Having a baby during COVID

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Just wanting to vent really. I know everyone is weary of lockdown and covid after nearly a year of this so not claiming that we have it harder than others, but I’m just feeling low. A year is such a long time if you have little ones and I’m really sad thinking back over all the things we’ve missed out on.

I had my DS in the first lockdown and there were the initial hard things like DH only being allowed to be with me during active labour and being kicked out of the hospital after the birth. He wasn’t allowed back on the ward, which was hard as I’d had a difficult birth and was in a lot of pain, and then we weren’t allowed any visitors once we came home. It was months before some members of our family were allowed to meet him

With my DD starting reception last September it had felt like a good age gap and I had been so looking forward to going to baby groups like rhyme time at the library, swimming and being able to meet other mums with babies and make some friends etc. I was really pleased when I managed to get to a couple of groups for a few weeks, but then the November lockdown & being in a higher tier shut everything down again and it’s just not the same on Zoom so I haven’t bothered.

DS is now crawling about and into everything, but there’s nowhere to take him apart from on endless walks to the park (not great in January!), and now the schools are shut I have to just plonk him in his playpen (which he hates) while I attempt to help DD with her video lessons 4 times a day. It’s stressful and boring at once.

I know there’s light at the end of the tunnel with the vaccine roll out, but the first year goes so quickly, and we’ll never get this time back. I know DS won’t remember it but we’ll probably still be in lockdown when he turns one

Compared to when I had DD it’s been such a lonely year. Has anyone else had a baby in the last year and feeling like this?

Yep! I had my first baby in Lockdown 1 in May and will shortly be returning to work. I feel like I'm almost grieving my mat leave now that its over as there is a a realisation now that it wasn't at all what I'd hoped.

I've not had another mat leave so can't compare but I've really really struggled at times.

Yes same here. First baby born in March so whole life in lockdown pretty much. It’s been hard going. There’s been lots and lots of threads of here about mums feeling similar so you are definitely not alone!

Yes, baby born in May. I am actually looking forward to going back to work in April just so I can talk to some adults!

My parents haven’t been able to meet my DD as the live abroad and I am feeling very isolated.

I am very vulnerable with diabetes and I have previously had lung failure and a bunch of other issues so I am entirely avoiding people at present. I really never want to be on a ventilator again! I also think I haven’t lost the baby weight as I am just too fed up of lockdown and nothing to do!

That being said my DH has worked from home the whole time, which is nice. So must look at the positives I suppose.

Do you worry that the lack of interaction with other people will affect babies so young ? Mine is starting nursery in April and I think she is in for a shock!

Thanks for replies

I really feel for first-time mums! It's such a huge life change having a baby & without all the normal supports in place it must be so hard. It's such a shame to have maternity leave and feel like you can't make the most of the time off too.

@LH1987 That sounds so tough, I'm sorry. My SIL had her baby in May and her parents haven't met her yet either as they're abroad too - I can't imagine how hard that is! I hope your parents will be able to meet your little one before too long.

I don't think under 1s will be too affected by lack of interaction with other babies as they're so little...at least my DS has his big sister to entertain him so we are lucky in that respect! It's probably worse for toddlers who need to learn social skills and how to play/share with others.

Yes!!! This is also my second baby and we're not planning any more - I feel really sad I missed out on my last chance to do all those lovely things like baby swimming and baby sensory and pottering about the shops abs treating myself to lunch ins restaurant. We'll never never get this time back. I know it's not awful like for some people but I so understand what you mean.

Yes, had my baby two weeks ago & just distraught that family can't see him...feel like our relationship is under strain too. I just want to go for a coffee with the baby but that's impossible or join a group or anything. I got given a booklet about post natal depression & the ironic thing was all the self help tips are banned at this time, no seeing friends, no groups, no having your mum round 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

allhappeningatonce - if you have a child under one, you can form a support bubble so could you see your mum that way?

I'm glad you wrote this post as I nearly wrote a similar one to reach out to other mums.

My entire maternity leave has been lockdown (baby born in March). I'm starting to find it even more difficult now he is crawling and moving as I just can't entertain him in my living room anymore.

Everything you read is: take them to a farm, visit a library, catch up with friends, walk them round a supermarket and so on.

I know I am very lucky to have a happy healthy baby but he and I are bored stiff and I'm finding it hard to enjoy him the way I should.

Yes I had a baby in summer, it’s really hard. We’ve all missed out on so much. If we hadn’t had our baby I wouldn’t feel as bad not seeing family but hate that everyone is missing her growing up.

Another one here! I had my first baby in July maternity leave was nothing like I hoped and I do feel sad for that.

I do feel lucky for the support bubble thou! DH although working from home he's in an office at the bottom of the garden so the days feel long and seeing my mum and dad once a week makes so much difference .

When my DS was born initially we could go out so I did enjoy some meals out but since Lockdown 2 we have been unable to do anything but walk with one other person.

I had to take DS to hospital yesterday ( he's fine now) and he was totally overwhelmed by new things and it made realise how little of the world our pandemic babies have seen

Same here! I had my first baby in the first lockdown too and go back to work soon it’s just rubbish really I feel like we have missed out on a precious time!
I’d love some mum friends with babies the same age, most of my ‘friends’ have drifted off now or we just have different priorities and interests as I have changed quite a bit.
It did make me sad the other day baby and I stood in front of a mirror and he reached out to himself . I mean I’m sure he is fine he’s a happy boy but I do wish he could have little friends to play ‘with’.

Yes totally feel the same. I had my 2nd baby last April and we had to stay in for 5 days. It was really traumatic being in hospital on our own during a pandemic. He still hasn't met lots of family and friends and it just makes me sad. He knows so little of the world. He seems happy enough though and it's been great having DH working from home but it's been a horrible time to have a baby and I feel really sad for the things we've missed and the times we'll never get back

@GlennRheeismyfavourite Yes same here- not planning to have any more so was really going to make the most of all those things this time Hopefully we’ll still be able to when they’re a little older.

