When will things get better? Babies first birthday has broken me

[CaughtInTheCovid]

I was coping ok, I had come to terms with the fact that my third mat leave was horrendous. Come to terms with being back in work and trying to juggle childcare, wfh, baby and toddler in part time nursery. Understand the need for the restrictions and feel so sad for the nhs.

But my DS turned 1 3 days ago and I’ve just broken since. I spent the day looking back at photos of the year and from 3 months old it’s just me and DH looking exhausted holding him and me looking like I’m about to cry (PND). Those first few weeks I’m happy, smiling, friends and family holding Ds helping with DC and enjoying life and come March it’s just over.

I looked back on previous DC first birthdays. Smiles, little parties at home, family, hugs. This year the five of us cramped house no new toys as skint from Christmas, previous furlough and financial worries. I struggled to even smile all day. When I I’ll wear have parties again? When can he go to soft play for the first time? Baby groups? He doesn’t say a word or barely babbles and I’m sure it’s the lack of interaction. I do try so hard at home. I miss my family they’re so supportive but live far away.

Sorry should say when will we have parties.

Caught, I feel for you. Think on this though, the end is in sight...your beautiful baby is too young to ever have any memories of this difficult time and when summer comes we will hopefully be on the way to normality. There are better days ahead!

Her next birthday and hopefully every one after will he full of happiness, joy and family memories.

This is a tough patch, you're finding it understandably hard but you're doing it like a boss! (Even if it doesn't feel this way right now).

You will be ok xx

Baby humans are amazingly robust. He'll be fine, you sound like you're doing a wonderful job.

though, and maybe some and a and some

It is hard! I am on mat leave too but not due back until September thankfully. Were you able to get out and about over summer? Just try and focus on the next big event or plan for a celebration in the summer to make up for a lockdown first birthday. Things will get better but I completely agree that some days it really feels like it won’t x

Aw. You poor thing. It gets on top of all of us sometimes and especially when it is to do with our DC.

It will all be alright. Your DC will have a lovely second birthday.

And he will grow up in a world where people have a new appreciation of the important things in life! Valuable!

It’s really hard @CaughtInTheCovid.

My baby was 4.5 months at the start of the last lockdown. Now she is at a completely different stage20 months later and we are still in lockdown.

It makes it feel much less like a temporary thing when you think how much of your dc3’s life has been spent in lockdown.

I feel the same, OP. It's my DD's 1st birthday today and I've had an underlying sadness all day. She's this awesome human being, yet outside of our four walls, noone knows her and she doesn't know anyone.

I know in the grand scheme of things it isn't important and she won't remember etc etc. But I still feel sad.

I'm the same. I was talking to someone from a baby group and realised ds hasn't met another child his age in his whole life. (He has a brother and sister) It really brought it home for me. I cant wait for this to end.

Thanks all and thanks for being kind. I know it’ll get better I keep reminding myself but every time the end of in sight a spanner gets thrown in the works doesn’t it.

I did try to get out in summer but we are in the NW and haven’t been allowed to go into peoples houses since this whole thing started I think! We have been tier 3 and above forever. Im starting to forget what life was like before to be honest.

Yes I feel exactly the same, I had my baby during the first lockdown in April and I have days and nights where its all I think about. It makes me so so sad. Meant to be back at work in 2 weeks and I'm absolutely gutted. I know there are people much much worse off than me so I say nothing but I'm glad u all feel the same.

You’re not alone, OP. Had similar feelings today. Popped to the pharmacy for some teething stuff for DS 6 months and the lovely lady serving us started to coo over him and talk to him and said ‘ahh, you can’t see I’m smiling behind this mask can you’ and I replied ‘it’s all he’s ever known’ and I felt so, so sad. Hopefully there’s light at the end of the tunnel and happy birthday to your little one

@Cloud1220 💔 it’s those little moments isn’t it. I know it’s crap for everyone but it’s when you worry about the impact on your babies that it really gets to you.

I feel similar to you OP. DD has just turned 11 months and so has spent most of her life in lockdown or living with severe restrictions. We've missed out on doing so much that I had planned for what is likely to be my first and last maternity leave (history of unexplained infertility followed by miscarriages after suddenly being able to get pregnant). I feel disappointed and robbed of all the things a mother would normally do with their baby in their first year. As well as only joining baby groups for a very limited time due to lockdowns and tier 4 so really missed out there she has also missed out on the normal big extended family celebrations and events like Easter, her Baptism, family birthdays, holidays abroad and in the UK, Christmas and New Year and now her first birthday in mid February will be in lockdown and her first Chinese New Year will be like Christmas, just the 3 of us with no extended family. Her baptism was limited to the rule of 6 and the photos of the few of us have us all wearing face masks. She hates face masks and cries when people wearing them talk to her and tries to rip mine off me. I haven't made the mum friends like I hoped I would because of all the restrictions and not meeting as many people and those I have met we've not been able to meet like we want so I feel quite isolated. Professional support in the first few months was non-existent which make having a newborn harder than it should be - I had to really fight to get referrals, appointments and advice.

It all makes me cry and I just feel so sad about it. I know I should be grateful for what I have as DD is incredible and how lucky I am (I have a job to go back to and DH being a keyworker has a job) but I can't help mourning what should have been.

I'm hoping her second Christmas will be normal and as soon as we're allowed I'm going to throw her a massive party to make up for the lack of parties for her baptism and first birthday. For now though I'm planning as good a first birthday celebration as I can under the circumstances.

Sending love and hugs to everyone feeling the same

Gosh it is hard and I do really feel for you. My youngest is 6 and I try not to there, but I hardly got to know anyone in reception before the pandemic started. No parties, no Christmas treats, no soft play either here but unlike you, dd has done some things before covid hit.

I am debating the reat of her party dresses this week. I ebayed most of her wardrobe last year as she goes no where so only needs two outfits ( she has lots still but 90% of it never gets worn).
It's all so sad. I'm getting used to going no where but I feel for the kids

@InDreamland ah I'm so sorry its crap but especially if it your first and only. You will make all the friends and do all the stuff (maybe even more as everyone will be so desperate to make those connections when this is over!). It is just that feeling of time you won't get back. And everyone who says one day it will be distant memory is so right but its still hard and lonely and monotonous. My 3 year olds behaviour has gone downhill recently and I'm sure its the constant changing of 'the rules' etc that they don't understand but have to follow which doesn't help.

I understand as I have a baby who is one next month. She spent most of her first month in hospital and then the day after release lockdown came. She's seen pretty much no one at all - my mum and dad met her in hospital and have seen her a couple of times since. I don't have friends and know no one with a baby so she hasn't mixed.
I'm stuck inside trying to work from home while also doing full time childcare which means really long hours and misery for me. My DP works very long shifts (emergency services) so I feel like I never leave the house or see anyone.
I don't worry much for my baby as she seems ok, just a shame she can't mix as I think it's affecting her speech etc. I mainly worry for my own mental health - I never get a break and my life is made hell by nightmare neighbours. If this goes on for much longer I know I won't be able to cope.
I won't be having a second child so this has all been a horrible experience. Maternity leave ruined by being ill for months then locked down and not being able to do anything - it's been a massive waste and really has ruined the entire experience.
I don't have much family and a couple of older members are on their last legs so won't meet my baby before they pass away.