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Covid

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Original poster

Only child and lockdown, advice please

22 replies

MilkInMyCereal · 14/01/2021 13:36

I appreciate this is not a big problem compared to what some people are dealing with right now but I wanted to know if anyone is in a similar situation and what they are doing to socialise their child?

My son is 7. I have got him a Minecraft account and Roblox, I've tried to connect him to his school mates but most parents have said they don't allow it because the games are 12+

I've tried with my best friend to connect her two sons to mine but she keeps saying she will try tomorrow...

I feel like I'm constantly begging people to play with my child online. I do lots with him and try to be everything for him but he hasn't spoken to another child in real life since the 18th December and hardly even talked online to another child either. Feel so incredibly sad that he's missing out...

What makes it worse is we've been trying to conceive for three years so I feel like I've utterly failed to provide him a sibling during this isolated time.

OP posts:

Original poster

MilkInMyCereal · 14/01/2021 13:43

Wanted to add please, if anyone has any advice on how to maintain socialisation right now?

We play board games, go running together, bake, draw together but is that enough? Feeling guilty....

OP posts:

OverTheRainbow88 · 14/01/2021 13:45

Aw it’s so tough.

Can you arrange to meet a school friend and a parent in a local playground? The kids can play and you can socially distance,

Porcupineintherough · 14/01/2021 13:46

I'm not sure you'll find this helpful but my advice would be relax. I sincere doubt your son is suffering a quarter as much as you about this.

You have not failed him. Not by not providing a sibling, not by not securing some online company for him.

A good friend of mine once spent a year confined to bed with tb. She was about 7 or 8 and this was in the early 50s so no tv/internet etc, not even a phone. In that year she saw no one except her mother and went nowhere except to bathroom. Was it the best year of her life - absolutely not (although she did learn some French and how to knit). But she got better and went back to school, had friends again and pretty much lived happily ever after. She was ok. Your ds will be too.

LadyCatStark · 14/01/2021 13:48

Definitely organise a socially distanced walk. Only children have been totally forgotten in all this. A single parent can form a bubble but a single child can’t.

Crockof · 14/01/2021 13:57

Please don't take this the wrong way as I'm not being mean but your friend isn't deliberately being mean by saying tomorrow, she is just caught up in her own issues. I have four and people keep asking me to link up with their kids online but I can't, the balance between making sure everyone does their school work, devices are shared, doing my work and everything else means I don't have any time to facilitate other people's children. It's a hard time for everyone

Gardenista · 14/01/2021 14:04

Do you have any other children in your extended family/friendship group? if they are older they may find it easier to converse online. My 5 year old likes to speak online to her best friend who is a year older. None of their other friends who are 5 or 6 are interested. We did manage a solitary game of guess who with one other 5 year old.

We have had some success with group scavenger hunts. all her activities are on zoom but she's not interested.

If you could find a fellow only child could you try and arrange a playdate via zoom? My daughter does crafts with her friend via zoom and they also watch tv "together". Lots of parents don't like video games but might be willing to do something else - like playing lego together on zoom, cooking together on zoom, singing, playing hangman - especially if you facilitate it

huuskymam · 14/01/2021 14:07

Has he been asking you to contact them about playing online. My 10 year old is quite happy to play alone most of the time, though he does has a few school friends and cousins online. I was constantly worried that he wasn't playing with anyone but he's happy enough so I leave him to it.

Rose4578 · 14/01/2021 14:30

As a parent it’s natural to worry, I have a 6 year old only child. We took her out of school during the first lockdown. I initially worried about the same thing but honestly kids are resilient and easily pleased. As long as he feels safe, secure and happy that’s all that matters. The most my 6 year old gets is contact from older cousin (30 years old) and older aunts. Those with more than one child will be juggling homeschooling and general life so everyone is trying to work at their own pace. This probably makes it harder for people to commit. I’ve planned for video call from friends in a week or so but the last time was October 2020. I’m not an expert but a teacher myself, main thing kids need is love and attention. In the meantime you could look into live online lessons with groups maybe.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/01/2021 14:48

@huuskymam

Mine is the same. Although she does have pets which I think helps.

healthymaxine · 14/01/2021 14:54

The best thing that has helped my kids during lockdown has been these kids mindfulness classes that are free. My kids are so much calmer after them.

There is one tomorrow at 8.30am on Instagram live @thehealthylivingstore - highly recommend trying!

RuleWithAWoodenFoot · 14/01/2021 15:13

We've arranged for playing in the park and walks with friends. One of us adults goes, we take two children. We stay away from the other child. All the adults are working from home. If it's OK for kids in school not to be socially distancing, then it's OK for only children to be not socially distancing outside too.

Verrucapepper · 14/01/2021 15:39

Oh I feel for you, we are the same. DS now has a headset and Fortnite so he can chat to others, DH played for a few weeks to ‘vet’ the friends he chats with and drops in on the games still to check all is ok.
Am looking for some interactive fun sessions online (school are being rather crap IMHO as not doing any live/interactive learning) ... and think I may end up with a tutor once a week but at £30 an hour it’s not cheap. Tutorful have a list of tutors.
There’s some fun virtual science lessons but they only run a couple weeks, think it was ‘Sciencedipity’?
Some Cubs run a virtual fortnightly group.
No other parents I’ve spoken to are happy to meet as unsure if it’s in the spirit of the rules...
It’s so hard when you have to WFH FT too, be easy on yourself and DS. Don’t feel guilty, none of it is your fault especially fertility.

