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Original poster

Step son keeps turning up to visit

17 replies

JokerEmma · 17/01/2021 20:42

My step son is 28, lives a couple of miles away with his gf. He keeps turning up on our doorstep unannounced with his gf to visit. I’m finding it increasingly frustrating he doesn’t seem to understand that we’re in a pandemic and not mixing. He popped up the other day to collect something and I told DH to take it out to him before he got out of the car so maybe he’ll get the hint that we are not having visitors at the moment.
He clearly didn’t pick up on this as he turned up again earlier with his gf. He’s on furlough and get that he’s bored but he keeps visiting!
I told DH to tell him to stop coming but he said he didn’t feel comfortable with this.
I said next time I will stay upstairs as I don’t when people in the house, I’m annoyed DH won’t speak to him.
Has anyone here had to tell family to stay away? I think we’re going to fall out

OP posts:
tinkerbell2021 · 17/01/2021 20:45

Same here. I've got dsd and dss that keep popping in for visits. I have no idea why they think rules don't apply to them.

maybemu · 17/01/2021 20:54

Are they coming in the house or chatting outside?

FippertyGibbett · 17/01/2021 20:55

I wouldn’t have them in the house. They can talk outside.
You’re not being unreasonable.

Original poster
JokerEmma · 17/01/2021 21:00

@maybemu

Are they coming in the house or chatting outside?
They’re coming in. I open the door, do my surprised face, pause and say oh hello with a puzzled face and eventually say come in because they clearly don’t pick up on hints. In future I’ll just not answer the door and hide upstairs- I’m infuriated I’ve been put in this position
OP posts:
BananaPop2020 · 17/01/2021 21:03

I think you need to stop dropping hints and be blunt. There is no point you staying upstairs if your husband is going to entertain him in the house - the damage is done.

ScrapThatThen · 17/01/2021 21:07

Well you let them in!

StacySoloman · 17/01/2021 21:08

Stop inviting them in then!

partyatthepalace · 17/01/2021 21:08

Why don’t you just explain to your DP Zhou aren’t comfortable and ring your DSS ad say you aren’t comfortable and these are the rules (in a friendly way). If your DH wants to see him they can go for a daily walk.

I know these are dramatic times but I don’t think pulling pantomime surprised faces and falling out is called for Grin

Yummymummy2020 · 17/01/2021 21:08

We are not letting anyone in we just said it out straight. I have no issue with front garden visits though. If you are just blunt about it I find it best there is no room for misunderstanding that way. Tell your husband these visits are stressing you out and it’s not fair, but I would let him chat to them outside if he so wishes!

Candyfloss99 · 17/01/2021 21:09

Why can't you say, "sorry we can't let you in due to the lockdown rules". As you don't say this but let them in your really as bad as them.

Carysmatthews · 17/01/2021 21:30

Same here. My 28 year old step son has visited us whilst also spending time with his girlfriend. I’ve asked my husband to tell him he can either be in a bubble with his girlfriend or with us, but not both.

BettyAndVeronica · 17/01/2021 21:37

Yes. FIL and his daughter (half SIL) have repeatedly turned up for doorstep visits.

It's really annoying. I said that front garden visits are included in things we are not supposed to be doing. He can't take even the most obvious of hints. I have also said that making unnecessary journeys are not a good idea as he lives 30mins drive away. And that the DC miss him too but can we FaceTime instead.
Nope, still turns up.

DH won't say anything other than 'please stand back a bit' or 'shall I call you instead of you coming, not sure it's allowed'.

The problem is DH is not able to be assertive enough. And It's not my place to be completely blunt to his father, they'll say I'm being rude.

Darbs76 · 17/01/2021 21:45

Could you text them and say you’re very concerned with increasing number of cases do can only meet outside now

Freddiefox · 17/01/2021 21:51

Are you seeing any of your family? Are any of your family coming in the house?

Milkshake7489 · 17/01/2021 22:00

Presuming you're not seeing any of your family, why not just say "sorry, you can't come in?". You could add something about getting your dh to go outside to chat to them if you don't want to cause ill feelings?

Ideally your husband should be calling to discuss this with him directly but if you answer the door and invite them in you can't really complain when they accept your invitation.

TorringtonDean · 18/01/2021 08:34

It’s breaking the law and totally disrespectful of your feelings and health. If your DH won’t tell them then you can see that you are not respected.

WilsonMilson · 18/01/2021 08:52

I had a similar situation with 2x young adult dss here, although thankfully they don’t just turn up unannounced, I can’t abide people doing that at any time, let alone during a pandemic.

It was actually DH who had, in his great wisdom, invited them round. He had been meeting them outdoors since the latest lockdown, but somehow thought it would be ok for them to just pop in.

I put my foot down and said absolutelu not. I have a right to feel safe in my own home, and that trumps his need to have visitors round. We had a row about it, but I stood my ground and he went for a walk with them instead. You’ve got to know what your boundaries are, and make that crystal clear. Your home is sacrosanct and NO ONE should be made to feel unsafe in their own home. Your DH is the problem here.

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