@Crimblecrumble1990 you’re right, it’s so much harder to entertain them when they start crawling! It’s a tricky age when they’re desperate to explore but too small for playgrounds and gardens which is all we have at the moment! Really missing things like softplay and play cafes.

I guess at least everyone is in the same boat and will be keen to make friends when classes and groups open back up!

@waterlane my DS is also an April baby. I was in hospital for 3 nights and it felt like an eternity, 5 days must’ve been so awful on your own.

OP I feel you. I had baby 2 in Jan of last year. Things have been better since going back to work but my DCs first birthday killed me. The crappiest year where I’ve just felt stressed and exhausted and our rubbish ‘party’ of the same 4 of us in our tiny house like every bloody day just felt depressing. A world away from my lovely first maternity leave with friends, coffees, play dates and groups. I have just had to make peace with it and move on otherwise it makes me so sad. You’re not alone

[quote Catscrat]@waterlane my DS is also an April baby. I was in hospital for 3 nights and it felt like an eternity, 5 days must’ve been so awful on your own.[/quote]
It was awful having to stay in. Seeing other mums come and go and ring their husbands saying thank god I can go now. I couldn't bear face timing my daughter as it was the longest we'd ever been apart. Just a horrible time and I was so anxious about covid too. It's put me off having any more children for now and if someone around me is having a baby and talks about being in hospital I find it really triggering. I've got one friend who had a similar experience and I'm so grateful she understands as no one else really gets it. Most people think DH could come in each day for a short time, they just don't get that he wasn't allowed, end of. Even my mum said things like oh well the main thing is the baby's ok which is true of course but it doesn't make it any less shit!

[quote Catscrat]@waterlane my DS is also an April baby. I was in hospital for 3 nights and it felt like an eternity, 5 days must’ve been so awful on your own.[/quote]
I'm like you, I loved going to groups with him and having some normality and now it's back to being stuck in and him literally climbing the walls. I just want to take him to a soft play so he can crawl around or have a friend over for a play date, it's so bloody lonely

@CaughtInTheCovid It’s properly shit when you’ve had a good first time round on mat leave isn’t it! Glad work is helping. I decided not to return to my job as it was super stressful and not worth it financially, but have to admit I’ve been thinking of the office rather wistfully this week- it would be a nice break from the monotony! Hope you can have a extra first birthday celebration with family and friends when lockdown is over.

@waterlane It sounds like you had an awful time of it Does your hospital offer a birth reflection service? I did one a while after my DD was born & found it helped me process things. I think there are going to be a lot of women who are left with trauma/anxiety after pregnancy and birth during this time.
At least the babies are too little to remember any of it- hopefully by the time they’re toddlers there will be places to take them.

Yes its rubbish, my second daughter was born in March. I was very lucky to be in a low level area during the summer, so all the family got to meet her at least once and at least we are now able to have a support bubble, which we do with my parents.
But I feel my family and friends have really missed out, and I'm sad to have not been able to take her to play groups etc.
I hope by her first birthday we will be out of the woods and I will make this next year all about seeing family and friends and making up for it. But you're right, it's definitely hard.

[quote Catscrat]@waterlane It sounds like you had an awful time of it Does your hospital offer a birth reflection service? I did one a while after my DD was born & found it helped me process things. I think there are going to be a lot of women who are left with trauma/anxiety after pregnancy and birth during this time.
At least the babies are too little to remember any of it- hopefully by the time they’re toddlers there will be places to take them.[/quote]
I agree, I think most mums are making the best of it but most friends I speak to have found it very difficult. I did think about trying birth reflections, was it good? Do they just talk through what happened? I guess it would be over zoom at the moment but I think it might be worthwhile. Even the midwife made me anxious during routine appointments, she told me not to take the baby out for walks as it was too dangerous! We have still had some lovely times during this pandemic don't get me wrong, but there is a lot of trauma around the postnatal bit still unfortunately. Hopefully we can celebrate their 1st birthdays properly and enjoy some normality x

I can do relate to this, I had my second child in February and have an older child. I was so looking forward to doing all the baby groups again and get out with the baby while dd1 was at school.
Instead I’ve barely done anything with the baby while struggling with homeschooling.. definitely not what I had in mind for my maternity leave !
It sucks.

@waterlane my reflection was several years ago now so don’t remember it really well, but they went through my hospital notes with me and talked through what happened and why certain decisions were made. I found it helpful as some things were different in reality to how I’d perceived them in my exhausted/out of it state. I also got to talk through how I felt and ask questions. It was a difficult birth, and while I wouldn’t say I was traumatised, it helped me to reflect on it and it felt validating to do it at the hospital with someone who was a third party (not a doctor or midwife) It’s probably not a replacement for counselling if you have deeper trauma to work through but could be a starting point? Your midwife sounds a bit extreme with the no walks thing no wonder you were anxious!

@Adelais it’s so hard trying to do homeschooling at the same time as running after a baby, isn’t it?! Can’t give either him or DD the attention they need.

It’s awful I had my baby in summer and was lured into a false sense of security of things getting back to some sort of normality. I had a baby shower, family visited after the baby was born, we went out to baby groups and managed 2 little seaside breaks in Sept and Oct and while it wasn’t normal it was as close as I was expecting ( we were tier 1 until December!) then December hit and now it feels like we are back to square one and I am so anxious that things won’t get that much better before I return to work.

I am just clinging onto the hope that spring/summer will be much better but I do feel like new mums have really been robbed of their maternity leave especially for those only planning on having once child or are on what is their last mat leave.