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Original poster

How had Lockdown changed your relationship?

24 replies

flamingo40 · 08/03/2021 20:12

Thinking long and hard about the past year and how it's affected my own relationship.., I'd be interested to hear other peoples experiences?
For us the first lockdown was great, both home, sunny weather, lots of home improvements.
The last has been testing to say the least, only one of us out to work... meaning there's little conversation about our days apart.
It's cold, it's miserable, life's still uncertain financially.
All over social media I see happy families which I'm old enough to know isn't always the truth.. I crave normality.
Is anyone else struggling in their own relationships this time round?

OP posts:
HolmeH · 08/03/2021 22:28

Yes, I’d say so although it’s hard to fully judge as our second child was born last March so our lives kinda changed again a year.

For me, we’ve become very un-coupley .. between two young children, minimal sleep, a lack of any support or childcare, work, isolation, the monotonous routine.. we have zero time for each other. Before covid, my mum would babysit once a week & we’d have date night. We also had at least one weekend every month or so where we’d have a day together. Go to a theme park or cinema or a walk or the beach. Life felt very happy & balanced between parenting, adulting & relationship. We went to work & had time apart and very much missed each other & enjoyed our evenings back together.

We are still really happy. I still love him to death. I couldn’t be without my OH. He has always been my best friend. We are really happy as a family of 4. But the time we have to focus us as a couple is lacking. We are with the kids from 6am to 7.30pm on the days they are at home. At 7.30, one of us cooks dinner, the other does chores. We eat at about 8.30, collapse on the sofa & go to bed about 10pm as we’ll be up with the baby overnight inevitably! The days the kids are at nursery, we working. In the same room. There’s no time apart. I don’t even need that much time apart, I like spending time together but it honestly feels more healthy to have a little time to do our own thing and then come back to each other.

It all just feels a bit flat. Like we need to get our spark back, remember who we are as a couple & not just two parents who are exhausted 🙈

OverTheRubicon · 08/03/2021 22:30

We split up in lockdown one after over a decade together, so overall, I'd say a bad influence. That said... I think it showed up cracks that already existed, and maybe in another decade I'll be thanking my lucky starts for my and my DC's escape.

beatcure1 · 08/03/2021 22:41

It’s highlighted to me how little we have in common and how far apart we have grown.

bloodywhitecat · 08/03/2021 22:44

It's made us stronger. We've been to hell and back with his health but we have faced it together. The thought of him not being in my future scares me witless.

GNCQ · 08/03/2021 22:49

It's been hell I mean that sincerely.
DH has changed from a loving funny happy person who I'd look forward to coming home to, into a moaning, nit-picking, miserable bastard.
I'm understanding because he's really stressed about the pandemic and everything attached to it but I'm at the end of my tether.

Wellbythebloodyhell · 08/03/2021 22:56

@beatcure1

It’s highlighted to me how little we have in common and how far apart we have grown.
This! No arguments no animosity no thing to be honest. Quite sad really
Original poster
flamingo40 · 09/03/2021 06:58

We haven't had one argument during the whole lockdown either. I'm the one going out to work so I'm trying to be sympathetic and understand the impact it's having on him.
I'm just looking forward to him going back to work so I can get our life together back to normal.

OP posts:
EssexLioness · 09/03/2021 07:58

We are happier than ever and grown closer as a couple. The first lockdown was lovely for us, although the colder months have made it more taxing. But we communicate more and appreciate the little things more than ever. However, things are made easier because financially we don’t need to worry and we haven’t had the extra stress of young children to entertain or home schooling etc. I think if we had things may have been different

LemonSherbetFancies · 09/03/2021 08:02

We have grown stronger despite the challenges.
The first lockdown was lovely, made us see, yet again, how right we are for one another, we became even closer.
Unfortunately from the end of last year, we could not live together due to logistics but as a couple, we always adapt and have stayed very close despite how hard it has been. We talk all the time and are really looking forward to the future. I miss him so much but I know it will be amazing once our normal life can resume again.

Original poster
flamingo40 · 09/03/2021 08:23

Really good to see some positives.
I think we all await some sort of normal life don't we?

