07:01

I'm not annoyed that my neighbours have several baby bubbles but I am annoyed about the noise. When they go out to dine in the evening their dogs constantly cry for the 2 or 3 hours they are gone while we can't go out to get away from it and it distresses our own dogs.

Medianoche · 22/03/2021 07:14

I would’ve found having a new baby a lot more stressful if we’d been living in a house with other family members. Not hard to imagine needing to escape from a constant stream of well-meant but outdated advice, or worrying about whether the baby will disturb everyone’s sleep. Having more people in a house could make somethings easier (presuming they’re actually helping), but it could add a lot of stress too.

NuttyinNotts · 22/03/2021 07:18

The government really haven't considered multi generational households in their planning at all, which leads to situations like you are discussing. My neighbours have 2 adults couples with 5 children between them, plus an elderly MIL and yet are entitled to a support bubble (which they do use) because one of the kids is under one.

But on the flip side, lack of consideration for multi generational households means there are plenty of families round here who have caught the virus through work and then been forced to isolate at home, sharing kitchen and bathroom facilities with their elderly and vulnerable parents. In an unfortunate number of cases, this has led to elderly people catching covid and being hospitalised or even dying.

So yeah, maybe they get a perk of getting extra help, but the government's lack of understanding of more than one way of living also places communities with these living arrangements at increased risk.

OverTheRainbow88 · 22/03/2021 07:23

We’ve only recently had support bubbles in Wales so for most of the time unfortunately woman have had to struggle -

So why would you want more women to struggle?
I’m not entitled to a support bubble even though my partner works away 4 days a week and I’ve got young kids. It’s shit. Why would I want others to suffer like this?

IDontLikeMondays88 · 22/03/2021 07:30

Maybe stop worrying about other people OP

BogRollBOGOF · 22/03/2021 08:09

All people should have been entitled to a support bubble.

I have no issue with people that have been entitled to one for one reason or another, but it is wrong that for a year, some people's social needs have not been acknowledged at all.

I live with DH, but he spends 50 hours per week shut away in the "office" needing the rest of the house quiet to not interfer with his calls. During 9 months of children being off school I've not even had the fucking radio for company because it irritates my autistic child and I've been talked at relentlessly about minecraft/ pokemon/ world war 2 weapons and battle strategy.
Since the rule of 6, it's been illegal to meet another family for a walk (and unfortunately over the summer most people I know were too cagey to meet up in any productive way) Most friends live too far away to justify the drive to see them 1:1 for exercise. It's been illegal to see my elderly mum at home and she can't cope with going for a walk, and again the 10 minutes she'd last doesn't justify 2 hours of driving. I'm.a SAHM so don't fit "childcare" requirements. I can't even hold a conversation in the playground properly because I can't hear through face masks or lip read.
It's been a year of social torture for much of the time.

But I haven't forgotten the isolation og the baby years and new mums should have been given bubbles far, far sooner. It's important for their well being and baby's social development to be exposed to more than their immediate family. It should have been a wider pool though.

Original poster
Whocares2021 · 22/03/2021 09:16

@OliveTree75

Ah so you do admit that people with young children might need help. But because you can't have help then nobody should be allowed.
Where have I said people should not have help?
OP posts:
OliveTree75 · 22/03/2021 09:42

You said you would like help with your toddler in your post above, but think people with babies under 1 shouldn't be allowed a support bubble so that they can have help. It reads very much like you are bitter because you can't have a support bubble so think others shouldn't be allowed.
Also, i have a baby under 1. I haven't created a support bubble because my DPs workplace is rife with covid so we didn't want to risk passing anything on to my parents. Which was the right move since we got covid 2 weeks ago. However, it has been the toughest, lonliest, most draining few months of my life home alone with a baby and 2 children to home school. I would have loved a support bubble!

Original poster
Whocares2021 · 22/03/2021 09:48

@OliveTree75

You said you would like help with your toddler in your post above, but think people with babies under 1 shouldn't be allowed a support bubble so that they can have help. It reads very much like you are bitter because you can't have a support bubble so think others shouldn't be allowed. Also, i have a baby under 1. I haven't created a support bubble because my DPs workplace is rife with covid so we didn't want to risk passing anything on to my parents. Which was the right move since we got covid 2 weeks ago. However, it has been the toughest, lonliest, most draining few months of my life home alone with a baby and 2 children to home school. I would have loved a support bubble!
If you read my post properly you’ll see I am not saying that people shouldn’t have support bubbles if they have no help - I’m saying if they already life with and have help from other adults at home - it is taking the piss that they then form a bubble with another household just because they technically can. We should all take responsibility to reduce spread, which you evidently agree with by your actions.
OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 22/03/2021 09:49

A woman's perinatal mental health is important and up to a year .she is vulnerable this is probably why the. Support bubble was allowed,leave them alone op save your anger it really is eating you up!

OliveTree75 · 22/03/2021 09:50

Also there is a real risk of PND even under the best of circumstances, nevermind the worst. So I think it was the right move to allow support bubbles for babies under 1. Just because people have other adults at home doesn't mean they are getting support. My DP is very hands on and supportive.... At weekends. He works 12 hour days through the week and we don't see him!

Original poster
Whocares2021 · 22/03/2021 09:51

@OliveTree75

Also there is a real risk of PND even under the best of circumstances, nevermind the worst. So I think it was the right move to allow support bubbles for babies under 1. Just because people have other adults at home doesn't mean they are getting support. My DP is very hands on and supportive.... At weekends. He works 12 hour days through the week and we don't see him!
I’m talking about people who do have support- honestly it’s like hitting my head against a brick wall here, I think I’ll leave it there.
OP posts:
ChocOrange1 · 22/03/2021 09:53

@Whocares2021

I’m not taking about a situation were the person doesn’t have support at home, I’m taking about someone who does but still risks infecting another household because they have bubbled up with them as a ‘support bubble’
Thats their choice and it is legal.
Mrsjayy · 22/03/2021 09:56

No your talking about people who live with a partner or whoever I don't think you are understanding what this "support bubble is about.