7 year old refusing to do schoolwork

[JKW36]

I'm tearing my hair out. I have a 10 year old with adhd and during the first school closure I nearly had a breakdown because of his refusal to do the work. He would cry, argue, tantrum, roll around, not pay attention. It was just the worst. My daughter who was 5/6 at the time got on with her work quietly no problem.

When school closures were announced this time I was so worried about my son. But he is like a different child because this time they are doing live lessons. He is focused and engaged, does all his work no problem. I am so proud of him and I felt positive that this time we would have a good experience.

But now my daughter is crying and refusing to do the work every day. She doesn't pay attention during the lesson and shouts and screams at me when I ask her to write just one sentence. Its like trying to get blood out of a stone. We are only a few weeks into it yet and I just dread getting up every morning. I cannot believe after all we went through last time and now I have to go through it again. Its not good for any of us but what choice do we have?
Any advice on how to get her to actually do the work without arguing? My husband and I aren't willing to let her not do it because she will fall behind

No idea but I'm in a similar boat!

Bribery

DS was like this, I emailed the teacher and explained and they offered to phone a few times a week first thing in the morning to explain what needs to be on a 1-2-1 basis and have a chat about how he was feeling about the work. It did help.

It might be worth contacting the teacher to see what they can suggest.

I could have written your post... older boy with SEN suddenly doing all his work (I never expected this) and his younger sister refusing crying etc. However, last time trying to push my son to do it just meant arguments, threatened our relationship and a tough transition back into school (and worse, huge meltdowns etc.).

6/7 is still very young, and they are struggling to comprehend why they aren't at school/seeing their friends. They are also probably very scared and struggle to process that. Try and follow their interests rather than do the work from school and do other stuff like baking, games etc. Also speak to the school and explain what is happening too.

I think you can't make them and the last thing you want to do is to damage their confidence which could lead to them disengaging with education. Think about they actually need, not what you and your husband want.

Op you don't say how much she has and what you do to try and encourage her?.
First lock down my then 7 year old received zero work from the school so I researched everything myself and brought Carol voderman books.

To encourage dd I did a variety of things, carrots.. Screen time, sweets, TV...

Sticks... If she's not going to work with me I can send her into school /teachers need to see evidence of her trying.

Took a good few weeks but once the expectations were there and the routine.. She was much easier today work with.

Then.. Heaps of praise.. Treats... Etc etc.

The work we did was in short bursts.. Nothing tedious for hours, remember in class they have lots of breaks and play time...

We did very short bursts everyday BUT.. I'm astonished how those short bursts brought a dd with sen along!!

1:1 goes a very, very long way...

Also giving a choice..
What do you want to do do today? 20 mins reading or Writing etc to give them a sense of control.

She has live lessons from 9 til 12 every day. Maths, then English then phonics. They have to do work during the lesson and then some more afterwards which has to be submitted over teams by 4pm. It's then marked and sent back with feedback.

Poor you, what year is you dd in? I wouldn't do all the work and give her other things to do and learn about. Hours of live learning on the computer sounds completely overwhelming and unhealthy I'd not let my kids do that, I'd rather deregister them and home school.

If you don't attend the lesson you are marked as an absence from school. If you don't do the work they chase you. Plus they are moaning at me about the quality of her work. They don't understand what we had to go through to get her to do any of it!

Is this state or private?

I feel your pain. One with ASD probably PDA and one on diagnosis pathway. Suspect ADHD.
No live lessons hmjyst videos but just getting more behind each day

Just a normal state school. My problem isn't really with what the school are asking as it's mostly the teacher talking. The children don't have to do that much. It's just she's refusing to even write the date!

My 9 year old is the same. No matter of bribery, encouragement etc is helping. I am trying everything I can but he’s having meltdowns 3/4 times a day. No live lessons, work is over his head too which I’ve discussed with school it’s confusing him. And me!! I’m not a teacher I’m terrible at maths so helping him when I’m confused isn’t easy. 10 year old just cracks on no bother.

Every child with SEN should be going in like the key worker children in my opinion. It would also calm MN down as most posters children have SEN

I pick my battles.
Today mine logged on for live lessons which they are now bored witless with after about 13 identically structured sessions of a lot of talking on a powerpoint and fill the sheet in. They didn't pick up a pencil.
We got 5 mins into the next session, and DS2 clearly had not brought his attention-span along with his body, so rather than chase him back in the room and have a drawn-out stand-off during which no learning would be picked up anyway, I pressed Leave and got the sledge out.

Another day we'll be more successful, fill the sheet in and even get to some foundation subject work or a few sentences of English.

Last week the sun came out after the storm and we went out to exercise and learned about the flood plain and flood defences in action. We discussed the Roman Fort and Roman Well in the area.

