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Original poster

Parental advice needed- TW mental health

27 replies

catscratch22 · 29/01/2021 15:22

Hi everyone

I hope you're all keeping well and I'm really sorry to hijack a site meant for parents when I'm really not one but I was hoping you could give me advice on what you would do if your child was in this situation.

I'm 21 and in my final year at uni. Without going into too much detail I've had a history of mental health problems since I was about 14. I had been managing them quite well but in the last month or so I've deteriorated massively and am having quite intense suicidal thoughts. I have been to a and e on one particularly bad night too.

I live away from my parents at uni and have been here since February last year. Unfortunately I'm at a point where I don't think I can keep myself safe here anymore and I'd really like to go home to my parents. They're very covid cautious however, and I don't want to put them in a difficult situation by asking to come home. They're both 55

I guess what I'm asking is what you would do in this situation? Even if you were very anxious about covid (and understandably so!) would you prefer your child not to come home? I don't want to force them to make a difficult decision. Obviously if I did come home I would stay there until lockdown is lifted, and not go back and forth from uni

Any advice would be much appreciated, please delete if not appropriate Smile

OP posts:
GoldenOmber · 29/01/2021 16:00

I can’t speak for your parents, but if you were my child I’d absolutely want you home.

I hope you’re in a better place soon. Flowers

TheChip · 29/01/2021 16:03

I would also want you to come home if you were my child. I hope you go home and get the support you need and deserve

DownWhichOfLate · 29/01/2021 16:04

Go home. Please please please go home.

RosesAndLemonade · 29/01/2021 16:04

I can't speak for your parents but if this were either of my daughters I would have then home without a second thought - bugger the risk

RosesAndLemonade · 29/01/2021 16:07

With some practical suggestions to go with everyone who I am very sure is going to say the same as me, to go home,
Does your uni offer any routine testing ? You could get a test before going home.
If you felt that home was safer in general you could always have a period of isolation in your room as soon as you arrived, however I'm cautiously saying that as If for your mental health you need to be physically with your parents then I would not wish you to isolate.

Go home though, please go home. For your parents at 55, the risk is theoretical at this point, from what you're saying of your situation the risk to you in not going home is definite and immediate - you MUST go

MistressoftheDarkSide · 29/01/2021 16:07

Echoing previous posters.....and very best wishes x

AlexaShutUp · 29/01/2021 16:11

OP, I'm very anxious about COVID. Both DH and I are in the clinically vulnerable category. We have been very careful and risk-averse throughout.

However, if my dc was in your situation and struggling to keep herself safe, I wouldn't hesitate to have her back home straight away. It's an absolute no-brainer for me. Please tell your parents how you are feeling, they will want to know.

Teenageromance · 29/01/2021 16:11

Do you mean you haven’t been home since last February?

Original poster
catscratch22 · 29/01/2021 16:32

Thank you everyone, my friends have been saying this to me too, I just felt that my parents have done so much for me that I didn't want to burden them and I never want others to be made sad by my sadness. But yes you're all right and I think it's best I tell them.

Thank you so so much, seriously, it's definitely given me the courage to talk to them.

(Yes I have been here since last feb, they didn't want anyone back in summer so I stayed at uni so as not to worry them. My uni isn't doing the testing anymore, but I'll keep an eye out)

Thank you so much again, I really appreciate it. I hope everyone is doing ok and surviving xx

OP posts:
AlexaShutUp · 29/01/2021 16:35

OP, you sound really considerate towards your parents, but I'm sure they will want to help you. I would be devastated if dd didn't tell us when she was really struggling. So glad you're going to talk to them.

Take care.Flowers

RosesAndLemonade · 29/01/2021 16:35

You are not a burden to your parents.
I know that at your age I can see why you might think that, but from the day that we have our kids, they're our little ones forever. It would break my heart to know my kids couldn't come to me feeling the way you do.
Go home lovely. Feel better

Itsnotlikethiswithotherpeople · 29/01/2021 16:41

Oh lovely. I would want you home. If they are very vulnerable, in your shoes I’d probably be a bit cheeky and declare I had had a temperature, book a test, then travel after I had got a negative.

Henrynextdoor · 29/01/2021 16:49

You sound lovely and so considerate, please go home if you can.
And don't worry about not being a parent to post on mumsnet! It's open to everyone, there's a MH section or Chat which may be useful to you, reach out whenever you need help or just want to talk!
All the best.

MrsDeClarmont · 29/01/2021 17:10

I’m in the clinically extremely vulnerable group ( and a similar age to your parents) and without a second thought I’d want my child home with me. As previous posters have said, you could maybe get a test or isolate at home, if that’s possible - I know it’s not always practical.