Crocadilla · 14/01/2021 19:32

I'll see if I can find some links but if you're on FB, there are some groups, generally home education groups that might let you join if you plead with them as many of them have minecraft/roblox home ed servers or chat groups for kids. Just a thought.

DumplingsAndStew · 14/01/2021 19:34

Have you tried to contact any of the families of his friends from school? They may be more open to phone calls or video chats since they actually know him/you.

Original poster

MilkInMyCereal · 14/01/2021 22:59

Than you for all the replies. I really appreciated them.

OverTheRainbow88 Would love to get my son together with some mates in the park but DH is vulnerable so don't think it's a good idea...definitely when restrictions ease it will be the first thing we do though!

allhealthymaxine Thank you, I will check out the mindfullness classes for him

Gardenista Thank you for making some excellent points. Our son does have cousins who are 12 and 13, I agree it is much easier for them to play Roblox as they take the lead. Also, I really like the suggestion of playing hangman on zoom, I will ask some parents about this!

Porcupineintherough Your reply has given me A LOT of comfort. Thank you, I did need to hear this

LadyCatStark A socially distanced walk is a nice idea, I will consider this with DH as we do want to follow the rules (particularly as DH is vulnerable) but will check if it's in them! Thank you

Crockof I also needed to hear this, because I've been feeling very annoyed with my best friend and abandoned...so what you are saying puts it in perspective...she's juggling multiple kids needs while I'm dealing with an isolated and bored child, both difficult in their own way

huuskymam I think you're right, I'm worrying more than him, he hasn't specifically asked to play with friends but he's asked me to play Roblox with him and it's difficult when I've got work to get on with but I don't want to leave him on his own playing it either. But I think you're right he's not half as bothered about playing on his own than I am! In fact he seems fine most of the time!

Rose4578 Thank you so much for your reply, your reply has given me a lot of comfort, I think I needed to hear this, that as parents we are enough, and that our love will keep them going till normality returns, so thank you

MrsTerryPratchett Pets are wonderful for only children, he has hamsters which he loves

allRuleWithAWoodenFoot As soon as we can we will definitely be arranging this, DH is vulnerable so we have to be careful right now but when it's safe to do so for sure

allVerrucapepper Thank you for your understanding and kindness. It's good to hear that I'm not the only one who feels like this but I wish none of us did. Sending strength for us both

Crocadilla Thank you

DumplingsAndStew Thanks for this, I'm going to pursue more parents in his class, I'm sure one will reply positively.

Thank you for all your comments, you really have made me feel less alone and given me lots to think about.

OP posts:

cautiouscovidity · 14/01/2021 23:07

@OverTheRainbow88

Aw it’s so tough.

Can you arrange to meet a school friend and a parent in a local playground? The kids can play and you can socially distance,

That's not allowed (I'm assuming you and / or OP are in England - apologies if not). One person can meet one other person from outside the household only, no groups (and kids do count in making up the numbers).

OP - as hard as it is, I wouldn't want a 7 year old having unsupervised access to online chat / gaming. Fortnight and Roblox would be a big no for us (not suitable for that age group IMO). That could be why parents aren't coming back to you.

OverTheRainbow88 · 15/01/2021 07:04

@cautiouscovidity

Well the kids are old enough to run around playing together in a playground, parents watch from afar.... that’s 2 people exercising together.

Complete social isolation from other kids is more dangerous to these children than potentially getting covid- which is very low risk outside anyway.

I would be meeting and am meeting my kids friends outside and letting them all play together whilst I socially distance from the parent and have a chat.

cautiouscovidity · 15/01/2021 07:40

@OverTheRainbow88 I very much doubt that 7 year olds are good at social distancing when playing together in a park though (my 9 and 10 year olds can't manage it - they forget when engrossed in play). Hence the rules are no outdoors socialising but one person can meet one other person to take part in exercise - they know that this would exclude young kids as they can't meet a friend alone.
I agree with you that the risk to a healthy 7 year old from Covid is slim to nothing, but they can still pass it on to others. Little Jonny can give it to his mum, who'll unknowingly spread it to people in the supermarket when she goes shopping just before becoming symptomatic. Or maybe his Dad works with the elderly, or visits his frail granny (as a social bubble) and so on... If each family doing this is also meeting up with other families for park visits throughout the week, the risk is increased further as multiple kids could have mixed in various combinations.
With such a high infection rate at the moment, we all need to do our bit to stop it, hence the need for lockdown and the rules that go with it. What if everyone bent the rules a bit here and there? Please don't be selfish. I get it's tough, but the quicker we all comply, the quicker we'll come out the other side.

12098s · 15/01/2021 07:44

I dint allow my 8 year old to play video games online but he does like to video WhatsApp his class mates so they do that every week. Took a while for them to actually talk but they now spend an hour of so chatting and playing games on a group chat. The conversation is pretty random but he loves it. May be try that?

Manteo · 15/01/2021 07:57

My 6 year old only child DD plays games online with friends and does some of of her extra curriculars via Zoom. Is that an option? I know of kids doing things like dance/drama/martial arts via zoom.

Manteo · 15/01/2021 08:02

Do you have a school parents Facebook group or WhatsApp group? You could ask if some kids want to meet on zoom. Probably need to arrange an activity for them to do together.

Is the school not organising anything live?

OverTheRainbow88 · 15/01/2021 08:35

These threads just don’t seem to match every day life.

At the playground yesterday I left as even for me it felt busy, and no one is not allowing their kids to play together. In fact, I left as I’m pretty sure there was a birthday party there as about 20 kids and could only see 2 parents.

But 1-1 play outside not socially distancing is a risk I’m willing to take.

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