DS1 (10) has several SENs. DS2 (7) is just a frustrated little boy that should do lots of sports and running around with other children and is not a mature learner.
Yes, they are falling behind in the curriculum because their educational needs are not being met. Me nagging constantly, bribing and threatening and triggering lots of meltdowns will just make them more miserable and turn them off formal learning. We do get some learning done even if it wasn't all on the teacher's plan.

@BubblyBarbara

Every child with SEN should be going in like the key worker children in my opinion. It would also calm MN down as most posters children have SEN

I wish my school was of the same opinion. They knew that he did not engage from March to July last year.

I would email the school each night with a detailed description of what happened. Every night, a summary of work attempted, refusals, crying, meltdowns and all the rest. They have a duty to make learning accessible, not harass you and traumatise your kids.

The only thing that will happen if she's marked absent every day is that the school will offer you a place. They have to do what they can to make sure your child is educated, you don't.
I'm not telling you this to pit you against the school. I'm a teacher.
I'm saying this because hopefully it will help you relax enough to take a step back and make a plan that is best for your family.
It sounds like your daughter is experiencing huge stress and trying to force her to do a little bit of work each day will only make that worse.
Instead sit her down and ask her to explain as much as she can how she is feeling. What is worrying her? Why does she feel unable to do her work?
She may not be able to explain so you can offer explanations and see how she responds. Is she worried about getting it wrong? Are the live lessons muddling her? Is it the way mummy talks to her? Be prepared that it may be you that is stressing her out. Absolutely no judgement, we're all in a horrible situation and I know you are trying to do your best.
Reassure her that this is all only temporary and you just want her to be happy. If school work is stressing her out too much, tell her you can make a plan to make sure she's not worried.
I'd personally offer: she has to watch the lessons but she doesn't have to do any of the work for the moment.
Then start building it in again slowly. After a couple of days where she just watched but didn't do work, ask her to tell you about the lesson. If she can't explain or remember, don't worry. But it may lead to a good discussion about what she learnt - try to build on any flicker of excitement or interest but don't push it. Then the next day, tell her, really excitedly, that you're going to watch the lesson with her and YOU'RE going to do the work. Do that, and massively over act how much you enjoyed it, and how much you learnt and can't wait for the next day. Then the next day, invite her to do it with you. Make learning a bonding experience for you both.
Then just continue to really gradually build it up so she's back doing a little bit of work. It may take weeks but it'll be worth it. I guarantee you if shes really stressed at the moment, she isn't learning anything. What's more important is that she's not stressed, and engaged and enjoying learning again.
Also throughout all of this, massively heap on the praise for everything. Every little thing. And then very gradually expect a bit more effort for the same level of praise.
Also throughout this don't correct her work. She get her doing it again, even if it's full of mistakes, find something to praise.
Let the school know what you're doing. If they're not happy with the plan, they can offer her a place at school.

Is she allowed to start writing whilst the teacher talks on Zoom? I find my 7 year old gets bored on the Zoom calls and sometimes they go on for a long time with a lot of description until they get to the actual work which is meant to be only 20 minutes and lots of kids ask questions and he loses concentration so I tell him to just get on with the work when he is ready. There are are also descriptions on the website of what needs to be done so when I don't have too much work we chat through this briefly in the morning. It is actually quite confusing for younger children to know whom to take instruction from the teacher, mum, the website with tasks etc and all our tasks are differentiated (so sometimes he is unsure what is being asked of him). Quite often my DS also just reads his book on Zoom. I am sure the teacher can see but at least he is doing something educational.

One of mine was like this first time around.
Some things that slightly improved the situation (didn't solve it):

• he personally wrote emails to his teacher about the work he'd done (and she replied with lots of praise),
• I gave him choices so if he had 3 subjects to do he could choose the order in which to do them,
• teacher advised if we were not getting any where take 15 minutes out but give him a book to read (he soon preferred to do his work and get it done so he could play),
• teacher also encouraged routine and include getting outside between the bits they find hardest.

That’s so much live teaching...mine gets half an hour twice a week! Trying to keep her occupied the rest of the time is a nightmare but I think there’s a balance, 3 hours in one stint does sound a lot to concentrate on.

I have a 6yr old son, yr 2, who refuses to write anything. He can discuss the content and verbally answer questions, but no writing. We have no live lessons - a mixture of prerecorded and worksheets. I work full time from home, so could not manage live lessons. I'm in touch with his class teacher, and she's understanding atm. It's very frustrating - half his class are in school, I really feel for him. No advice, but I'm interested in replies.

Op that's a lot do they give them breaks?

What do you bribe her with?. Leverage?.
First lock down was mentos for us!. Screen ⌚, roblox...

Reach, advice would be ask him to practise hand writing, print out first 100 hfw sheets and ask for a line or a few lines a day to keep handwriting skills going.
For anything creative it's fine to write it for him.

Bribery, bribery and then a bit more bribery tbh