How can I stay sane in this situation?

[carlaCox]

The backstory is that I moved to a new city shortly before the pandemic and don't know anyone here. I live with my partner and he's got a couple of friends in the area but they're his friends, not mine. When we were in tier 3 I would go for a walk with him and a couple of his mates so had some sort of social life. Now we're back in lockdown and I'm stuck on my own WFH. The only person I speak to IRL (apart from my partner) is the postman or the people at the supermarket checkout!

I don't know how many more weeks I can do this for without losing my sanity. Any ideas?!

Can't you phone or video call your old friends? I do know people locally but as I can't actually see any of them, it makes no difference to not having any iyswim. Don't wish to sound harsh, but you're in precisely the same position as anyone who wfh. I realised yesterday that I was excited about going to the GP as it was actually seeing a person IRL! Even if it's on your own, I'd suggest going for a walk daily as it does improve your mood (and you get to see the odd other person, depending on where you're walking).

If you want to make friends locally, have you tried meetup or facebook groups? Lot of things going on virtually at the moment.

Yes @RedskyBynight has it. I don't see my friends in the village anymore. We WhatsApp. They could be a continent away for all it shows. You need a structure around wah. And virtual/online social connections

Yeah I'm chatting to friends online but I'm not sure it really works for me. I feel so empty only being able to message and talk over the phone.

Don't wish to sound harsh, but you're in precisely the same position as anyone who wfh.

Everyone I know who is WFH is able to see people in pairs i.e. going for a walk with a friend or even standing at the end of their mum's driveway for a chat. Realistically it's going to be months before I see anyone face to face who's not my partner and it feels so isolating. I also work in a job where I work on my own so don't even have any online interaction with people during the day.

I guess I was looking for anyone else in the same situation who has figured out a way to interact with more people in real life? I'd be happy to do some volunteering, or some sort of outdoor activity, anything really! Maybe the loneliness will finally force me back to the dentist!

For context, the last time I saw any friends in real life was September last year (they're all in London). So it's been a while!

Have you researched and planned things you intend to do, join and visit in your new city once this is over? I’ve relocated several times and could spend hours upon hours doing that.

I’d also spend the extra time getting your new home completely straight and organised as you want it, decorated too maybe. It’s a better chance than we ever normally get to completely straighten our homes out and catch up with all the little jobs. Stick your favourite music or old films on in the background and get stuck in. Organise your wardrobe, sort out all the drawers of crap, do his and hers bathroom cabinets. All the little jobs.

The other thing I’ve been doing (I’m WFH and only have PT hours at the moment) is reading my book backlog.

Basically all the stuff you never quite get round to in normal life. If you can keep busy the time drags less.

Online chats. Online live course like yoga etc? Online events. Get out and exercise. Plan to do anything you don’t normally have time to - eg books, cooking. Plan what you will do when this is over. All the usual stuff - you just have to do it. And if you are really struggling then online coaching or therapy. Lots off people are actually living alone, and have to do all this w/out a partner at home. Or they have no time for all this because home educating kids as well as working.

Thanks Ricki. You're right that it's better to keep busy and I am super busy with work. I guess I just feel really lonely. I was even wondering about asking one of my partner's friend's girlfriends (who I barely know) to go on a walk with me as I just feel like I'm craving social interaction. But I guess the awkwardness of it is holding me back. Still, desperate times!

I was even wondering about asking one of my partner's friend's girlfriends (who I barely know) to go on a walk with me as I just feel like I'm craving social interaction. But I guess the awkwardness of it is holding me back. Still, desperate times!

Well why not? If being new in town in the middle of a pandemic isn’t a good enough double reason to do things slightly outside of the social norms, what is?

Thanks everyone for the suggestions. Sorry if this sounds like a whinge. I know lots of us are in the same boat or in a much worse situation. That's why I was hoping for some practical tips from others who are also battling the isolation. I'm doing online yoga but the one I do no one really chats, it's just yoga! So I might look into online courses or support groups or something like that.

Well why not? If being new in town in the middle of a pandemic isn’t a good enough double reason to do things slightly outside of the social norms, what is?

I think that was the kick up the bum I needed, thank you! I will message one of them today and see what happens. Maybe I'll look up a fun local walking tour or something so it's added incentive for her to say yes!

Our village had a ‘Covid Aid’ website and people locally ask for and give assistance to other locals. It’s been going since March and apart from the occasional annoying post from the Avon lady MLM, it’s been very useful to people. Have a look and see if there is something similar?

Thing to remember is even with friends you risk a knock back during current climate; just because it's permitted to meet in pairs a lot of my fruends are either wary of meeting anyone or working in a different pattern to me, or are prioritising their family for any free time or contact they have. Ask the mate's girlfriend. She's as likely to be willing as anyone

Ok I've got her number and I've just messaged her. I'm now also researching local advanced yoga courses which are virtual but include some one-to-one teaching so it's more interactive. Thanks everyone for the suggestions, I actually feel better about this already.

I have noticed even real-life friends don't want to meet as much, when it involved tramping round a local park in the cold. I don't think you are missing out much. I've seen one friend for a 45 min walk since Christmas.

Everyone I know who is WFH is able to see people in pairs i.e. going for a walk with a friend or even standing at the end of their mum's driveway for a chat

We're only meant to be meeting other people for exercising. And at the moment it is dark by the end of the normal working day and it's cold all the time and wet a lot of the time. Everyone I know (with the exception of dog walkers or really keen exercisers) is not seeing anyone. I walk round the block (it's flooded near me and nowhere else to go) for 20 minutes at lunch time just to get me out of the house. There are a huge number of wfh people who see no one else, just like you.

I haven't seen anyone since 28 December, which was my birthday. I live on my own so yes it can be lonely. I just chat with friends or come on here to see how other pp are doing, which helps. On my FB feed, I'm always getting invites for online events like meditation etc. I'm not a big fan of online events really as it still feels like I'm sitting on the sofa on my own! Some pp organize zoom pub quizzes, that might be something you could try? I often watch tv shows whilst following the conversation on Twitter which makes me feel connected to others.

I know that volunteers are needed to call people at home, is that something you would have time to do?

Basically it sucks but the thing that helps me is knowing that I'm not going through this alone even if I am actually alone, if that makes sense!

Have you looked at MeetUp in your local area? Obviously there won't be any in person events right now but you'd at least be able to start connecting with local people with common interests.

@Destinysdaughter sorry you're stuck on your own. It's bloody rubbish isn't it. I'm doing a Zoom chat for a friend's birthday this evening so I've got that to look forward to which is great.

And yes, hearing from other people in the same boat is making me feel less alone. Thanks for all the kind suggestions.

Yes it is hard. An acquaintance had a zoom birthday party last night and I was a bit meh about going but I thought no, make an effort. So I did my hair, make up etc and really enjoyed seeing pp dancing in their rooms at home, it really cheered me up!

This is the sort of thing I get sent on FB

www.onecommune.com/the-summit-of-your-life-sign-up?fbclid=IwAR0MBStGWyGzxvD8bA2qA16lsn3szj0SRthd2rJySRPZNekZSYyCyaYL7wo