My son is 16, so a lot younger, but if he was in your position I’d definitely prefer he give me a call and come home. My DS suffers from anxiety and has been having counselling sessions through his school, they are carried out virtually whilst he’s not in. They’ve really helped him as he is in y11 and there is so much uncertainty with GCSE’s at the moment. Does your Uni offer any support? A lot of counselling is being done virtually currently so you may be able to access it whilst you’re at home.

You sound so considerate and lovely but I’m sure your parents would prefer you to be with them. Good luck, I hope you sort everything out.

SollaSollew · 29/01/2021 17:32

Hi @catscratch22

As a mum to a son just a little younger than you who has suffered with mental health problems on and off (more on than off tbh) for the last 6 years I can absolutely reassure you that if they had any idea that you were having suicidal thoughts or that those thoughts had taken you to A&E they would understand how seriously unwell you are and want to take care of you at home.

Feeling like a burden is quite a common negative thought when you're depressed but I guarantee that is not how they see you no matter how careful they're being about Covid.

Please phone them and tell them what you've told us.

badlydrawnbear · 29/01/2021 19:00

I would absolutely want you to come home. However worried your parents might be about covid, I am sure they would be much more worried about the risk of you not being able to keep yourself safe away from home. Do they have any idea how hard you are finding things at the moment? Are you able to tell them? My children are only in primary school, but I was once a depressed student at uni considering suicide (I didn't tell ever tell my parents this, but I really hope you can). I don't know what Student Support Services are available at universities these days, but are they able to support you at all? Take care of yourself.

Calmandmeasured1 · 29/01/2021 19:15

Make sure you let your parents know you are worried that you can't keep yourself safe.

A neighbour's 20-year old daughter committed suicide recently. She decided she didn't want to continue with her university course and was afraid to tell her parents because her sister was seen as very successful academically. She felt she would be letting them down. Her parents are lovely people who are devastated by the loss of their daughter. They would much rather their daughter had reached out to them. Please reach out to your parents, go home and let them help you.

EggyBread4me · 29/01/2021 19:43

100% go home. I would most definitely want my kids to come to me, and I also know if I phoned my mum right now and said I needed to see them I would be completely welcome. Covid isn't everything. Take care of yourself.

Katya213 · 29/01/2021 21:10

Go home to your parents and I hope you feel better soon.xx

Anothermother3 · 29/01/2021 21:42

OP it’s such a hard time for you and if you were my child I’d want you home ASAP. Can you get any support for the thoughts you are having? Please remember that the thoughts will pass but actions can’t be undone. Keep safe. You have got better before and things can get better again even if it doesn’t feel like it. Go home.

Original poster
catscratch22 · 29/01/2021 23:30

Thank you so much everyone, your lovely words have really really helped and I cannot express how much they're made me feel better knowing that nice people exist and that I don't always have to believe how I'm feeling. Thank you thank you thank you

I rang my mum and will be going home on Monday. I'm very relieved (and I think my poor flatmates are too!) Thank you so much for giving me the push to get in contact.

I've been in and out of therapy and on medications since I was about 18- It's a long slog but hopefully one day this won't be me anymore. I sort of don't remember what I was like before but going home and accepting help will hopefully get me closer to what I should be and to seeing the world as a nicer place.

Thank you all again, you might just have saved me. Sending love to everyone xx

OP posts:
Original poster
catscratch22 · 29/01/2021 23:36

Oh also @badlydrawnbear hearing that you now have children has helped so much. It's nice to think that there is a life out there one day! I'm sorry you felt so terrible, but thank you so much again x

OP posts:
Lampan · 29/01/2021 23:55

Glad you are going home OP. Might it be possible for you to get a private Covid test just to put everyone’s minds at rest? Some branches of Boots do them and the results are back within 24hrs generally. It might be possible to keep away from other people in the house for that time? I know it’s not failsafe and only means you don’t have Covid at the moment the test is done but I had one a few weeks ago for personal reasons and it was very reassuring.

Teenageromance · 30/01/2021 00:14

I’m glad you are going home - but you haven’t been home in nearly 12 months? Were you on your own for Christmas? This seems v strange behaviour by your parents

Original poster
catscratch22 · 30/01/2021 00:24

Private test is a good point actually, I'll have a look into that Smile

Yes I have been here nearly a year. I was in a no mix area at Christmas and over the summer I was working (and my parents are very very anxious so I thought if I could stay here I would try for them- I don't think I thought it'd still be going on this long (!))

I'm very glad I've spoken to them though, hopefully this will help

OP posts:
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