How do you not just cry?

[anonymouspanicking]

Disclaimer; I have an autistic spectrum disorder and OCD so panicking is sort of my usual state of mind .

I’m really struggling tonight after the news . I feel like we’re in some sort of hell and I can’t see the end . They said they don’t know if the vaccines help the African strain so surely it’s a matter of time before we all catch that too, or the other strain that is more likely to kill us . I feel like it’s inevitable that we’ll all catch it . The only person I know who texted covid positive nearly died, she was absolutely fine, fit and healthy before . One day had a cough the next in HDU on cpap . Now bedridden .

I haven’t seen a friend, or a relative other than my mother, since January 2020 . In fact it’s even longer since I last saw a friend, as I’d had a breakdown in 2019 .

I’m scared all the time, I’m not sleeping, I’m not eating right, I’m getting to the point that even going out walking feels like dicing with death . I’m scared everything is contaminated, I’m staring to think we should be quarantining mail and food again .

I’m medicated which helps to some extent but I’m really, hugely struggling and just want to cry tonight .

I miss my sister so very desperately, my friends, cafes, buses, the park, hugs, supermarkets, shopping..

I was watching Boris earlier and just felt sick, and so scared and worried, he doesn’t look like he knows what he’s doing and I’m so scared .

I do. At the moment, several times a day.

I want my old life back and it seems further away than ever right now.

I try to remember the things I have to be thankful for, and there are plenty. But I am increasingly sad. For me and my family, but mostly for those less fortunate.

This is shit.

I nearly cried today for the first time since this all started. Logically I know it can’t go on for ever but it just seems to be getting worse and worse. I feel far more worried now than I ever did during the first lockdown.
I suspect the winter weather isn’t helping.

I'm sorry you're struggling, I didn't watch it tonight but felt a bit low when I read the headlines. But I read a few posts on here about it and took some points on board from others about how the increase of dying from it is still so very very low, I tell myself that I probably have more chance of dying from a car accident or something else but it doesn't stop me going out in a car or eating an unhealthy food etc.
I am doing everything I can to not pick it up, I open mail but wash my hands straight after without touching anything else but I don't wash down shopping as we are a big family so it would take me an hour.
I think keeping busy with normal things, find some series to binge on, cook a new recipe, only look at the news every other day or less than that if you can as they use headlines to grab your attention.
I only really know of serious cases and deaths via the media, my Mums boyfriend got it, is in the vulnerable group but he barely had a symptom. My Mum never caught it, it's only the media that gets me worried. Vaccines can be tweaked more easily now too don't forget, covid may never go, but it will probably become a mild illness for everyone vaccinated.
Hope you have a better day tomorrow and find something to do that will help you take your mind off it

I do. But you won’t see, because I don’t do it on my walks, or in the shop. I do it alone at night.

But this will end. We can make covid vaccines. We are getting better at treatments. One day we will look back at the covid years as the nightmare they were and wonder how we ever got through it.

I just had a cry on my own. I feel so sad tonight.

It's completely reasonable to be scared, but you know the difference between scared, and intrusive thought patterns don't you? Do you feel like you need some help just now to get things back on a bit more of a balanced footing, and do you have access to any support? If you do, ask for help.

Personally, it helps me if I focus on the things I can do. I can keep my home clean and make sure I only let in the people who are meant to be there. I can eat regularly and well enough to give me the energy to do the things I need to do. I can log out of twitter, facebook etc. and be selective about the news outlets I pay attention to. I can spend an entire day knitting, wrapped in a blanket and watching Miss Marple reruns if it gives me a bit of recharge time because I need to let my body relax and give my brain a rest from loops of thinking that just stress me out more.

What I don't need to do is pretend everything's fine. It isn't, and pretending it is is just going to give me extra baggage to carry.