OP posts:
rainbowdashsneeze · 09/03/2021 08:29

It ended my relationship. A relationship that was perfect pre-lockdown. It was only last week too so the end was in sight he already has his own house. I'm beyond broken.

Whatwouldscullydo · 09/03/2021 08:32

It ended mine . I discovered that the dis interest , the lack.of participation with anything wasn't tiredness from a physical job but just how he was.

I asked him to leave In December.

Brokenrecord3006 · 09/03/2021 08:40

Ours has got better. DH has been out at work as normal and I've been working from home. He was so supportive when I was trying to juggle work and childcare in the first lockdown, I've also loved the extra time we've had together as I haven't had my monster commute.

Awarsewolf · 09/03/2021 08:43

We were discussing this last night. We’ve been non-stop together for nearly a year. Normally we’d both be at work, sometimes working away, seeing friends separately, individual hobbies etc so it made being together as a couple much more special.

Lockdown and cv-19 have essentially meant we are permanently in each others’ presence, with no opportunity to “miss” the other. So we can be more irritable and less couple. We have to book in time to have sex because it has fallen by the wayside... but again, I think the overwhelming boredom of the past six months has had an impact on our motivation levels to be sexually spontaneous. Motivation in general is low for us atm

CrunchyCarrot · 09/03/2021 09:01

It's been a very good year for us as a couple. Normally DP works away a lot of the time, so for the past year he's been WFH and here all the time. It's been lovely and I think he now has a better understanding of my chronic illness as he sees me every day and gets what it's like for me.

We've been able to get kittens, which would have been out of the question for me mainly on my own, I wouldn't have had the energy to deal with them. They're a real joy to us.

We almost feel a bit guilty for having had a good year!

User334567 · 09/03/2021 09:15

We split up im now a single mother

changi · 09/03/2021 09:16

It hasn't changed our relationship at all. Luckily(?) we have both been too busy to suffer from boredom. Time saved on commuting is just spent doing more work. We spend most of the day apart in our own offices just like we would if we were not WFH.

Like a poster above, we do have a kitten that we couldn't have coped with before. That wasn't planned though. He just moved in.

MackenCheese · 09/03/2021 09:34

We split up after the first lockdown as well. As pp have said, the pressure of lockdown just splits preexisting cracks even wider. Looking forward to getting out there and living life to the full with my beautiful dcs!! 😊

Lostinthewilderness · 09/03/2021 10:05

Having to juggle working from home plus childcare has shown that we work well as a team, we’ve not really argued despite the stress. So that’s a positive.

But as another poster said we’ve had no “couple time” especially as grandparents have stopped helping us so we’ve had no one to babysit for the odd evening while we go out (not that there is anywhere to go other than for a walk!) . Also due to having to try to work with young DC in the house we’ve had to catch up on work on Saturday / Sunday nights after DC in bed so again no couple time.

Cloudyrainsham · 09/03/2021 11:51

Not really. I don’t work and my husband has been at work since 3 weeks after the first lockdown. We’ve been mega busy with our business. My kids are teens so no childcare. Our eldest is severely disabled so holidays, nights out, days out etc aren’t a thing, never have been. Not a lot of change for us really.

Hrpuffnstuff1 · 09/03/2021 11:58

We're getting married, so the relationship has moved onto another level. This is despite a heavy financial blow in the first lockdown.

We're both quite happy in each other company, very connected values, sexually etc. Doesn't mean to say we don't fall out, we've just learnt by having no other option to forgive, forget and continue.

SeldomFollowedIt · 09/03/2021 12:20

We already had a good relationship but it’s made us even closer. Love and appreciate my husband very much. We met when we were sixteen, so already feels like a lifetime with him.

Being with him has always felt “easy”.

Deliaskis · 09/03/2021 12:54

We've got along ok and not got on each other's nerves, but it has caused a return of my depression and anxiety so of course that impacts on it. Poor DH. Not really lockdown as such though, it's school closures that have done it both times.

CloudPop · 09/03/2021 12:55

@beatcure1

It’s highlighted to me how little we have in common and how far apart we have grown.
I think this is probably fairly common.
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