What would you think about an adult saying this to a 6 year old?

[LegoAndLolDolls]

Dd is 6. In year 1.

"If you suck your hair and then eat some you will go to hospital and your be alone and no one will visit you at all"

Ok so maybe that's true but I'm not sure a six year old needs to hear this?

Sounds unlikely

But it's not even true, on any level.

@lcdododo unlikely that someone told my dd this? It's just come out in casual conversation today as her brother was touching her hair

Her brother said that to her?

It's not true and a 6 year old doesn't need to hear it.
Your DC won't end up in hospital due to sucking her hair, and, even if she did, she wouldn't be alone without visitors. I work in a children's hospital, and children are allowed a parent to stay with them, just to reassure your DD, you and anyone else reading this.

No, it came about because her brother touched her hair.

Her year 1 teacher said it to her. She is also a senco and knows my dd is on a two years wait to get ASD test with camhs.

I'm not going complain but it think it's a shitty thing for a experienced infant senco to say. I guess she is stressed but it feels intentional spiteful to scare the kids. Like I say, I'm not going to say anything anyway. She has also dragged my dd into school screaming by her wrists before. I gave her some benefit of doubt with her lack of ASD understanding but meh, now I think she doesnt like kids / my kid

I would complain OP. That's a really shitty thing for a professional to say to a kid. A relative, I would be annoyed and pull them up on it but a senco? Really not on at all.

No that's a horrible thing to say. I admit I've made mistakes explaining the virus to my two ( I royally screwed up the vaccine explanation which nearly caused a meltdown) but you don't deliberately scare a DC with that. I know people are scared but that's not ok. Like you I probably wouldn't complain right now , just offset with a more sensible explanation .

Thank you badlydrawnbear that actually is reassuring. I sort of assumed it but I have wondered once or twice.

And did you overhear this exact conversation word for word?

Or are you simply basing it on Chinese whispers from your child?

She has also dragged my dd into school screaming by her wrists before.

If this happened exactly like you say, you would've intervened.

Me thinks you add things into the situation for a bit of drama

I didnt say anything to my dd as I didnt want to make a big deal of it. I presume the senco is meaning that during covid people go into hospital and die alone. But she is projecting her fears onto tiny kids who haven't had a whole year in school yet.

I might have another chat with dd to see how far she went down that topic.

It's a tiny school..three years so only the equivalent of three full time teachers ( but in reality six pt) and the senco is one of those teachers and I think the main SMT member. Theres no way school will listen to me. They wont even put my dd onto the SEN register dispite her passing a SEN panel for EYS and a tribunal ruling to watch her carefully.

I have done many SEN appeals and complaints and had LGO complaint upheld and my LA fined due to withhold SEN provision.

I can tell a school that closes ranks at 20 miles now. I just feel this is pure contempt and I'm unreasonable to feel like that

No I didnt hear it word for word. How would I?

I knew as I said it was a teacher I would be called out as a liar.

With the dragging- you know I did nothing how? Was you there?

So my dd being in situation where she said a adult something to me ( two people) is Chinese whispers?

I work in safeguarding in school. I hope to fuck you dont work where safeguarding is necessary?

At the end of the day, as shown here my dd will be presumed a lier as expected.

I'm sure she deserved it too

I remember when i was a small child i used to chew my hair, and my awful grandmother told me I'd die if i kept doing it. She was a horrible woman and that's one of the few memories i have of her.
It didnt stop me chewing my hair, but it did cause me a lot of anxiety and contributed to the obsessive fear of death i had as a child.

It's not even something I normally notice my dd doing. I guess because her hair is in a handy bite size ponytail at school. Wouldnt be so bad if she was a obsessive hair chewer.

I think the senco is looking for things to snipe over with this one.

Speak to the head, say your daughter has disclosed something her teacher said to her that's caused some anxiety. Explain word for word what your DD said, the same way you would if any child had disclosed abuse (I'm assuming your safeguarding work means you're aware of the procedure).

If the incident with your DD being dragged into school wasn't dealt with at the time, when you speak to the head make a point of saying 'this is the same member of staff who took DD by the wrists and dragged her into school, so i'm concerned there's something serious going on' Make a point that there's been priors, even if it was dealt with at the time.

This is a reach and not facts based but there's a chance this member of staff resents your DD or struggles to care for her due to her additional needs and this is coming out in an unsafe way.

You're definitely not overreacting, yanbu. Take this seriously.

@Lucieintheskye I worry that if I bring it up I'm going to be called a lier or my dd a lier.

I worry it's just going to seen as attacking a front line worker on the coal face of covid right now. My dd might be hard work, I suspect she is but if you know anything about SEN education, you will know that even the most needy children get down played as intervention = funding so it's best to never admit any needs at all. Her school tend to play for time and pass the issues onto the junior school.

@badlydrawnbear

It's not true and a 6 year old doesn't need to hear it. Your DC won't end up in hospital due to sucking her hair, and, even if she did, she wouldn't be alone without visitors. I work in a children's hospital, and children are allowed a parent to stay with them, just to reassure your DD, you and anyone else reading this.

That’s so fantastic to hear 😘

@LegoAndLolDolls

It seems no one is looking out for her except you, you need to try to get them to listen or at least record each incident. It doesn't matter about covid, and you're not attacking anyone, you're looking after your child.

Can you speak to the governors? Or at least 'threaten' to take it higher and go to governors/ofsted? If your child isn't being looked after they'll want to hear it. It looks bad on the school if you go further with an issue like this, so they'll likely be more willing to deal with it.

I used to work in a school and spent a lot of time shadowing sendco and working with children with SEN so I know how it works on the inside, and I know how much parents struggle to get their children cared for and listened to. I know it must be really difficult for you to keep fighting, but your daughter needs it, whether she has SEN or not, she clearly isn't getting the support she needs.

If you do speak to the school, use all the big key words, 'safeguarding'. 'duty of care'. 'discrimination'. Make it clear that you feel your child isn't being cared for and is being treated differently than other children.

If I was in your situation OP I would find a different school that has a better understanding of children with SEN.

I dont think there are better schools at dealing with SEN unfortunately. I have had three kids in three different state mainstream and all of them ignore the SEND code of practice. Two have threatened me when challenged not following their own policies. I dont have any faith in mainstream to deal with SEND. I have two boys with EHCPs but one had four appeals to get out of mainstream.

I asked the HT if they could draw up one intervention to get my dd through the door in the mornings without being dragged so that everyone, me and dd knew what to expect who ever was working that day. The HT didnt answer me so I said I knew it was zero cost reasonable adjustment and still she wouldnt agree to it with no reason why. I told her I presumed that it was a no because it was a step onto SEN register and funding. School has copies of all her SEN paperwork. I appealed for her to have a ehcp before she started school.

Without any evidence of needs I cant appeal again. I could apply for her to be assessed but if the school insist she is fine, I'm in for another long fight. The OT came in to assess her and wrote quite a damming report but school said she had lied and turned up two hours late. Another thing to complain and chase up which I should do really. But the OT report didnt make any suggestions either so I didnt complain. The report doesnt help my dd either way