Asking for a vulnerable child place

[Gardenista]

My friend suffers from ptsd and depression . She is a lone parent to a 7 year old (year 3) father abroad and my involved. She Moved back the uk 2 years and so has little friendship or family support. My friend has not made any friendships with the other school parents so no support there. in the last 2 weeks homeschooling has got the the point where she can’t sleep, isn’t washing and really struggling. She lost her job in the first lockdown so her daughter receives pupil
Premium, she has no special educational
Needs but is behind in some areas.

I have suggested to her that she contacts the school to see if it would be possible for her daughter to attend as a vulnerable child for one or 2 days a week to give her some respite. She is concerned that if she does this the school will involve social services.

She is really struggling and due to Covid restrictions I can’t have her daughter to give her some time to herself, her only family is her elderly mother who won’t see the daughter. On a good day I can talk to my friend on the phone but on a bad day she won’t answer and isolates.

Wild the school class her daughter as vulnerable because of these circumstances and allow her to attend? I think she would benefit from the structure and routine and a break from home? Any ideas on help she could access?

I definitely think she should ask school if they have space for her child, even if it was only part time. I wouldn't even ask for it to be temporary. Can you help her to write a suitable email?

Yes, I can help her write an email. She first have a great relationship with the clas teacher but she does have a good relationship with the school secretary so she left a voicemail yesterday asking the school secretary to phone her. I think she would rather do it by phone than email as she’s anxious that social services will be called. I have tried to reassure her that social services are very busy and she won’t meet the threshold for them to be called (she does struggle when depressed to keep the house clean and laundry and meals done)

School might contact social services but this isn't a bad thing. She is struggling in a difficult situation and would be asking for help and social services may be able to provide extra support. I can understand why she is reluctant but there is no shame in doing something that is putting her child first - which is what she would be doing.

But her child is clothes and fed and most importantly very much loved. And I will help with dropping off groceries/ a take way /bit of laundry as she doesn’t drive

@Gardenista

But her child is clothes and fed and most importantly very much loved. And I will help with dropping off groceries/ a take way /bit of laundry as she doesn’t drive

Social services isn't there to punish or take her child away. They're there to offer support and they can refer to support services if required.

I think she should apply for a place for her child’s sake. I also think that (if you are able to) you could perhaps have her daughter over sometimes despite restrictions on the basis of caring for a vulnerable person. Maybe that would help everyone a bit. Also could she not be in a bubble with you maybe if she is a single parent?

Even if social services are involved, that doesn’t mean they will take the child away. That really is a last resort and they would implement many things before that happens.

From what you say, the mother is trying her best, the child is fed and loved, so no neglect or abuse going on, it’s the mUm struggling to cope that’s the issue. I’d ask the school for a place. It’s far better for them to act Now, than risk the situation getting worse and then social services would need to be involved because the situation has reached crisis point.

I can’t be in a bubble with her as I’m in a bubble with my own sister who i see several times a week - that contact needs to continue for my own child’s benefit, as my own daughter had massively struggled with not seeing her relatives.
My friend is willing to go on a socially distanced walk with me but I’m not even sure we are allowed to do that as we will each have our daughters with us.

Can she not bubble with you as a single parent. Also you are allowed to provide care for mental health reasons. I personally dont think school is the best place for anyone atm

This is a difficult one. It depends on the school.
In most schools in order to get a place, she would need to demonstrate that her child is vulnerable. You really should not tell her that school won't involve social services, they might. Where I work, they wouldn't, they probably offer a place and keep a close eye. It would be logged as a concern but wouldn't merit a referral. It probably won't meet the threshold for involvement but the school will monitor her dd and pass on any concerns. To try and access a place, she could write or phone and say that she is a single parent struggling with depression and would like a place for her daughter part time. I suppose the numbers in school and the inclination of the person making the decision would be factors. It won't be the school secretary's decision.

Wouldn’t meet the threshold for a social services referral in my area and we would offer that child a place in school.

Maybe SS and her GP could offer some support as school isn’t going to resolve those issues of not eating, sleeping etc.

In our area schools would dontheir best to support but may also ass over to ss to ensure that there was support for out of school as well. Your friend sounds like she needs more help than just having her daughter in school and it's important she is supported, not punished by various agencies. Please do support her to get in touch with the school.

It won’t go any harm to ask the school as the worst thing is they do no and then she’s no worse off. I doubt social services would get involved at all on this as their threshold is very high so other people saying that social services will offer support I think that’s very unlikely especially at the minute

I would encourage her to speak to school. I would also try and get her to speak to her GP to see if he can signpost/refer for extra support for her mental health.
School may well offer her a place as the break may help your friend with her mental health. And I wouldn't worry about social care, they offer support if anything. I work with families where substance misuse is involved and they try their hardest to keep the children with their families.

The school secretary isn’t the one to speak to here-she needs to speak to the head.

If she isn’t coping with a child despite being at home, they may well inform SS in order to seek advice. They might consider it a ‘child in need’ situation. If she still isn’t washing or sleeping, it will be useful for the school to be able to monitor this so the child taking a school place will probably be encouraged.

My friend is receiving mental health support but it’s just medication. She has a history of childhood trauma and has had a lot of therapy she’s paid for herself when she was earning well. I don’t think she’s likely to get much more mental health support .
Her relationship with her mother is strained and the mother threatens her that social services hence the fear that her child will be removed.
I do think having her child in school will reduce my friend’s anxiety. And also having to walk the 3 miles round trip to drop off and pick up (she doesn’t drive and no buses) will
help my friend and her daughter giving structure to their day and routine . Would gRemoving the stress of home schooling might help her to sleep and the school run would force her to wash

The problem she may have is that if she just says she is struggling and doesn’t give all the detail youve put the school may turn round and say it’s hard for everyone at the minute