Anyone in the office ft with dc at home?

[Allispretty]

Hi all

I'm currently furlough but starting a new job in 2 weeks. I have to be on site as it's for a healthcare provider in a support/admin role. My DP is at home but in an extremely stressful job in finance and tbh there's not a chance he could homeschool ds as I already struggle getting him to concentrate.

Is anyone else in a similar situation and how are you managing? I'm feeling extremely anxious about this but I can't pass this opportunity as it's better career prospects and more money plus 5 mins drive from home. I'll be in the office 9-5 do I need to give up stressing myself over it or anyone have any tips on how I can fit at least some learning in? Ds is already having way to much Xbox time and he's going to turn into a gaming zombie 😣

How old is ds? I think it makes a difference if they are 10 and under and need to be supervised for home schooling, 10+ and I'd expect to be able to explain that it was really important that he got on with his work as much as he is able, with rewards from your salary to bribe him for doing this. Can DH take a lunch break and be with him for an hour during the day to answer any questions he has, and help him with home schooling?

@muddledmidget thanks for this he's 8 so definitely needs supervision, honestly DP would be useless so that's a no go he has said he will take some time out and try support but I don't foresee it going well...

I'm now starting to doubt myself as keep saying homeschooling won't go on forever so I'd be silly to miss the opportunity to I can't leave ds learning nothing for potentially 2 months if not longer 😣

I'm also slightly pissed off as although I'm not a critical worker there are children in my sons school who absolutely do not need to be there (parents work for private corps etc but worked around key worker status) and there are no spaces.

Can your dh take some flexitime or annual leave for your first week? You need to focus on the new job. Also, DH will be the at home parent so he will have to figure out how that works (you'll be an essential worker, there's plenty of people in his position). You can only support home and learning routine routine first thing and in the evening.

He'll be fine from a learning pov if you keep up an hour a day and two hours on weekends. However he's 8, he will need dh to parent during the day and help him have a good routine. I would say don't get too involved, let dh figure out how it works and don't criticise or interfere, certainly don't let him pull the incapable card.

Is your DP your DSs dad? If so, he's just going to have to work out how to make it work at home if you're going out to work. How does DSs school work from home? Does he have lessons to be completed at set times or can it be more flexible? Can you and DP work out a timetable that will enable DS to have some support when he needs it? 8 years old is too young to be left entirely in charge of their own education, but it should be workable with some flexibility. How many hours does he need to do? Could you move his weekend so he does school work on a Saturday when you're around but gets extra xbox time on a Monday? A lot depends on how much DP is prepared to step up, and how much work DS is expected to do. Also bribery might work with an 8yo, if he can complete all his work to the best of his ability with little whinging, new xbox game, family movie night with his choice of takeaway, you being at his beck and call for an hour, where he can ask you to do absolutely anything (as long as not illegal - my parents used to do this, we could make them dress up, paint their nails, make them fetch us drinks etc, but as long as we'd done what we needed to do to earn it!)

Has your DP spoke to his work and explained the situation? I'm not he's not the only one in his position, having to WFH and homeschool at the same time?

Online learning at Primary age was shocking during the first lockdown. Trying to manage that and work full time at home (single parent) was mission impossible.

I'm not sure if it's improved at your DS school ? Does he have any zoom or teams lessons?

Mine is at secondary now and it's a whole different experience, practically a full schedule of classes every day which is an enormous help.

I'd sit down with your DS and DH and explain there has to be a new routine.

Your DH will need to block time every day for your DS where he needs supervision. And hopefully your DS can do some sheet work etc on his own.

And this won't be forever, he will be back at school soon so it will be more manageable hopefully then. So don't think he has to be doing loads of hours at home. Most people who homeschool full time say they do about 2/3 hours structured work. I certainly had to let things slide a lot in the first lockdown.

Your DH does need to have the conversation at work. He needs to be clear he can't work at the same pace for a few weeks because he has responsibility for homeschooling.

Take the job. Home schooling wont be forever. Just do what you can in the evenings

Thanks everyone DP isn't ds dad but he's already said he will try do what he can I just honestly know he will struggle. His school isn't a full zoom schedule just 1 catch up call on a Friday which DP could get him set up on and supervise if needed it's more the daily work which is send each evening and full schedule of maths, English, reading and core subject like science etc.

