The worst bit about home learning.....

[beckypv]

I’m generally a person who ‘gets on with things’. I normally put a positive spin on things, and like to follow the roles. I’m lucky to me furloughed and able to support my kids with their home learning..... but I am coming across the first thing that has really stressed me out in this whole pandemic. It is realising that my year 7 boy just doesn’t give a s**t. The standard of work he produces is awful. He doesn’t always follow all the instructions, can’t be bothered to correct mistakes even though he sees them, doesn’t care about presentation, spelling is terrible .... no effort to do it the best he can. Honestly, it’s hurting me. If I help him, and encourage him to do it properly, he just moans that his friends don’t have a mum sitting over him checking up on him and ‘not everything has to be perfect’. He doesn’t seem to understand that hard work and doing your best is one of the foundations of a good life as an adult. It worries me that there is no way he’s going to do well in future exams if he ‘can’t be bothered’ most of the time. So then where does that leave his future?
How do you encourage a child to do better? He never gets feedback on his spelling or presentation from school. And rarely about content .... so why would he ever bother to try harder?
Sorry for the moan.....

@Mumdiva99 that sounds very like my situation and I’d imagine that’s what I’d get from a parents evening too. The school have listed the way they give kids feedback during lockdown and 2 of the main things were self marking and reflecting on model answers (and then improving their own). But honestly, if your kid doesn’t really care.... those processes aren’t particularly useful.
@rawlikesushi thanks for input. It isn’t something that has been bought up successively by teachers in the past but I suspect it has always been the case. It feels like if it’s not awful in the eyes of the teacher, it’s ok. Soft improvement suggestions don’t really work with a child that’s not bothered. Now we are 6 weeks in, I’d hope the teachers could judge which kids are engaging in I line learning and therefore then feel safe to be a bit more direct with feedback.
Home learning feels like it’s a ticket to coast.
I agree with you, it’s dawning in me now that it is me that is going to have to be the bad guy ..... so now to work out the best approach 😀

OP nothing motivates my kids more than knowing they don’t get their electronic devices until they’ve done their work properly. I’d pick whatever your son would rather be doing instead of working, and ensure he can’t do it until he’s finished his learning.

@Fucket I know what your saying. He does always finish all his work.... he know there would be ‘electronic consequences 😂’ if he didn’t. It’s just how to improve the quality of his work without me micro managing. I know if I was wfh/out at work I wouldn’t be able to look through everything he does and compare it to the tasks set. I’d just like him to take more responsibility to be the best he can be!!!

Could you message his teacher and let them know how you are feeling (in a nice way)? As a teacher I'd want to know this. Staff at our school are trying to be encouraging at the moment and being very careful about too many points for improvement. Some children and families are really struggling others put immense pressure on their children and we worry about them. If I knew that a family were coping well but the child needed a push, I would be very happy to help.

I think it’s easier when they are primary and I’m hoping by secondary for mine it will be second nature.

Perhaps an insensitive scheme? Something to motivate him?

Sorry should say incentive

If I were you I really wouldnt get after him too much during home learning, it really is bloody hard for them all and what you don't want is a unmotivated and dispirited kid, this isn't going on forever. It sounds like he's doing ok and getting everything in.
However, I would tackle it once he's back in school, contact his teachers and check homework he's giving back. At the end of the day though motivation has got to come from within him, you can't make him a motivated learner by forcing him to be one and getting cross won't help. I say this as a mum who has got cross, it gets me nowhere! What has worked though is praising the good stuff - I also remind him of the great pieces of work I've seen and what he is capable of if he tries.

I'm v similar. I was a real teacher pleasing geek at school and would have taken all schooling, at home or not, very seriously. DS, yr4, thinks learning is for losers and I find it very difficult. He is naturally bright but does not apply himself. I find it very frustrating because he could do better. I've told him this in both encouraging and occasionally more threatening ways (talking about how effort = success) and it's hard to accept that he doesn't see learning the same way that I do.

@lonelyplanet thank you for that advice. The more I’ve written on this thread, the more I’m thinking that might be necessary. I’m not really one for emailing teachers, I trust their judgement and have always believed what will be will be. I certainly wouldn’t want to be ‘one of those parents’. But I guess these are unique times ....

My eldest was a lot like this but has got much better with age. I remember have proper arguments with him over homework that was a) copy and pasted from the internet and b) using font size 16 in Word when required to submit a page of writing.

Not sure if it was the laziness that wound me up or the fact he genuinely thought teachers wouldn’t notice

Same here (super-selective grammar Year 8 DS). I read something he had submitted today. He had done the bare minimum (e.g. it said "present at least two arguments", so he presented one and a half), it was full of spelling mistakes and missing capital letters (that the computer was highlighting FFS!) and he'd been asked to write it as a letter, but didn't bother with any of the topping and tailing etc. He did change these things when I insisted he 'unsubmitted' and re-submit, but I was shocked he thought this was good enough.

Like you OP, I don't want to have a battle over this and make him miserable; I want to preserve his (so far) good mental health. No complaints from school. I just hope he works harder when back in classroom!

I like the "pick one piece that needs to be done really well" like @rawlikesushi suggests. I couldn't do it for every piece of work.

