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Covid

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Original poster

Very sad, isolated 11 year old

23 replies

Scottishmum1984 · 13/02/2021 23:39

Hello,

I’m increasingly worried about my 11 year old DS and wondered if anyone is having similar issues...

My son has always been shy and quite quiet around other kids and at school but has around three close friends. Unfortunately two of the friends are in families very cautious about Covid and are not seeing anyone outside their bubble (even outdoors for walks etc as is allowed in the rules for kids). No judgment of them at all, we are all navigating this awful time in our own way. His other friend he has seen around once a week for a walk or this week, sledging.

But apart from that, I’m a single parent in a full time job. Key worker but can work from home so no hub school. He has a little sister who is 8. He really struggles with the school work from home, he greatly benefits from peer support in the classroom. He’s bored, he’s becoming anxious and I think even depressed.

He told me tonight he’s given up on having any friends and that the idea of school makes him feel scared and worried. I’m heartbroken for him. My daughter seems more resilient, and is helped that our neighbour is one of her friends so they can play out in the garden.

He’s anxious and stressed about home schooling, bored and lonely.

There has been no date even suggested for p7 going back in Scotland.

I just don’t know what I can realistically do to help him. He can’t stand zoom calls either and some boys he played Fortnite with no longer let him job the group games (they weren’t really close friends).

Has anyone been through similar and had any advice? Thank you!

OP posts:

Carryingon · 13/02/2021 23:41

Tell the school your concerns about his well-being
And they may let him go in a couple of days a week.

Larsingsong · 13/02/2021 23:44

My 11yr old is also struggling. A massive step up in workload from Y6 to Y7. He never sees friends outdoors, just chats online.

It's mainly the home school work making him anxious and the general monotony of lockdown.

He needs to be back in school and socialising before he feels any better.

Ledkr · 13/02/2021 23:58

Yes, call the school. I'm pastoral support and have arranged for a few children to come. In part time in the same circumstances.

Original poster

Scottishmum1984 · 14/02/2021 00:05

I have reached out to the school, but I’m afraid that is not an option, they are beyond strict. Even as a key worker single parent they wouldn’t consider and again when mental health concerns raised. All they suggested was a one to one check in with his teacher.

OP posts:

partyatthepalace · 14/02/2021 00:14

A friend had similar worries with her child, she called - they said no, she called again - they said no. She called again and burst into tears and they gave her 3 days a week.

So push very hard.

icegarden · 14/02/2021 00:20

Push very very hard. They should be in.

CountessFrog · 14/02/2021 00:24

It’s a massive issue when other families won’t let their children out.

DD16 has one main best friend. Her parents have refused to let her out of the house since before Xmas. It’s ridiculous beyond belief. Their choice but affects my DD, too.

I feel for you.

Londonmummy66 · 14/02/2021 00:38

So sorry for your DS - one of mine has a place to go back after half term as she can't cope with the isolation any longer - we have one key worker parent wfh so not entitled to a place but she hasn't met a friend (in fact anyone except us and DC1) since they broke up at Christmas

It is so so tough for the children at the moment.

grassisjeweled · 14/02/2021 00:39

Cry on the phone. Tell them you need him in.

That's enough, ffs.

OpheliasCrayon · 14/02/2021 01:20

Pps telling op to cry.. it's not that simple, some schools just won't, so giving false hope that she could solve it like that isn't so helpful I don't think. We have even more compelling reasons why our children should be in, and I know a family with reasons that are way way more deserving of our reason to be in school as well - but it's a definite no.

It isn't "official" that schools have to let children in for whatever reasons. It's the guidance that they should but if they say their risk assessment doesn't allow it then that's that.

I'm so sorry OP your DS sounds like he is struggling so much and it must be heartbreaking for you. My DD is also struggling for other things and I too am having some cries over it it's just breaking me. I don't kno what to suggest - despite what I've said, do try the school one more time and really lay it out for them. You need to say that I you have concerns for his safety and well-being (keeping children at home "safely" is the key word here for school places ), and that he's struggling so much with his mental health that you have concerns about this. You could even speak to your GP for some backup maybe? It may work , though I understand it really may not but i suppose it's worth one last try using those words.

If it doesn't work I'm sorry OP truly and I just hope that this is over by March 8 as is being suggested, for everyones sakes. Keep on in there, it's unbearable I know

ASnowman · 14/02/2021 01:30

My son keeps in touch with his friends by whatsapp group calls, playing Among us together and programming in scratch. They comment on each others pages and come up with ideas together. They also have a discord group. He has even written a couple of letters and posted them to friends to surprise them. He does miss them terribly though.

marieantoinehairnet · 14/02/2021 07:13

I think it's absolutely terrible that the school won't let you send him in under these circumstances. He's obviously really struggling and he's exactly the type of child who should have a place. I'd actually be taking this up with your local authority if they continue to say no. Would a doctors visit help then it could validate the need?

