Will this ever end? Dark thoughts today

[Lissy23]

I’ve just read an article stating that this South African variant may be able to be caught again, by people who have already had and recovered from the virus...so where does that leave us if true? And that it also may evade vaccination.

I was feeling more optimistic the last few days with the excellent and efficient vaccine roll out and the infections coming down...however I’m now having some very dark thoughts, my DP and I are in a long distance relationship, I haven’t seen him since December due to our individual living and work situations meaning we cannot form a bubble. I’m missing him desperately and we were going to see each other end of March (he has provisionally booked an air b&b to stay in near to where I live) I have no idea if that’ll go ahead now, if lockdown is still in place and travel restrictions still an issue. I also haven’t seen my parents in 7 months and counting, due to the distance between us (200 miles) and the fact my parents are frightened of catching it, despite not having any co-morbidities or anything, but convinced they’ll end up on a ventilator if they catch it.

I have a 2 year old and it’s very difficult being stuck in the majority of the day with him. I miss playgroups.

I’m starting to feel like there’s no point in going on...there will be new variants coming up all the time surely? How will we ever get out of this mess? Lockdown will never end and there will always need to be a trade off between schools returning and other things opening.
I just really miss going to the cinema on a whim, popping into a cafe to escape the rain to read my book and have a coffee & piece of cake...playgroups, soft play, seeing people in person opposed to on a screen

Don’t know how to go on much longer...if it wasn’t for my DS.

I'm with you, I cried over the phone yesterday to a colleague, cried!!!

It was to do with something unrelated but then the flood barriers erupted. I'm utterly sick of this life we are all living in hope of a miracle.

I feel the same. I have really hurt my neck. My DM dropped some painkillers off and I really just wanted to invite her in and give her a hug. I hate this, so fed up now.

Oh and I’m so sick of people saying to me “Think how fortunate you are, think of the positives” and my favourite “Imagine living through a world war, then you’d have something to complain about”

I was optimistic , but then they come on saying about the new variant ( which were spoken about a week before Christmas) and anyone in those postcodes they mentioned must be a bit worried.
It'll obviously spread about as people need to work and many places are still open or trading. They can knock on doors but many won't open them or will be out. It's another impossible situation really.
The vaccine news is good though , so have to hang on to that I guess.
It must be so hard with little children and it's so limited as to where you can go with them.
I do feel for parents. It is soul destroying.

This is real and it's justified, no point judging your own life alongside something you can't possibly compare it to as you didn't live it. I'm trying to think of small things to make it better but I'm running out of ideas, my kids are insanely bored and I'm watching them slowly become digital addicts, it's awful.

Thanks for replies so far.

I feel like I’m wishing my life away, not enjoying the here and now. Life is short, I feel I’m missing out on precious time with my parents as they’re getting older and they are missing precious time with their grandson as he develops. It’s so sad.

They are not saying it’s more dangerous just that it spreads more easily. As Chris Whitty said for the majority this will be a harmless illness. Not for all but the world cannot stay shut for ever and vaccines will work or tough choices will be made. The press live off fear, when you are down it’s sometimes good to step away for a while

I get what you mean, every time we seem to be turning a corner and there’s light at the end of the tunnel we get thrown another curveball. This time the SA variant. I keep telling myself it won’t last forever, but at the moment it sure feels like it!

I can't see any signs of the South Africans suffering any worse than us because of it so I wouldn't worry.

I have also had dark thoughts. The longer it continues the less it seems worth hanging on

I feel exactly the same as you today OP. I think it's down to the fact I had started to feel more positive too.

My children are 9 and 6 and I just feel so sorry for them. They haven't seen their grandparents since October thanks to the tier system. Even then it was for a day which involved an 8hr journey.

If I could bring a piece of cake to your house I would. This is all so utterly shit.

I just want to add an advance 'fuck off' to anyone who comes on here to tell you your feelings aren't valid / you should be grateful / get used to it etc. Your feelings are completely valid and what are you being asked to do is so hard. I take my hat off to anyone living through this with a toddler.

I find focusing on one day at a time doable and helpful.

I've just eaten a massive piece of cake, still feel like rubbish, even cake not helping atm

Spill your thoughts here, everyone needs an outlet x

@Blondiney

I find focusing on one day at a time doable and helpful.

This is such good advice. I was able to feel more positive when I only thought a few days ahead. Today I've been 'what if'ing' and thinking further than a few days ahead and I know that's impacted my mood.

I've just read the same article and have had a similar reaction. I despair at how we'll ever get back to any kind of normalcy. My DD will be starting primary school in September. I hope she gets a normalish start to school life.

This is a really bad time of the year for feeling low so don’t beat yourselves up. The weather, short days, nothing much to do. Try not to look too far ahead. Just get through today. It will end one day.

Urgh, yes I read it too. I am usually an annoyingly optimistic person but this has really dragged me down today. My teens are shells of their former selves, they really need to get back to normal but it's looking more and more distant.
Struggling to find any postives after reading that.

I feel the same OP. I'd been trying to focus on the positives in my life but one year on and with no end in sight I'm really struggling. If the virus is going to keep mutating and possibly evading the vaccines how are we ever going to get on top of it? Yes they say the vaccines can be tweaked but it takes months to produce them and by the time you've got a new vaccine there will be other mutations to worry about and produce new vaccines for and on and on...2020 was going to be my last chance of meeting a partner and hopefully having children. I'm not comfortable with dating at the moment and am trying to reconcile myself to the fact that it won't happen for me now.

The whole thing is ludicrous now. These are our lives, they don’t belong to the government or the NHS.

I feel the same. I have a 2 month old and a toddler. I really wanted to savour the time with my baby as he’s probably my last, instead I’m just wishing it away.
My poor toddler is constantly being snapped at by me. I spend far more time crying than I should.

I feel as if I am clinging onto the vaccine rollout like a liferaft and whenever any news come out about the variants possibly compromising it, I just can't cope. There are millions and millions of people around the world with this disease right now, and of course it will keep mutating, and where the fuck does this all end? It feels like an endlessly receding horizon. I just can't.

I just don’t understand why we can’t close all our borders for one month, nobody in and nobody out. Even today there’s flights landing from many parts of Africa. Every time they give us hope the next headline snatches it away.

It’s awful feeling trapped at home, the weather is grim and we can’t even book a holiday to cheer ourselves up. 🥺

It will end.

There’s a vaccine and vaccines can altered for mutations. The timescale for social distancing is hard to predict, but even some restrictions in summer will be an improvement when there is nice weather for things such as socially distanced picnics etc. In time, we won’t have social distancing at all due to most of the population being vaccinated. Lockdown is very hard and depressing over winter.

I am just totally fed up, it is a constant battle to manage what feels like everything. Trying to adjust to life without my Father who I lost 6 months ago. I am so tired, my homeschooling efforts are dwindling and I just really want to be able to do some of my own work and earn some money. I miss my mum, I can’t see her as she is extremely vulnerable. Life is just monotonous at the moment and reading the news just makes it worse.

The daily mail run with the headline today about schools opening up fully , then there is news on new variants .. it does feel we are going round in circles as this is what it was like in early December and the experts all say different things too.