Anyone else hit the wall...again?

[PMcGintysGoat]

I have cycles of feeling pretty upbeat/seeing the good things in life, then I hit the wall again. I am so tired of trying to work at the same level of productivity, with a team who all seem to be taking things in their stride and powering on. In the past getting dressed up, being in the office and playing the part of the 'professional' was often enough to see me through challenging times, but stuck at home I can't get out of the rut/break the cycle.

Anyone else feeling worn out again?

I think it's the fact that there is no end date in sight. I worry about my kids (16 & 14) stuck at home when they should be at school, seeing friends and for the 16 yo, going to parties and enjoying life.
A friend sent me a link to a short film produced by a 15 yo girl called 'Numb', I found it very moving and terribly sad:

m.youtube.com/watch?v=iSkbd6hRkXo

Yes had a major moment today and cried thinking I can't do this anymore. Think I'm due one which isn't helping. Just had enough just want to sleep and not wake up.

Yes I have hit the wall again.

I work part time it used to be a nice break. 2 days in an office, tea rounds , it made the calls more bearable ( I take inbound calls high pressure safeguarding nature ). Now I sit there for 12.5 hours at my kitchen table having patients talk to me in my home . If I have a bad call I just have to sit and wait for the next call and do it all again. We can't really ring each other as would be blocking up the lines, we can't message on teams about confidential stuff because it isn't secure .

I feel so down as my days off I'm having a cold wet walk with toddler and then days at work I'm just In the house.

@MintyCedric 💐 thanks and hugs to you too. Being an unpaid carer is sometimes a thankless task, we do it out of loyalty and love, it definitely takes a toll on mental health, we can’t walk out after a 12 hour shift and unwind, it’s 24/7 full on.
Hopefully in the not too distant future you can get out there and make things happen!

I think everyone is suffering, it is interesting the change I have noticed with my two children (aged 12 & 15).

This is not normal any more

We have nothing to talk about as none of us are doing anything

I am annoyed with everything and everyone

I am so angry

Like a precious poster, I am an introvert, I want some time to myself.

The give, give , give is endless

Groundhog day and no time to recover

I agree that most people are finding things very difficult, some days we can keep it inside, other says we can’t and we have to have a rant and probably a cry.
I usually work from home so in that respect things are the same, but it’s just the complete weirdness of the time we are living in. We have no individual freedom anymore and I’m wondering how much longer we can go on living like this.

I've hit the wall in that I absolutely detest WFH. On my 2nd on-boarded from home role. It's so bloody lonely.

I have been surprised that there have not been any marches or uproar

We seem to have 'done as we have been told'

I cannot believe people have not been more angry

Yep, same here. Sick of the government propaganda and lies, the hysteria and living this half life. And all so we can protect an NHS that I didn't help fuck up and save the lives of people I don't know, for a virus with a very low fatality rate.

@oysterbabe I'm going to do the same. It feels relentless right now. I feel like I come off a long and pointless Teams call to the kids squabbling or a noisy YouTube episode of norris nuts and then more meetings and more noise.

I've definitely hit a wall - not cried for ages but had to spend a meeting trying not to.

southeastdweller I hear you

I'm totally with you guys. Felt meh much of the day. I've got 2 days off work which I was looking forward to.. but i'm spending it moping round the house mostly eating, kids nagging me on and off all day for attention, just getting peace to watch something on TV seems difficult.

I'm totally with the poster who wishes for time alone. I feel drained and run down with the grind of work, home schooling on my days off and cold weather..so after a 20 minute walk I just want home again. Its that time of year when people get through it by having something to look forward to, only this year just when you get a glimmer of hope it feels like it's going to get taken away.

Yes and my unusually unbreakable dp said he was ready to jump off a cliff today. It's just an endless cycle of shit. Is thankful I don't have young kids right now, I know many have it worse than we do. Hang in there everyone

Yep. My 5yo is struggling. My 4 month old is hard work. Dh is holding everything together. I'm falling apart.

*I have been surprised that there have not been any marches or uproar

We seem to have 'done as we have been told'*

@chickadeeeeeeeee I was ready to march. I was furious a few months ago. I remember writing that on here and being flamed for it.

Since then - I've gone numb too. My brain is numb like a zombie. The only way to survive this is to be zen - that's fine. But this numb, zombie thing is not so fine.

The government could get away with anything now. They have us in the the palm of their greasy slimy hand.

I had a full on breakdown the first lockdown. First ever mental health episode in my life and it was scary and took months to recover from.

This time, I'm having a fucking ball! I don't know if its the drugs I'm still on or just that I've accepted my new daily routines and have no expectations about how things should be. I also have a new job that I'm loving which helps compared to losing my job last May. But shit, I'm enjoying planning my life around food and movies with the kids. And am totally confident that this will be a distant memory very soon considering how fast each year flies by.