CKBJ · 14/02/2021 07:51

Can he not zoom call/WhatsApp 2 friends that aren’t allowed out? Why only meeting friend once a week, couldn’t that be increased? What would he normally be into? Encouragement to start a new hobby-depending on interests. Set realistic goals to do some school work even if not all completed and honestly upload what has been done. It is a possibility he struggled in normal times but was masked by peers? Set aside a time every day for family fun, silly things (depending on interests) encourage him to interact with sister more. Really hope you can get him a school place or better still they open soon.

Cattitudes · 14/02/2021 07:59

Could you form a childcare bubble with the one friend who he can see. If his parents were willing to sometimes have your ds, you could return the favour and it might mean you spend less time overseeing ds and more time working. If he does school work with a friend he might be more willing to work. It must be quite a distraction from work.

Original poster

Scottishmum1984 · 17/02/2021 18:16

An update on this.. I did contact the school but they said they can’t offer a space as I work from home :(

OP posts:

mumwalk · 17/02/2021 19:04

If it's any consolation, you are not alone. There are a lot of children out there struggling and a lot of parents hanging on by a thread. I don't have any advice other than try to hang in there and try not to feel guilty. It's not our fault our children are going through this and there's a limit to how much we can make it better for them. I think the news yesterday the some are returning, which will have brought relief to many, has actually made me feel even more despondent. Hang in there.

Kitcat122 · 17/02/2021 19:33

I am the same. A 11ds. Very shy so starting high school was a massive challenge. Just started to settle and make friends and now is up in his room all day. Although I make him go out the house once a day for a skateboard or walk. He has lost contact with most of his new friends as difficult to keep up new friends online. I just hope schools go back even if it was one day a week. Realistically I know once he is back he will be fine. However his anxiety about going back to school is high. He wants to stay home.

Layladylay234 · 17/02/2021 19:52

I'd be having very stern words with the school about the evidence that mental health problems amongst children are on the rise due to this lockdown and that they have a responsibility to help your son avoid these. If you are a keyworker, can you not just get a letter saying that so and say you've now been told you have to go into work? Your son's mental health needs to take priority. x

Layladylay234 · 17/02/2021 19:54

Also, there are a few single parent FB groups, have you joined them? It might be worth trying to start up a few virtual friendships for him this way? Or is there any family you can bubble with as a single family?

As a former single parent, my heart goes out to you and your son. I can't imagine what it's like x

Iremembertheelderlykoreanlady · 17/02/2021 19:57

So sorry your child is suffering OP.

It's good that he's been seeing one friend though.

RippleEffects · 17/02/2021 20:12

Would he be up for any activities out the house like dog walking? I'm wondering if he could be motivated by a bit of outside activity each day that maybe helps out another person, gets him out and sometimes human contact (regardless of who its with) is beneficial. So is fresh air and exercise.

Accept the contact with the tutor, maybe even phone them - they may even be able to unofficially suggest other pupils your DS could be in contact with.

My DC are 17, just 15 and just 10. The fifteen year old has had some quite low spells but has with some nudging fallen in with a couple of others he barely knew pre lockdown really into minecraft and they're rebuilding something or other at present. Its given him a real focus and something to do rather than just chat. Just chatting is hard especially if you don't feel you have anything interesting to say.

My ten year old moved schools a couple of weeks before lockdown 1 having lost all self confidence at her last school. Her school have been great and nurtured online communication between children - its really helped us out. They parallel play games online with a bit of chat but it is communication.

Original poster

Scottishmum1984 · 17/02/2021 23:19

That sounds really nice @RippleEffects

I have to say I’ve been very disappointed with my children’s school. His teacher has been fantastic at preparing fun and engaging lessons but when I’ve reached out over my son’s anxiety and refusal to work she has been of the ‘he’s old enough to get on with it’ persuasion. I was also upset at the start of lockdown that I couldn’t get my kids in the school despite being a single parent key worker. I told them how horrendous it was last time but they said as I work from home I can’t.

I completely understand my son is not the only one going through this and it saddens me to hear of other kids in this situation. Thanks for all the suggestions. Minecraft online with a friend could actually be a good shout as he’s really into that.

OP posts:

Thepilotlightsgoneout · 17/02/2021 23:32

Is it possible to do his schoolwork with a friend? As in, they get on FaceTime/zoom and do the work together? Really helped my DS last time.

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