This week I have hit a mental wall. I’ve been the one all the way through with the cheery smile and positive attitude and I think it’s doing me more harm than good! I live too far from mine and my husbands family’s to “drive by” or “window visit” so I just keep saying I’ll see them soon, but this morning I realised it’s 5 months since I’ve seen my parents and 7 months since I’ve seen my siblings and extended family. They haven’t met my baby. I know he won’t remember but I will. I just feel an overwhelming frustration with the monotony of the situation we’re in and just very sad. We’re all in different parts of the UK following different rules so that makes it even more complicated when the restrictions eventually start to ease as they’re never the same. I’ve bubbled with a neighbour friend whose family live abroad so she’s also lonely but it’s just not quite the same.
The thing that hit me this morning is that I’m quite privileged, so there’s so many worse off than me. We have stayed well, kept the same income, my older kids (YR 1&2) are close in age and play together most of the time, they really are trying with their school work and seem pretty upbeat overall and still I’ve had a guts full! I see the politicians on the news and think that some of them live on a different planet to the rest of us! Going about their normal jobs telling everyone else to stay at home, I’m so sick of my home! And I feel so much for people waiting for treatments, or who live with abuse, or whose children are vulnerable, or people stuck indoors with disabilities and although it’s not quite been the maternity leave I had planned I feel so guilty for complaining to anyone out loud so I carry on being cheerful for the kids and walking the same route around the block and trying to convince them and myself that it won’t be much longer. I’m so fed up! There’s no point to this really, I just really miss my mum today ☹️