Has anyone had a complete meltdown and "forced" their partner to take time off work to help with home school etc?

[MNnicknameforCVthreads]

I am so close to doing this. Not coping well.

I know everyone's struggling so apologies for the wallowing.

Well it wasn't a meltdown, but yes. We were both working FT, me from home, him not (but family business so some flexibility, although still huge pressure). And I said our marriage wouldn't last much longer if he didn't take his share of the responsibility. He just didn't get it. Now he does and to be fair this time around it's been pretty well balanced.

He isn't an idiot usually, he just hadn't thought. I spelt it out to him, he was contrite.

I did during the first lockdown. Had a 3 year old and a 10 month old baby, was on mat leave and had just started to think about starting to have a bit more freedom from EBF cling on DS2 and going back to work when lockdown hit.

DH works full time but I had a bit of a breakdown and he then took every Wednesday off so it broke the week up and I got some time off. Made a big difference.

I feel like if you are at the point of forcing ..... That you need to cut yourselves some slack.
I'm sure on MN there will be a whole raft of people along to say well if you need to "force" your DP then they're no good. So in anticipation of that, ignore them

Your relationship will be under strain, your home life etc - I feel it too although I go out to work and so my husband has no choice but to struggle through with home schooling and work

I think though if you're at this point the answer is not forcing anyone to take time off and doing stuff but to genuinely just give yourself a break.

I don't know how old your DC are but you can just stop for a bit. If you're struggling this much there is no point. (I'm a teacher, although sen so I don't know much about mainstream homeschooling other than what I do at home with DD1) .... Your DC aren't going to miss out if they don't do a week of school. And then it's half term. So you could have a bit of a break from.it then

I just feel rather than forcing or panicking or worrying ... Would it be worth just having a break from the things your struggling with and just have some down time?

Thanks for the replies.

@RosesAndLemonade that's measured and kind advice, thank you. I wrote my post in a fit of despair.

My issue is that the children don't want to take a break from home school, but they want my input or help with technology issues. The latter drives me mad.

The only thing I can really do is hide in my room or something, and then I just feel guilty - at not being available to them and also them witnessing me struggling.

But yes, I will try to cut myself some slack and it's probably better I am just honest with the DC and say I need a break so am not available for half hour or whatever. They aren't small so should understand this.

It’s so hard op, feel for you,
My 9 year old is being a nightmare,
10 year old is great mostly. 15 year old well best not say. I’m knackered. Also working long shifts then back to hell that is homeschool. I’m a single parent so I just hide in the kitchen if it gets a bit much.
Ex is police so can’t get anyone to help.

Anyway I hope you feel better soon, it’s horrible this I feel they shouldn’t be at school they need to be and I hope they can go back soon but honestly fed up.
Off to find a creme egg!!

Can you have set work slots where you focus and work together and are available with them and then set break times?

How old are the kids are are you also working from home?

How old are they?

What kind of help do they need op and why are you struggling with it? Have you told DP?

I’d ask if juggling work and home study, I’d not want them to use leave if I wasn’t doing both.

Thanks all. I think it’s just been a hard week. I’ll take some time myself over the weekend and have a word with myself - and maybe the DC - about how to improve things for next week.

As mentioned I probably started the thread in a moment of despair and have calmed down a bit now. The whole situation is still crap though - for so many of us.

In the first lockdown I reached a point in time that I could not do another day due to being completely burnt out and exhausted. I could see it coming, so I had already flagged to dh that he needed to be ready to take time off, as I could feel it coming (less patience, snappy, tired and irritable)
He took a few days off, and took over to give me a break, he then understand far more keenly how hard it actually is, and after that he was far far more helpful! I think it is a good thing. He cooked every night after that, made me sit down early and took great efforts to care for me as well as the children.

Don't wait until you are at your wits end, take the time you need now and recharge. We haven't got too much longer op. We are through the worst now

Could you let kids have half day off in week, eg Wednesday morning especially if you have those pre recorded lessons. Then catch it back over weekend.

@MNnicknameforCVthreads

Thanks for the replies.

@RosesAndLemonade that's measured and kind advice, thank you. I wrote my post in a fit of despair.

My issue is that the children don't want to take a break from home school, but they want my input or help with technology issues. The latter drives me mad.

The only thing I can really do is hide in my room or something, and then I just feel guilty - at not being available to them and also them witnessing me struggling.

But yes, I will try to cut myself some slack and it's probably better I am just honest with the DC and say I need a break so am not available for half hour or whatever. They aren't small so should understand this.

That's great that your DC want to work!

You don't need to hide though, or feel guilty for not wanting to be there the whole time. Honestly I've explained this to my 5 year old even - sometimes mummy can't do all the work all of the time and sometimes it's ok that we don't. So hopefully if your kids have clearly a good work ethic they will also be able to understand what you're going through even if just a little

But if your children want to work then perhaps is there a way that school (or you, or they?) Could come up with something a bit easier for you or less tech? Could you have a talk to their teachers and come up with a research project or something that they could do more independently?

I think really though my advice is cut yourselves some slack, whatever form that takes for you. It is absolutely ok not to be able to everything your kids want you to because this isn't a normal situation. It's fine, and no guilt. You sound like you're doing amazing - but if you can't cope it isn't weakness, not at all.

I'd ask him to take a day off mid week at some point for you to have a day off, my partner did a few late starts and odd half days to just help me out when I was feeling stressed and overwhelmed by it all. It helped me bounce back quicker so I'd take any self care time you can get