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Original poster

Is this essential travel?

22 replies

Youtakethelead · 18/02/2021 15:40

My boyfriend and I are in LDR. We can’t form a bubble as he lives with his sister due to financial difficulties and I have a lodger currently.
We haven’t seen each other since December and both getting increasingly desperate to see one another.
He lives 180 miles away, but our plan was to meet somewhere in the middle for a walk, just to be together in person rather than via a screen.
He’s becoming increasingly depressed and he may be losing his job, it’s been hinted to him that redundancies are coming and he might be on the list. He told me last night he’s had some thoughts of self harm and suicide.
I’m really worried about him.

If I were to drive and meet him halfway outside somewhere, if I was stopped by police would I be fined or would it be classed as essential travel? Because he feels so low and we are in an established relationship. Plus we’ll be meeting outdoors and that’s low risk.
Thanks in advance for any help anyone can give me.

OP posts:
StarCat2020 · 18/02/2021 15:51

I hope someone will be able to answer your question but can I just ask what is LDR?

zafferana · 18/02/2021 15:55

Difficult one OP! One the one hand we're supposed to stay at home and only leave home for essential purposes (essential travel is for overseas I think) and meeting up is not allowed for social purposes, only for exercise. However, caring for a vulnerable person is allowed and someone who his having thoughts of self harm and suicide would, I'm assuming, count as vulnerable.

If he's seriously considering those things he really should talk to his GP as a matter of urgency, as whether he sees you or not that's not a good place for him to be mentally.

QueenOfLabradors · 18/02/2021 15:57

@StarCat2020

I hope someone will be able to answer your question but can I just ask what is LDR?
LDR is Long Distance Relationship.
manicinsomniac · 18/02/2021 15:58

I think you'd be fined but you're unlikely to be caught.

If you really think he needs you, I'd go. Is he not close to his sister? No local friends he can talk to?

Original poster
Youtakethelead · 18/02/2021 15:59

@StarCat2020 Long Distance Relationship

OP posts:
StarCat2020 · 18/02/2021 15:59

Thank you for the explanation!!

JanewaysBun · 18/02/2021 16:01

Totally fine and there s no way a fine would stand up in court - you're going to care for someone who is suicidal.

Would it not make sense for you to go all the way and stay in an air bnb? Sounds like he may need more than a short walk if he is feeling suicidal

Original poster
Youtakethelead · 18/02/2021 16:02

@JanewaysBun I didn’t think air b&bs were taking bookings?

OP posts:
Original poster
Youtakethelead · 18/02/2021 16:03

@JanewaysBun I just think he wants to see me as it says it makes him feel calmer. Even if it’s just a walk.

OP posts:
extentioncord · 18/02/2021 16:03

Tbh if he is having suicidal thoughts it's not a walk with you he needs. Has he spoken to his GP?

lucywho123 · 18/02/2021 16:04

Go and see him OP. If something happened to him, and you could have seen him to stop it, you wouldn't forgive yourself

emmathedilemma · 18/02/2021 16:05

I would say it comes under travel to "to provide care for disabled or vulnerable people".

Original poster
Youtakethelead · 18/02/2021 16:10

Thanks 🙏 does anyone have any info directly from the government website that I could use if I was stopped by the police? I’m hoping it won’t come to that. But in case.

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 18/02/2021 16:12

@extentioncord

Tbh if he is having suicidal thoughts it's not a walk with you he needs. Has he spoken to his GP?
I’d echo this, if he already lives with close family and needs extra support he may need to go down the medical route to access the support he needs.

Is there any reason he can’t move in with you? A lodger wouldn’t impact on that as you would be sharing a room.

Fiona2020 · 18/02/2021 16:18

Go and see him. Sod the rules. I’d not have thought twice about this

FishWithoutABike · 18/02/2021 16:19

If he’s genuinely that depressed a fine is the least of your issues, I’d go see him and give him a hug when your there.

Spodge · 18/02/2021 16:24

There is no legal cap on distance for travelling for exercise (though 90 miles is pushing it to levels that even I would not care to justify to the police and I am no fan of restrictions) so I think you could use the exercise reason if stopped by the police, but they would probably challenge it. If they issue you a fixed penalty notice you can refuse to accept it and then you would have to see if they prosecute you. I believe there is no cap on distance for travelling to help a vulnerable person which would seem to be the case here. That is probably the most sensible reason to give to the police if stopped and would be the least likely to make them give you a fixed penalty notice. Again, if they did issue a penalty notice you could refuse to accept it and see if they prosecute.

poblwcymru · 18/02/2021 16:30

I've been travelling 30+miles a day to work since beginning of January and haven't been stopped nor have I seen anyone be stopped. I'd go.

amylou8 · 18/02/2021 16:39

Go and see him. I travel 100 miles every weekend to see my partner, we're a bubble as he lives alone, but to be perfectly honest I'd be going anyway. They're taking the absolute proverbial now. He's your partner, you're in a long term commitment relationship, this nonsense really has to stop.

lunapeace · 18/02/2021 16:43

Surely if you are in a relationship you wouldn't give it a second thought and would want to see him and not give a stuff about rules (a lot of which make no sense).

irregularegular · 18/02/2021 16:43

Of course you should go and see him. He's depressed and having thoughts about suicide. You are providing support for someone in need. the rules about travel for exercise are vague anyway. I'd be amazed if you would be stopped, even more amazed if you would be significantly penalised. And unless you are penniless it would be worth it anyway.

Original poster
Youtakethelead · 20/02/2021 07:30

Thank you everyone.
I’m going to do it Flowers

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