Has anyone got a bit agoraphobic over all this

[Dreamerbeame]

Just that really. I was very mentally unwell for a number of years when I was younger but had been much better since for a long time. In general I think I've fared better than expected (mentally) with covid. However, I feel extremely stressed when going outside the house now and it is really worrying me as I don't want to go back to the place I was before. It would kill me. None of us (me, dh and ds) are even high risk and but yet I am terrified. I don't go into shops unless I can't avoid it and on the odd occasion I do go in I worry for days afterwards that I've caught it. I freak out if people pass too close to me when outside. I feel that because dh and I have been able to wfh throughout this whole thing and ds hasn't been in childcare (he doesn't go in normal times - I only do some freelance work in the evenings so am a sahm for the most part) that my world is getting smaller and smaller and it seems more normal to me now to just be indoors all the time (we have no garden). People I know who are out at work seem a lot more desensitised to it and less stressed.

I worry so much that I will go back to the broken person I was before. I don't want to be her ever again. It's why I haven't ever done things like wipe my shopping down, its too triggering.

I know what you mean, I used to be severely agoraphobic, and am worried about having to get on the bus to go to work again (I’ve been wfh since March). I’m not personally worried about catching covid, it’s more that the way I kept my agoraphobia in check was by making sure I left the house and went to work every day to stop the panic creeping back in. I make sure to leave the house everyday even if just for a quick walk, which I think is helping.

How are you at leaving at the house for a walk? Can you start by making sure you do that regularly? Going at quieter times like early morning might help, then building up to going to shops at quieter times? I think it’s important to keep leaving the house, to stop the agoraphobia becoming worse.

I'm struggling with walks because ds just hates them and it's a massive battle to get him out the house. He's a very gentle, low energy child - I see others saying their kids bounce off the walls if they don't get outdoors and he isn't like that. So I have have be prepared for a real battle to get him out which makes it that much harder. We do go out pretty much every day regardless but I'm always glad when we're back. And it's never for longer than maybe 45 minutes at most, we're in London so our options for quiet walks are very limited.

A lot of people are coping by visualising this as a temporary state. Maybe that would help? Accept that staying in is safer now but you will return to normal when the world does?

It was OK doing that last march but its been nearly a year now and it isnt working any more

The problem is that for the first time in my life my anxiety is being validated by others and I'm surrounded by people (online) doing things like wash their shopping which I was once laughed at for doing. My recovery was so much about realising the world wouldn't end if I wasn't able to immediately wash my hands when getting somewhere new and now it's been a year of being told the opposite

It makes me feel like my mental illness was right about everything and what was the point in trying to fight it

I've thought from the start of this that there will be many of us that will feel this way after being encouraged to "stay home" so relentlessly for such a long, long time. I think the best way will be to gradually venture out on small trips once we're allowed, then build it up. Try not to stress too much about it OP, that will just make it worse. Remember you won't be alone in your anxieties this time.

It almost makes me feel worse that I'm not alone as it kind of makes me feel like I was right to be worried all along iyswim

I’m getting to this place too. Am thinking of asking my gp for anxiety meds. Just enough to numb the nerves so I can leave the house without having a panic attack. Am hoping it will ease the path to one day being able to leave home more normally.

I feel like this too and I have become a shadow of my former self. This time last year I was working in a professional healthcare role, was sociable and independent. I've lost all of that. Covid hasn't been entirely to blame but has reinforced that my workplace is not a safe one.

I now feel fearful venturing beyond my front door. My ability to be rational and critically thinking about the risk to me and my family has become completely overwhelmed by a sense that everyone is now a risk to me, from the bin men to passing strangers in the street. I spend too much time overthinking my actions and those I share my home with.

It seems absurd when I write this down.