To not tell child they have covid

[OverTheRainbow88]

What do people think about not telling younger children they have covid? My son is 4, he’s quite sensitive; I’m sure I could keep him home and occupied for 10 days without him knowing why.

What do others think?

If it would worry him now (and it sounds as if it would), why tell him? Once he's through it and feeling back to normal, you can explain and then he will see that having Covid for most people (especially children) is not life threatening and he may then worry less for others in his family etc.

Don’t worry him unnecessarily. I really don’t understand some posters, I’m confident they wouldn’t speak to people in real life as they would here.

I’d tell him once he was fully recovered, as it reassures him further that it wasn’t that bad and that he now has better protection than most from catching it again. But not before you’re confident he’s no longer contagious.

Hope he feels much better soon! ❤️

Or maybe a small half truth?

Like, "yes it is covid but our tests say that we only have mild covid so we will only be a bit poorly. Remember we had that cold last year? It wasn't very nice but we snuggled up under the duvet and we all got better quickly".
...Or something along those lines.
Reassuring, bending the truth a little, comparing it to something he's been through before to lessen the fear of the unknown.

It's better to level with our anxious children, it helps them to learn they can cope with adversity and builds confidence.

Why does he need to think its something scary. My 4 year old knows there's a virus and grasps the basics of the severity of it but we've also been very careful to keep the focus on NOT scaremongering her into thinking that getting it is worth getting anxious about. Manage his expectations now, kids reflect what they see the people who care for then reacting to, so it maybe worth considering if you have been demonstrating an unnecessary anxiety to him.

I’ve not been demonstrating any sort of anxiety, he goes to pre school every day, and we’ve gone to work every day throughout. We don’t talk about covid at all, and still go to playgrounds and anything that is open.

But he’s an anxious child, always has been. He works with the SENCo at pre school.

Fair enough so you can take the opportunity before he gets it to minimise the anxiety about actually getting it. I wouldn't lie to him but I wouldn't make getting it any bigger a deal than getting an ear infection or a sickness bug.

@OwlBasket

If he’s ill then he’ll surely notice that? It’d be dreadful to gaslight him that he isn’t when he can feel that he is. TBH I don’t think you have to name it by it’s name though, would you if it was norovirus? You do need to acknowledge that he has ‘a nasty virus’ and tell the truth if he asks if he has corona.

I think talk of “gaslighting” is a bit extreme when we have post from a worried mum who is wondering what is best for her child 🙄

@ScrapThatThen

It's better to level with our anxious children, it helps them to learn they can cope with adversity and builds confidence.

Agree. Otherwise, well intended protective behaviour can lead to more anxiety for the child later on for many reasons.

We had it recently, my son is five and knows that covid makes you a bit poorly, I told him its like a bad cold for most people.

I told him he had it, he was excited to see his results (which reflects how boring life is), my partner and I also tested positive a few days later, we most likely caught it from my son, but I did lie and said someone else had accidentally given it to me. It’s a good job I did as I had to go to hospital for a short time, so it was important that it wasn’t the fault of anyone in our home. We drew some pictures of covid so he could have a think about it, to lighten the mood and so he had the opportunity to ask questions.

It may be a good idea to talk about covid, if you have chosen not to talk about it he is only able to use his imagination and likely wrong things he has heard at school. If you explain what covid is, that it is like a cold (which it thankfully is for most people) etc you will most likely lessen his worries.

My son is 3.5 and I have never told him anything about Covid. I don't think this is gaslighting - I don't think he needs to know. What good can it do to tell him? If he got it, I would just say he was staying home because he was poorly.

My son is 3.5 and I have never told him anything about Covid.

Really? Has he not noticed that you never see family, never go anywhere and are wearing masks all the time? Nursery shut in lockdown 1? How have you explained that one away? My youngest has turned 4 this week and he’s definitely noticed his world had changed. I don’t think I could have avoided telling him anything about Covid.

No I wouldn’t tell him, I’d just say (if sick) he has the flu, covid can be a big scary word for such a young child. He’s 4 ffs- honesty the best policy doesn’t come into it.

Personally I'd not tell me D's who's also very sensitive and has anxiety around whole covid thing, he's 6. His dgp had it recently and we didn't tell him as we thought it was unnecessary worry for him, luckily all went well for dgp. They have enough to deal with being surrounded by it in school (key worker child) and the news etc

@PotteringAlong

My son is 3.5 and I have never told him anything about Covid.

Really? Has he not noticed that you never see family, never go anywhere and are wearing masks all the time? Nursery shut in lockdown 1? How have you explained that one away? My youngest has turned 4 this week and he’s definitely noticed his world had changed. I don’t think I could have avoided telling him anything about Covid.

I never told my child- was 2.5 in the first lockdown, so never questioned being home. Now she’s heard the word at nursery but we don’t discuss it- she’s figured out we wear masks in shops and is twigging that places are closed, makes me very sad, I see no reason to explain a pandemic to such a minor

I think I might avoid saying I'm those circumstances. It's possible that one of you will catch it from him, and then he'll be more anxious about you being ill, as well as feeling guilty that you caught it from him. Just say the swab shows he has a virus or a bug so needs to stay home.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers surely them noticing stuff is different is exactly why you tell them what’s happening, in an age appropriate way?
I have told mine that there is a virus around that is just like a cold for young people but can be serious for old people or people who are already poorly so things will be different for a while so that we can protect them.
There’s no way I’d get away with saying nothing when their lives are so different to before.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers are they your only child? Mine was just 3 the first time and went from full time nursery to at home with all of us and his 2 big brothers in lockdown 1 so maybe it’s the fact that we speak about it more generally with the bigger 2.

But yes, I agree with @MrBullinaChinaShop, there’s no way I would have got away without explaining why they’ve not seen their grandparents for a year for example. Or why we couldn’t go swimming, or to soft play, or on the park in lockdown 1...

[quote MrBullinaChinaShop]@OnlyFoolsnMothers surely them noticing stuff is different is exactly why you tell them what’s happening, in an age appropriate way?
I have told mine that there is a virus around that is just like a cold for young people but can be serious for old people or people who are already poorly so things will be different for a while so that we can protect them.
There’s no way I’d get away with saying nothing when their lives are so different to before.[/quote]
Agree. Parents are there to provide context to children and help them understand their environment. I find it astounding that a child may not have been spoken to about the use of masks... what must they be thinking in their own mind about it all or rather feeling...

I would not tell him

@SmudgeButt yes exactly this

If he's an extreme anxious child and judging by what you said here, he is. l wouldn't. Tell him has an infection (has to take precautions) and to let you know if the symptoms get worse.
Hope he's feeling better soon x

I don't think lying would help. My DS is younger, but he asked about the virus, so I told him the truth that little ones don't get ill, maybe a cough or funny tummy for a few days. (I didn't bother explaining fever, we would calpol our way through that if he caught covid). Can you reassure him that he doesn't need to be anxious with something like that?

No I wouldn’t worry about telling him. My DD had it and she’s 4. They don’t get any sicker with it than anything else anyway so to them it’ll just be a little bug it’s not worth scaring them. What’s the point? It’ll be gone in a few days. And as for people saying presumably he’s been tested so he’d be aware... have you met a 4 yo?? My kid can’t even remember what she had for breakfast let alone having a q-tip in her mouth for 10 second 3 days ago. Just play it down it’s not worth the worry. It’ll pass before you know it