Can I take DC on a 7 hour trip to see their Dad?

mrboingboing · 2021-03-07T20:49:41+00:00

As above. I'm losing track of what you can and can't do and when. They haven't seen him since October and he misses them terribly of course. I think contact with parents who are separated has been permitted all along, but I might be wrong. I just wasnt sure because of the long distance and it needing overnight stays, so we avoided up until now. It would be Easter weekend we'd be thinking of going.

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 07/03/2021 20:53

Children are allowed to travel between parents. Have been all along. Tahr your DC to see their father. Poor things.

Aimee1987 · 07/03/2021 20:55

Yeah a child from a split parent household can go between houses.

Orchidflower1 · 07/03/2021 20:57

Why can he not come to them to save you the journey?

Frazzled2207 · 07/03/2021 21:04

Yes definitely. I think a potential grey area is you staying there - assuming you are not a couple - def fine for the kids - but given the distance involved sounds pretty reasonable.

AnotherEmma · 07/03/2021 21:05

@Orchidflower1

Why can he not come to them to save you the journey?

This

Coffeeandcocopops · 07/03/2021 21:07

Yes and has been the case since March 2020. Mine see their dad EOW.

Porcupineintherough · 07/03/2021 21:09

Could you not both meet halfway? Then no overnights necessary?

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 07/03/2021 21:11

Maybe he's in prison? Physically unable to travel? Caring fir someone? Lots of reasons.

They're allowed to travel to see him. But they would be generally be expected to be staying with him you can travel for care etc. I would think it would take a complete bastard to fine you for it, & I'm sure it would get thrown out, but it might all be a bit of a bloody hassle.

Especially Easter Weekend when lots of people will be going places they shouldn't be.

IF you're going to do it, I'd get booked ASAP.

Original poster

mrboingboing · 07/03/2021 21:38

Thanks all. Yes I did suggest he came to us, but he's got lots of excuses, such as his old car, the dogs, can't afford it, bla bla bla. I even offered to pay for his diesel. The children would much prefer him to come to us, my DD gets car sick so hates the journey, bless her. He's never made much effort to see them tbh, I've been trying to arrange this for ages.

Meeting half way wouldn't really be feasible, 7/8 hours driving for only an hour or two with him, would be exhausting for them.

The plan is that we would all stay at his for 3 nights. No we're not together anymore ( but are amicable) and I would rather stay in a travelodge but I'm not sure if I'm allowed?

OP posts:

peak2021 · 07/03/2021 21:52

No Travelodge, would have to be at his house.

Could it wait until mid April when overnight stays at least in self catering places may be an option? You could break the journey then, or maybe he could come to you by train?

Original poster

mrboingboing · 07/03/2021 21:54

@peak2021

No Travelodge, would have to be at his house.

Could it wait until mid April when overnight stays at least in self catering places may be an option? You could break the journey then, or maybe he could come to you by train?

It looks like the guidance says I can, this is taken from the gov.uk Accommodation Holiday accommodation must close. Hotels, hostels and other holiday accommodation including (bed and breakfast accommodation, holiday apartments, homes, cottages or bungalows, campsites, caravan parks or boarding houses, canal boats or any other vessels) must only provide accommodation for a person who: • is unable to return to their main residence • uses it as their main residence • needs it while moving house • needs it to attend a funeral, linked commemorative event or following a bereavement of a close family member or friend • is isolating themselves from others as required by law • is an elite athlete (or their coach or parent) and needs it for training or competition • needs it for work purposes, or to provide voluntary or charitable service • is homeless • was staying there for when England entered lockdown • needs it to attend education or training • needs it to visit a person who is dying • needs it to care for a vulnerable person or seek respite from doing so • needs it to attend a medical appointment or treatment • needs it as a parent for the purposes of access to a child where the child does not live in the same household as their parents or one of their parents

OP posts:

AnotherEmma · 07/03/2021 22:01

@mrboingboing

Thanks all. Yes I did suggest he came to us, but he's got lots of excuses, such as his old car, the dogs, can't afford it, bla bla bla. I even offered to pay for his diesel. The children would much prefer him to come to us, my DD gets car sick so hates the journey, bless her. He's never made much effort to see them tbh, I've been trying to arrange this for ages.

Meeting half way wouldn't really be feasible, 7/8 hours driving for only an hour or two with him, would be exhausting for them.

The plan is that we would all stay at his for 3 nights. No we're not together anymore ( but are amicable) and I would rather stay in a travelodge but I'm not sure if I'm allowed?