I have major sympathy for anyone feeling low. Or suffering like I did last Spring/Summer. Wish I could take it away.

I exist.
The DCs exist.
DH exists upstairs and gets to do important worky things and just has 2 days at the weekend for worrying about existing.

I've been mostly numb since November when the anger mostly burned out.

I ran some races in the autumn, but there was no excitement of anticipation. Social distancing while making them safe, killed the atmosphere. It was just flat.

I want to feel emotions again. I have a big birthday in the near future... meh.

Yes. Pregnant, dealing with a bereavement in the family, and just enough work to stress me out and not enough to distract me. Too much rain to get out for decent walks. Now it's gorgeous and sunny again and I fucking hate going on walks anyway! Completely fed up with it.

I think things are really reaching a peak for a lot of people now and a lot of us are struggling. I know I am.

My DM sounded so low over the weekend that we went shopping together today - same supermarket, separate trollies. It's the first time we've been together since mid December.

She's had her first jab as she's NHS. I'm late thirties but should be vaccinated fairly soon due to being asthmatic.

I think the conjecture over the weekend re the SA variant and the stuff about big events/festivals/weddings etc not being on the cards for years potentially hasn't helped.

I'm questioning whether I'd feel better being signed off work and bored/relaxed every day or if I can really carry on being completely stressed and overwhelmed every working second.

I'm really finding work hard and they don't seem to understand that this isn't "normal" for anyone, and that we've been working 120mph for a year now battling constant crises and that we're actually human beings and not robots working through a pandemic

dustyboots i have posted a couple of times, especially around schools, and like you, I was flamed too!

I am taking a day at a time however my kids are struggling emotionally and they have been resilient throughout.

My dd is in her GCSE year and does not know what she is supposed to be doing. I can tell her to keep plodding on but even that seems lame now

I am not in the vulnerable groups so can look forward to no vaccine and having to run the gauntlet over the coming months. Despite being told anyone can die of it

I cannot believe how there have been so few critical voices

I am happy to support the NHS staff as it has been awful for them but the government has not helped and working people with families have largely been ignored

I am watching retired neighbours on their daily walks, awaiting their vaccine, preparing to travel

Meanwhile

All four of us and plodding on at home, rarely getting out during daylight hours due to our work loads

Don't get me started on the sports coverage tennis in Melbourne, cricket in India, football

I feel like i'm on my knees right now. I'm still working full time and trying to make sure my business stays afloat. I'm a 'new' freelancer - started April 2019, so not eligible for any financial support whatsoever.

I also have a 5 yo only child who is increasingly suffering from the lockdown. She's so isolated not seeing anyone her own age. She doesn't want to do any school work - some of it is laziness, others she simply doesn't understand and there's no way of explaining to her in a way that she does understand. As a result I feel like all that is happening is I'm 100% stressed out, we end up in shouting matches all day long, and I just cant take it anymore.

School has been fucking useless. We have no element of teaching whatsoever, all we get is some worksheets downloaded from Twinkl. We were told to upload things to our app to be marked, and that if we didn't upload anything for 3 days, we would get a call. Well that swiftly changed - since then, we've also been told "only upload things your child is proud of" followed by "we have a lot of keyworker kids that could affect our online provision". I haven't uploaded anything in over a week and the school haven't even noticed.

So fuck home schooling.

@littlestpogo 💐 that’s exactly how I feel, I don’t know if I’ve got the energy to bother making an effort to socialise and attempt to find a decent man amongst the current dirtbags out there. It’s a shame because both you and I probably have a lot to give to the right person.

Sympathies - and empathy with - all those who have hit a wall. I’m at a different life stage now but shudder to think about trying to work with small children at the moment. It’s not much fun with older teens either - missing their friends and worrying about grades, university somewhere they have never been able to visit and whether there will be any jobs. However..... I don’t ‘get’ the hatred of the government - isn’t it just displaced anger? The reason for all this is the pandemic, not government action. Sure, with the benefit of hindsight, they have made mistakes, but it has been very difficult for anyone to be certain what would be best. We’re all in unchartered territory here. They couldn’t predict what would happen anymore than anyone else and working 14- 18 hour days as a Westminster or Holyrood politician (and they really are) knowing whatever you do could cost lives and that you will inevitably be blamed whatever you do while you too risk Covid, can’t see family, go on holiday etc etc - not a great life to my mind.
Going forward, I will be very surprised if sweeping restrictions remain much beyond the summer if that because public compliance can’t be maintained and the economy won’t stand it. It will be awful to be in government in these circumstances. Regardless of vaccine efficacy we only have a few more months of restrictions at this level. After that vaccines will either control it, or they won’t and it will run rampant. The NHS may be overwhelmed but I think that will be balanced against the cost of further restrictions. There are no ideal solutions. People will suffer whatever they/ we do; it’s a case of trying to choose the least bad of different alternatives.