Anyone else sharing home school with a Disney parent

[HotCupOfNo]

First lockdown I did all homeschool.

This time sharing it 50/50 with ex, which I thought would be absolutely wonderful and give me a much needed break. However it turns out that when my 9 year old doesn't want to work at his other parents he doesn't have to, and so I am now the worst person in the world as I am setting boundaries.

We've got full blown tears, shouting, insistence from
him that he's allowed to watch tv all day because he's 'tired'. I started off homeschool last week and it was fine, he was fab. Now he's a monster.

Relationship with ex is already dreadful and we are low contact. I don't know how this is going to work. Help!

Yes @MRex there is definitely a difference on the days we exercise that's a good shout

My ds school is contacting parents of children not engaging in home learning, it’s expected that they do 3 hours of online learning a day. I would email his teacher and confirm the care schedule so that they contact your ex about the lack of work. It might shame him into encouraging your dc to do some work. Like pp said the teacher will quickly notice a pattern & document.

I have a ten year old, also a single parent and have a full-time job. Ex has not offered to help and given how hard it is day to day, I don’t think I could cope with the extra stress because he has very little actual experience of parenting (he does not live near us). I agree with a lot of what NoOneownstherainbow says about breaking down tasks, looking for alternative ways to frame tasks, taking breaks and giving him som ownership of the bits he can do without support. My problem is that the bits he can do without support are minimal (he has autistic traits and is quite demand avoidant, plus, he just wants someone with him to encourage and support). So I am up and down the stairs like a yo-yo.

None of the resolves the problem of what to do about alternative weeks nothing being done.

There are a couple of ways of looking at it:

1. As people have said, let the school know which parent is responsible when and then concentrate on your section, which enables you at least some time to do your own job properly.

However, this week my son has done new concepts in maths which he found challenging but he go to in the end. Next week I imagine they will be consolidating this. So missing a week could be problematic for your son to keep up.

1. Accept that all responsible parenting is falling to you and say no schooling, no weekday contact, just Friday to Sunday EOW and maybe one day after schoolwork is done. However, give your ex notice that you plan to do this if he does not step up, because you cannot make up the additional week with your son every other week. That is not fair on your son or you. I have my fair share of difficult situations with my ex, but you need to look at what is most manageable for you and your son.

I would explain the situation to the school; I have done in the past (about issues with school work and ExH) and they were very nice and out it. I was polite but a bit blunt about the situation - it was his own behaviour that made him look crappy.

DS (8, also year 4) has been struggling hugely with concentration. His OT has recomended a movement break (of something that involves movement in lines, no circles! Circles aparently hype up the brain) between every focused task we do. It has helped a lot.

I have had to do “if she’s done work on paper with you can you upload it, Mrs X has asked to see it”. I also contacted the school to let them know what days she is with who.

Definitely small chunks, and I get the computer ready first thing and let her know it’s there when she wants to check what today’s work is. Very low pressure, but lots and lots and LOTS of praise when she does get things done.

Mine missed a live lesson “because I was tired so spent the day in bed”

Her diet there is terrible, take aways and constant junk so it’s hard when she comes home and we are eating more healthily. I try to involve her in cooking, give her some say over what meals will be. Better breakfasts (ie not McDonald’s delivered by Uber eats!) makes a massive difference.

It’s a hard slog but consistency and largely ignoring the tantrums helps. Having said that mine is currently throwing a strop as I said no to crisps at 9.30am!

Herja that is really interesting because my DS is a sensory seeker, so taking him to the park where there is a swing which goes in circles actually helps him feel calmer, as does twirling around although he does that less now he is older. It used to amaze me that he never got dizzy.

Ok thanks everyone. I'm going to email his form tutor and explain what days he is where.

To be honest I'm just waiting for my ex to come up with an excuse for not being able to continue, I think it's been a shock to both of them. He often is 'unwell' or has a flare up of a health condition when he wants to wiggle out of something.

I find myself explaining to my son as to why I'm having to set boundaries with school work as I feel so insecure about being the bad guy - he thinks the sun absolutely shines out of ex's arsehole. He doesn't care and just thinks I'm the worst. He's asked for more time homeschooling with dad which I'm just gutted about.

@KatySun it's really odd! DS runs in circles to calm down when he's hyper, but he becomes so wound up by (while also focussed in on) the circular running he can't stop it without upset. So, he stops bouncing off the walls and misbehaving, but then needs to circle run without stopping instead. Line running meant he stopped bouncing off the walls, but could then also stop running and start a task.