Do they really want to see him? Will it benefit them to do this much travelling for a shitty excuse for a father, who isn't bothered about seeing them?

Embracelife · 07/03/2021 22:05

Why are you bothering?
If he wont make the effort
He wants your dc to go on a 8 hr journey and get carsick?
Let him book self catering place nr you from 12 April with his dogs and they can visit him every day for a week

Porcupineintherough · 07/03/2021 23:42

@mrboingboing I meant meet half way to hand them over, then he takes them home and you drive back to your home. Same again 3 days later. No overnights needed for you or him.

Orchidflower1 · 08/03/2021 05:58

I’m sorry but I’d say half way it nothing at this moment. He can’t be that bothered or he’d make the effort.

HelpMeh · 08/03/2021 06:08

Fuck that. They're allowed to see him and have been throughout but I wouldn't be dragging my travel sick child anywhere for his lazy arse. He can move himself or miss out.

Original poster

mrboingboing · 08/03/2021 07:04

Oh I see Porcupine. But no, I wouldn't do that as I need to be close by in case they need me. He doesn't have a great relationship with my son who has additional needs as he doesn't understand him, and DS is very close to me and couldn't cope with me being so far away in case he got distressed.

I do see why everyone's saying why bother. But it's guilt. I moved them so far away from him as after we separated he made very little effort with them and I was struggling with no family support working full time, hence why I moved them here where all my family are.

And my DD at least misses him. But would prefer him to come here.

OP posts:

uhtredsonofuhtred1 · 08/03/2021 07:41

My exH has had to stay in premier inns a few times in this lockdown. Usually at short notice when he hasn't been able to get to the right places on time during the day. So they are open and available.

Orchidflower1 · 08/03/2021 08:21

Does he actually bother in other ways- cards? Video chats? Calls? Money?

peak2021 · 08/03/2021 08:33

Hotels and other accommodation may in theory cover your trip, but you may need a fair bit of evidence or documentation as proof if you decide to do this.

I think given that your DC are having to manage with the return to school and the challenge this brings, you should wait a while. Especially as you suggest Easter weekend, not a time within the school holidays. Or perhaps he should make the effort and travel to you.

Aimee1987 · 08/03/2021 11:04

@peak2021

Hotels and other accommodation may in theory cover your trip, but you may need a fair bit of evidence or documentation as proof if you decide to do this.

I think given that your DC are having to manage with the return to school and the challenge this brings, you should wait a while. Especially as you suggest Easter weekend, not a time within the school holidays. Or perhaps he should make the effort and travel to you.

Easter is in the school holidays ( it certainly is for DSS so I assume is for at least some schools in the country.)

Also I dont think you need a ridiculous amount of proof to stay in a hotel. Somone at my work stayed in one for 2 weeks as he had a flatmate who was behaving violently. He just had to say that to the hotel and they let him book. I guess theres no harm in ringing to double check before you go.

PercyPiginaWig · 08/03/2021 11:54

It's fine to stay in a hotel.
If he has space for you OP then you could form a support bubble for a few days (assuming at least one of you is a single adult household) and stay there.
You are allowed to change support bubbles with a gap (I think it's a 10 day gap).
Likewise you could offer to put him up at your home as you say you are on friendly terms.
DH has travelled for work, always has a letter with him, and hasn't been asked for it recently at any hotels, last time he was asked was in December. That's a bit irrelevant anyway as you do have a permitted reason. But in your shoes I'd be putting pressure on him to travel, surely less risky for one adult to travel and he'd need fewer pitstops than a travel sick child.

Original poster

mrboingboing · 08/03/2021 17:18

@Orchidflower1

Does he actually bother in other ways- cards? Video chats? Calls? Money?

Not really. Sent cards at Christmas but no presents. Never video calls them, I make sure they call him. Hasn't paid a penny of child maintenance ever. The fact he's always been a cock-lodging man child is why I left him.

Why am I bothering?????

OP posts:

AnotherEmma · 08/03/2021 17:26

Can't you go to CMS? Is he self-employed?

IloveJKRowling · 08/03/2021 19:05

Why am I bothering?????

Well, yes. Good question. I really wouldn't. It's a lot of hassle and it's not a good precedent to set that you'll go to him when he's being an arse - it will enable him to continue being an arse.

The message he's sending is that his dogs are more important to him than his kids. That's not ok.

People with dogs manage to go away all the time - put them in kennels or get someone to walk them and feed them. It's not rocket science.