I'm only doing h/s with my eldest. With my reception and KS1 children I've let school know very politely that I can't manage their stuff too but will continue to read, draw etc. and teachers were happy.

Yes @beckypv, my friend is hardcore, and isn't phased by any upset created, but tbh there isn't much. I think her kids just know she means business and do it. Sigh.

It's hard if it is so incredibly boring. I can't believe the level of some stuff I'm having to trudge through with dd. It's so boring. I don't think pretending it isn't is a help. I acknowledged it and laugh about it... Then try and work out what's the goal, bribe to get it done...

I agree with raw... Forget all else and concentrate on inspiring him to do one piece of work really well.

What would motivate him? Money, trainers... Game ££?? Key into motivation and concentration on one piece at a time...

Also, he may not know how to do it well so also, sit with him and see if he knows how and support him.

Op I've realised that if dc is struggling then absolutely need to be that parent and get to the bottom of any issues.

We suspect dd is dyslexic, no one from the school told me, inspite of endless reversals, it was outside brought in help that told me it looks that way and offered support and tips.

It's a shame there is this fear of being that parent, I think the whole ethos and teacher training is changing in this regard however, with more transparency between teacher and parent, putting the child and parents at the center of their care.

@Snowsnowglorioussnow that’s very kind to say he may not know how to do it well..... he certainly does. It’s just he doesn’t know why it is worth doing it well. I guess until he gets tested properly in these things and the results have consequences it may never dawn on him..... and by then it’s too late. You’re right about agreeing some of its boring.... we do trudge through the boring bits together to help him get through it.
@SnarkyBag I’m always hopeful things will improve with age!
@Tarararara that sounds like my day everyday.

It is realising that my year 7 boy just doesn’t give a st. The standard of work he produces is awful. He doesn’t always follow all the instructions, can’t be bothered to correct mistakes even though he sees them, doesn’t care about presentation, spelling is terrible .... no effort to do it the best he can.

My year 8 is exactly the same - and I'm a teacher! I know she is completely different at school though and it's because I am her mum that she doesn't want to do it.

I have had many parents upset thinking they are doing something wrong but honestly it is so difficult to homeschool, I honestly don't know how those who choose to homeschool do it!

My advice would be to take a step back and let him do it on his own. He will see how difficult it is and ask for your help - hopefully.

I gave unmotivated to do well dc. i think though that it is made worse by the attitude now that we cannt tell people where they are in a class. That good work isnt rewarded etc. In primary my yr4 dc has never been recognised for good work. Dc2 did a really good drawing not really noticed.
(I may have done dc1 an outstanding piece of work (a level standard) and it wasnt even questioned that dc would be able to produce this and if they can then the work would be well 8 years too easy.

I feel they need the competition to keep motivated so class ranking would help.
Eg on ttr dc isnt that good but at least you and they can see how much better others are.

I’m not really one for emailing teachers, I trust their judgement and have always believed what will be will be. I certainly wouldn’t want to be ‘one of those parents’.

Never be worried about emailing the teachers!
I have had many - I have had one who apologised and said their child's work is shit and they know it but nothing they can do makes them try any harder.

If you want the teacher to have a word with him they will or to just let them know he isn't engaging as much as he should be. They will be able to see from the work though if it's less than what he's capable of - but they definitely won't judge you for it.

I have a year 7 who is similar, although he has extra issues like dyslexia and sometimes I'm not sure he totally understands what he's got to do. He had some extra help at primary, but due to the pandemic he hasn't been able to have any extra support at high school really. He is at the computer for all his lessons but seems to finish the work rather quick and it seems a bit half done or bare minimum and if I try and talk to him about it gets annoyed.

I'm so glad it's half term next week cause I've got a year 2 who isn't engaging that well either.

Yeah I find it frustrating seeing the quality of what they produce and how they don't seem to care but on the other hand I wouldn't want them to be perfectionists either I guess, I try to remind myself to not criticise too much as that's my natural reaction. I have to make myself say to them 'it's the effort that counts' if they get it all wrong even though I've just wasted 2 hours of my morning as I'd rather them not get a complex.
My 12 year old gets a school report and if a subject needs improvement or attention then I might start offering a reward if there's been an improvement on the next report... Seems nagging gets nowhere and a little financial gain is the motivator... But then adults tend to work harder for financial gain too so I guess they will learn that at some point

I only mentioned it because its surprising how many teens really are not sure what's expected of them.

Often showing them a perfect piece helps them understand what to aim for.

If he can do well that's brilliant and I wouldn't worry too too much...

Our year 8 ds is very similar and it is so frustrating. Dh and I both work full time so we don’t see what he submits until the evening and sometimes it’s barely legible. I don’t want to push him too much though as life is so incredibly difficult. We talk a lot about why education is important and I’ve also said that I don’t care about drama and art. I just want him to put some effort in maths, science and English.

Definitely speak to school and best of luck

The worst bit about home learning? That kids end up being seen as a disappointment to their parents for not jumping through the very strange academic hoops at a time that most fun has been taken away from their little lives. We shouldn't be having this relationship with them, it's not really fair.

I've got a year 10 boy who has hit a mental wall this week. Says what's the point in anything ..... it's so hard for them right now. We don't appreciate the impact.

Hugs