Am I being foolish taking a new job with not much flexibility in these times? Current employer knows me well and happy to accomodate me with ds but I'm in an industry severely impacted and I'm massively bored by my role with no support/guidance. I just can't seem to see past the short term at the minute and it's stressing me out

Meant to add we are not doing absolutely everything that is sent daily as it would take me 9-5 to get it done with all the faffing etc! We usually do maths English spelling and some writing

Absolutely agree with @LegoAndLolDolls, the job (congratulations and very well done! ) is a permanent change for the better and will enable both you and your family better long term. The current homeschool situation is a temporary one and WILL end. Tbh at 8 years old you really can afford to let things slide a bit without disastrous outcomes..

Can you not get a keyworker school place especially as you are in healthcare provision and your partner is in banking?

If you are in healthcare and your DH in finance can your son not get a keyworker place at school?

@Wilkolampshade

Absolutely agree with *@LegoAndLolDolls*, the job (congratulations and very well done! ) is a permanent change for the better and will enable both you and your family better long term. The current homeschool situation is a temporary one and WILL end. Tbh at 8 years old you really can afford to let things slide a bit without disastrous outcomes..

Ah thank you so much 😊 I'm really excited about the job I just wish it was in normal times so non of this rubbish to think about!

I think your right I need to stop stressing, this is only short term I think I'm going to have to face facts that very little will be done and we'll catch up on some evenings and weekend

@BigRedBoat

If you are in healthcare and your DH in finance can your son not get a keyworker place at school?

I've tried but the school is full for places at the minute apparently with an already full list, I'm hoping the headteacher will call me at some point to explain process or even if I could get him in 1 or 2 days a week I'd feel much more settled about the situation

Hi OP - there are quite a lot of us in this situation. I am a single parent with two primary DS and work full time in a very busy job ( also a keyworker and one child SEN but couldn’t get a place).

I think your best bet ( depending on your DS) is to do a little timetable with him and print out a few of the sheets of work the night before. If you had time ( or energy!) I’d run through them briefly. Then see if he can attempt it himself. I’d make it manageable though - so not necessarily even all the maths? I’d also maybe do him some snack pots to munch on?

Another option if you can afford/ have iPad etc is to download something like doodle maths abs English that he could do unaccompanied.

It is rubbish though - I’m very aware that my DC aren’t getting the input and learning of a lot of their peers. Tbh I try not to think about it and focus on the fact I need to keep a job as that will benefit them more long term.

Good luck in your new job!

@littlestpogo

Hi OP - there are quite a lot of us in this situation. I am a single parent with two primary DS and work full time in a very busy job ( also a keyworker and one child SEN but couldn’t get a place).

I think your best bet ( depending on your DS) is to do a little timetable with him and print out a few of the sheets of work the night before. If you had time ( or energy!) I’d run through them briefly. Then see if he can attempt it himself. I’d make it manageable though - so not necessarily even all the maths? I’d also maybe do him some snack pots to munch on?

Another option if you can afford/ have iPad etc is to download something like doodle maths abs English that he could do unaccompanied.

It is rubbish though - I’m very aware that my DC aren’t getting the input and learning of a lot of their peers. Tbh I try not to think about it and focus on the fact I need to keep a job as that will benefit them more long term.

Good luck in your new job!

Thank you so much, this sounds awful but it's nice to know I'm not alone. I did invest in a printer so can get the worksheets printed out evening before. If I'm being completely honest we are managing 2/3 hours of work a day anyway and that's interrupted by snack breaks and moaning 🙄 my thought is I'll print everything out and ask him to do what he can with maths/English during the day then I'll pick back up on evenings for an hour or try fit bits in on the weekend...I feel frazzled thinking about it all 🥴

Your partner needs to step his game up a bit and help out. If he has a stressful finance job he's clearly able to support a couple of English and maths worksheets even if its in his lunch hour or even after his work just like you'll be doing. You shouldn't be taking on full time work and all the learning. Don't feel pressure to do every peace of work sent its not manageable with 2 ft parents. Im sure you could both spend an hour out your day each to help him.
Agree a routine, ds watches bitesize on cbbc or planet earth documentaries in the morning, he does a couple of worksheets in DP lunch, ds gets xbox for the afternoon, you do another couple worksheets when you get home from work.
Is DS dad involved?

@3littlewords thank you, I know your right I think it's me overthinking it he's quite relaxed and said if we work out a schedule I'll be able to help with some of the questions etc. I just know he won't have the time to sit and supervise like I am now but then there are lots of people in that position and it can't be helped.

School have said they will contact me if/when a place becomes available so fingers crossed they will have one soon, until then we are just going to do what we can