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Original poster

Upsetting our neighbour - building work

26 replies

ZoolInMyFridge · 31/01/2021 15:37

We moved about 3 years ago - to a semi-detached bungalow. It was advertised as needing modernisation and about 30% of the bungalows along our road have had a loft conversion. Our semi detached neighbours have extended backwards. We have plans now to convert the loft space. It’s a two bed bungalow - and we planned to do the work a year ago. However our neighbours asked us to change our approved plans (which we did) - and with Covid we decided to delay. We have 2 children, and our one year old is still sleeping in our room as we have no other space for him, and my daughters small room is doubling as DP’s office. Very sadly, one of our neighbours passed away, and I have been regularly telephoning to check she is ok, offering shopping help and DP has done some odd Covid safe jobs for her. She is extremely nervous, and I know our proposed building work will terrify her. She told me this week that her window cleaner had scraped her car (I could see any marks), and was also distressed by pigeons on her fence (I’d put a bird feeder up in our garden quite far away from the fence). I don’t know what to do! Our bungalow is tatty, if we moved out the next owner would renovate (it needs it!!). I don’t want to distress our neighbour, but we are still living out of boxes. My current thoughts are to delay any building work until 2022. Any thoughts would be appreciated! Thank you!

OP posts:
NailsNeedDoing · 31/01/2021 15:41

Get the work done and continue to be a caring neighbour. You can’t put off having work done indefinitely because of someone else’s unreasonable anxieties.

Brieminewine · 31/01/2021 15:42

You sound really kind and considerate but have to put the needs of your family first.

muddledmidget · 31/01/2021 15:45

I think it's very kind of you to think about delaying your building work, but I'm not sure the situation with your neighbour will improve to the point of them being happy for you to do the building work at any point in the near future. I would choose your builder, plan the build (how long it will take, when the really noisy bits will be, how they will affect your neighbour - noise, extra vehicles on particular days, party wall agreement) and present them with the full plans so they know exactly what will be happening. It will be noisy and unpleasant to live next to, but that's the nature of building work, but using a specialist company can reduce the amount of time and disruption caused (our own loft conversion with veluxes, no dormers, took 3 weeks to get to fully plastered and bathroom fitted, after that it was just final carpentry to finish off

thecatneuterer · 31/01/2021 15:47

Just crack on. Be as nice to her as possible but don't let her stand in your way. Having building work done is a perfectly reasonable thing and is something you have to expect and tolerate from neighbours.

3littlewords · 31/01/2021 15:48

I would go ahead with your plans but inform your neighbour in good time of what you will be having done and when. Builders in your house shouldn't have any affect on her covid wise. If she doesn't want you to continue to get her shopping any more because of it you have time to try and sort something else out for her, local councils may have initiatives set up to help the vulnerable with these sorts of things

Original poster
ZoolInMyFridge · 31/01/2021 15:53

Thank you all! And @muddledmidget - that’s great to hear your experience. I don’t think there will be any good time, but her DH passed away at Xmas. It’s all very raw for her. We do need a party wall agreement - and they had already appointed a surveyor. I think having the surveyor to mediate will be good, as she doesn’t always seem rational.

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 31/01/2021 15:55

Just crack on and stop pandering , tell her what’s happening and when , keep things friendly but carry on with your plans .

AuntyClementine · 31/01/2021 15:57

I’d just carry on with the work and continue to be friendly and helpful. You can’t put your lives on hold.

Original poster
ZoolInMyFridge · 31/01/2021 15:58

@Floralnomad she has no family, she lost her only son when he was in his twenties. I actually feel like we are her closest support. The loss of her husband was sudden and unexpected. She is really, really low.

OP posts:
Original poster
ZoolInMyFridge · 31/01/2021 16:00

But - yes, I think DP thinks I am pandering too much...

OP posts:
SimplyRadishing · 31/01/2021 16:01

@NailsNeedDoing

Get the work done and continue to be a caring neighbour. You can’t put off having work done indefinitely because of someone else’s unreasonable anxieties.
This in spades.

Crack on.

Chloemol · 31/01/2021 16:02

Do the work, just set expectations with your neighbour and keep checking in on her

Floralnomad · 31/01/2021 16:04

@ZoolInMyFridge , the thing is there may never be a time that is good for her for you to do your work . Just carry on being a good neighbour .

Original poster
ZoolInMyFridge · 31/01/2021 16:06

Thank you!! I thought you’d all say that we shouldn’t do the work! The fact they’ve extended in the past gives me some leverage as well I think.

OP posts:
lockeddownandcrazy · 31/01/2021 16:15

Do it, keep supporting her, just present it as something that is happening with no option, jolly her along

Bluntness100 · 31/01/2021 16:18

Op I agree, just do this, it’s ridiculous to suggest you delay it. Just tell her what’s happening and when.

Boboparadise · 31/01/2021 16:20

@Brieminewine

You sound really kind and considerate but have to put the needs of your family first.
Exactly this
SirVixofVixHall · 31/01/2021 16:21

How sad for your neighbour. How old is she ? She must be very lonely and anxious, and lockdown must be extremely hard for her. I would wait a few months and then as pp said, keep her informed as it goes along.

Wenolikeexplodeythings · 31/01/2021 16:21

Just get the work done. If this neighbour is suffering so much from anxiety that she is scared of pigeons on the fence, then there is literally no way for you live there without making her feel scared. You'll blow your nose in the garden and she'll probably tell you how nervous it made her. You cant live like that, walking on eggshells because of one neighbour. Put yours kids quality of life first in this situation and sort your house out.

supersop60 · 31/01/2021 16:21

@NailsNeedDoing

Get the work done and continue to be a caring neighbour. You can’t put off having work done indefinitely because of someone else’s unreasonable anxieties.
Another vote for this.
tenlittlecygnets · 31/01/2021 16:24

She won't be any better in a years time, will she? I'd crack on and get it done.

ScrapThatThen · 31/01/2021 16:25

Give her factual information and if she tries to deter you, say firmly we will have to agree to disagree because we need the extra space and whoever lives here will renovate it. I can give you updates on what is happening when, but I can't delay. If she needs extra support suggest her GP or social care services. Don't be blackmailed by her distress!

Cattitudes · 31/01/2021 16:28

Are you in a position to bubble with her? I was wondering whether hiring a holiday let might be possible for your family and her for the worst of the work. With two young children you might want to move out anyway for some of it. It would be going far above and beyond what you need to do, but if you are feeling that guilty it might be an option to consider.

Nomorepies · 31/01/2021 16:31

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request

jessycake · 31/01/2021 16:43

I would get the work done in the spring/summer when the days are lighter and longer and accept she may become a bit distressed . Its a difficult thing , but you can't put everything on hold forever and you can keep her informed and see if there is any other support available to her .