Travelling for see terminally ill parent - allowed?

[Lemons1571]

Parent has a terminal prognosis and has been given X months to live. But they are a long drive away (5 hours). Can their adult child drive to see them? I have visions that they need to be in bed on their last breaths, but maybe we’re allowed to travel before that stage? Have thought of asking parent to send a copy of the consultants letter in case we get stopped by the police. Would you go? Or wait until lockdown lifted and hope that they’re still around?

Parent lives alone but sibling is their support / carer so no bubbles possible.

Ive been really strict with the rules but I would go.

I have no idea on the actual rules but I dont think anyone with a heart could tell you not to.

No idea but I’d do it.

This definitely feels like a” don’t ask permission ask forgiveness after “ situation and one that a sad face news article would be correctly written about.

After all pragmatically someone going to see a terminally ill parent is going to be taking as many Covid precautions as they possibly can so ain’t going to be carrying it round the country either

We had this in March with FIL.

Sadly the months dropped to weeks incredibly quickly, then to days and it was all sadly over too quickly.

Dh and his brother did manage to see their dad, albeit very briefly. Bil had to drive 4 hours to do so.

We broke the rules in March/April to facilitate this. We let bil stay over the night before and the night after their dad died as I just couldn't send him back home in another lengthy journey in his upset state.

Please just go and see them, as safely as you can (re covid and your parent) - I wouldn't risk leaving it, if it's possible.

I'm naturally a compliant person, but I'm afraid some things do have to come first above covid. This is one of those things.

Why are you asking this?? Wouid you honestly not go if the 'rules' say you can't?

You have a terminally ill parent - feck the rules and go!!

No it’s not allowed. But I’d also do it anyway. If anyone stops you say it’s for caring needs (no need for them to know they already have that from your sibling).

A terminal diagnosis doesn't always mean daysor even weeks si maybe get some more info first... would you be confident that you wouldn't take covid with you?
That would be my main concern so if possible would do a 2 week isolation for all/any going... get a non symptom test before starting...I know they not 100% but better than nothing....lockdown then fill up car take everything for journey and stuff for trip/delivery when get there and stay put...could you stay home a bit or would it be a quick whizz??
Planning for the least interactions would be my approach...

How big is X? If its 6 months I'd hold off a few weeks in the hope lockdown will be eased then go. I'd also consider the level of risk you might pose to them. Having 6 months is bad enough, without you making it 3 weeks by giving them COVID. Then again, if you are less risky now due to schools bringshut etc then I'd factor that into your decision too.

Fucking hell. Please just go!

This would fall under ‘compassionate visits’ in the guidance, I would have thought.

DFIL died in April during the last lockdown. DH travelled two hours to see him at his care home. He also travelled to the funeral and twice met at his father’s flat with his brothers ( both live alone) to sort out essential stuff and have a shared cry. I’m not sure the last two visits were rule-abiding but they were needed. I think he did the right thing.

Why are people saying it isn’t allowed? I assume OP is in England. It says very clearly in the government guidance (updated yesterday) that compassionate visits are a reasonable excuse for leaving home.

I don’t even understand you asking this OP. Just go. And don’t wait either, the end can come quicker than anticipated.

@Remmy123 worried about meeting the cost of a fine tbh.
Terminally ill parent had the 1st vaccine a few weeks ago.
Possibility of taking covid with us as DH still has to go to (allegedly covid secure) job and we still go to the supermarket etc.
Haven’t put how long X is. It sounds likely to be months rather than weeks but consultant still waiting on some results.

Sorry about your parent Lemons1571. It's hard living far away at times like these.

Agree completely with MoonlightInVermont. It's quite clear from the guidance - assuming that you are in England - that it's permissible to visit someone who is terminally ill.

Sorry you are in

For goodness sake, you probably have only one chance to see them again. Just go. It sounds like it is in the 'rules' anyway under 'compassionate visits'. Nothing and no one would stop me from seeing someone I really love who is about to die....

[quote Lemons1571]@Remmy123 worried about meeting the cost of a fine tbh.
Terminally ill parent had the 1st vaccine a few weeks ago.
Possibility of taking covid with us as DH still has to go to (allegedly covid secure) job and we still go to the supermarket etc.
Haven’t put how long X is. It sounds likely to be months rather than weeks but consultant still waiting on some results.[/quote]
You could book a covid test beforehand.

In some area they are allowing people to book non symptom tests, but the you could easily just lie and get a test that way if you wanted to be more safe for him.

Allowed.

There is a legal exception for visiting someone you "reasonably believe" to be dying. You're fine, go.

I would go, nothing would stop me.

Sorry to hear about your parent 💐x

As swg1 said, You're allowed to visit someone reasonably believed to be dying

I don't know if I'd go in your situation or not though because I'd be very scared of giving them Covid. I'd see what tests were available. I know your parent has had their first vax, but they can still get it and in a weakened state it could still make them very ill & need to be hospitalised.

I'd rather my parent was at home with my sibling, than in hospital.

Personal decision for you to make, but you are 'allowed' to go.

I would go and see your relative. I travelled to spend time with a dying parent in May last year, and I do not regret it one bit. There will be people out there who say you should protect your sick relative from Covid, however, cancer or whatever is making your relative ill will certainly take your relative away, whereas Covid only 'might.' You will never get those days back, I would look anyone in the eye and ask them 'If not seeing your parent ever again meant they died of cancer in 2 months instead of Covid in one month, would you stay away?' Most people would choose to see their parent again.

So sorry to hear this.
I would go.

I would stop supermarket trips for two weeks before go, and get online delivery even if a one off - anything to reduce risk.

I would go and I think it’s allowed anyway.

Sorry should have elaborated. We were allowed in my grandfathers care home when he was put on end of life care (during lockdown) socially distanced, with masks etc but allowed because he was end of life.

If the relative has had the vaccine, I would be there like a shot.

Of course it's allowed, it's the care exemption. Relative is clearly vulnerable if they're terminally ill