I'm not coping

[ohhellmytoe]

I felt like we coped really well last time there was school closure.

This time I'm not coping at all. Teams is a nightmare. Some work being emailed. Some put on Teams. Other work on Go 4 School.

DS not turning up to all his classes. Refusing to do some of it, refusing to engage in any work. He has ADHD and a horrible temper. My own work is so busy. I'm a single parent and I feel like I'm drowning.

The dog is barely being walked because I don't have time. He is miserable and crying at me.

Just feel tearful and miserable all the time and I'm not coping.

How old is your son?

sorry you are feeling so bad OP. I have no advice really other than a completely trite suggestion that a cup of tea sometimes makes things even a teeny tiny bit better! Xx

Honestly, prioritise walking the dog with your son. You will all feel a bit better.

Im currently in hospital with Covid, just keep going, anything is better than this!

As a PP said, take the dog and your DS out for regular walks. The fresh air will do you all good. You mustn't neglect your dog due to work. Your DS may well feel more able to do his work after being outside too.

Right there with you, adhd son aged 12. Huge angry hideous meltdown today, we are not doing teams anymore, can't face it. DS2 (9) not able to get work done due to the meltdowns. Have asked for DS2 to be in school if possible. You have my full sympathy

I’ll echo prioritising the dog for exactly the same reasons as other posters.

Can you take some time off homeschooling? There’s plenty of time to catch up and work through half term if necessary. I feel like removing an element of battling will let you and your ds regroup.

You sound so stressed, it’s all just so hard isn’t it? You can do this but not all in one go. Break it down into what you can do and don’t try and force anything that isn’t working to happen. Your ds has a lot of time to catch up, there’s no point in battling over things that won’t end up achieving anything even if you get him to finally do them.

I’m presuming your work isn’t approachable/flexible?

Sorry you are having such a rubbish time. Our school have phoned up today, and said if you are struggling, the kids are having a bad day, or mental health is bad. Prioritise English, and leave everything else. (It may be different with your school) also echo what everyone else says walk the dog. We have been going for walks everyday. It has really helped.

Oh thanks all.

@GoldenPoppy I'm so sorry to hear that. Get well soon 

My son is 13. 14 later this year. Refuses to come for a walk with me. I totally lost the plot earlier (worst thing I could have done!) and have removed his Xbox until things start getting done.

Teachers are sending him shouty-toned emails with lots of exclamation marks about how it's not good enough that he's not attending lessons/not doing homework.

We've had a letter from school emphasising they MUST do their work and they MUST adhere to the school's behaviour policies at all times and blah blah blah. No consideration for mental health.

And work... it's year end. There's no leeway, I get that. But no "how are you doing/work when you can/do what you've got to do" messages like last time. I'm one of the only ones not in the office. I'm expected to work at full capacity in my normal working hours and it just isn't possible.

Just feel totally at breaking point.

You are not alone. Be kind to yourself.

How old is your DS? I’m asking as I had a tough time in my country’s multiple, brutal lockdowns for many months last year.

It’s just impossible to cope as a single parent. I let all the schoolwork go and just walked my dog alone a little each day (had no energy to get the DCs to join me). They played video games for hours each day. I felt so guilty and inadequate.

It all is fine for my DCs with schoolwork now. They’ve managed to catch up...I hope. In the totality of their lives it was better that I stayed sane(ish) and kept my job. That meant letting a lot of things slide. We’ve come out the other side okay. I’m glad I let things go and focussed on work and my MH.

This is survival .

Please try to prioritise your own mental health. Get out for a walk with your dog once a day. It will help you so much.

Everything else is fixable. You won’t feel like this forever.

Go to your GP and/or call the Samaritans if you need more help. I did both of these and it helped me to have someone listen to my despondency.

Thinking of you and everyone else who is struggling atm.

Our school is making non engagers come in, have the school said anything like that?

Same here. Online all the time isn't healthy.

Something has to drop. In this case, I think you need to stop worrying about your son's work. You can't force him, it's more important that you keep a roof over your heads and protect everyone's mental health. If the school are that fussed, they should offer him a place in school. Just do what you can, and accept that his schooling won't be optimal for now.

I can so relate to you. I had same re work and expectations of my contributions.

I also lost the plot with my DCs and took away devices at one point (then gave in and returned to keep them quiet while I was working).

I spoke with each of my DCs form teachers and said I wasn’t coping. They were more supportive of DCs once they knew I was struggling.

Please don’t worry about the schoolwork. Your DS won’t be the only one not engaging. He will be okay.

I also had a fortnight of sickleave at one point (GP recommended it and it did help short term - I just told work I was unwell - no details about me not coping). This might help you to feel less exhausted by everything

Placemarking to read this later for ideas. I have a 13 year old I'm at my wits' end with too (and I'm a teacher so i understand the systems more than most, still not coping).

Some very wise words on this thread, definitely going to apply. Funnily enough my own DM just said all this when I called her crying.

Definitely talk to the school and consider talking to your work too, especially if you’ve had some constructive support from the school so you can show how you’re trying to resolve your issues. You may find that an actual conversation with someone will gain you far more.

Please don’t feel pressured to achieve all of these things, you’re honestly not the only one struggling to balance everything and it’s important that you believe that you’re not the only one who can’t achieve it all. You’re not an outlier who simply can’t do it, the ones balancing everything seemingly perfectly are. Don’t believe anyone (work or school) who tells you everyone else is managing. I guarantee you they’re not and it’s a very high benchmark that’s been set.

Tell the school he has ADHD and he's not coping. Talk to all his teachers. You might think they must all know he has ADHD but they might not or they might not realise what a struggle it is for him at home (I say this as my lo's teachers didn't seem to be aware of his diagnosis). You and he need some support and understanding. If school aren't interested then you know you've tried your bet and you will have to let some of the work slide. Get him to concentrate on the key subjects. Forget anything that he won't do at GCSE and concentrate on the rest.

Tal45 makes a good point, I have info about any additional needs all my students have but it's all in school (and not accessible from home) so unless it's a pupil I know well I might forget if someone had adhd.
All mine is interested in is his Xbox. If he didn't have it (or a phone, or tv) he would literally sit and stare out of the window. Not all children can read books for hours or draw or build stuff. It's not easy.

Im sorry you are feeling bad op. If it helps I’m struggling this time too. It just feels harder this time? I just feel so bad for my children. I work all day so they don’t get any help whatsoever in the day and they are completely left to their own devices. I make them lunch but that’s it.
I’m struggling to concentrate on their work in the evenings and feel I’m not really helping them at all. The days just feel soooo long at the moment.

I'm really struggling. I work as a teacher 4 days a week and I'm struggling to get anything done during the day so I'm working into the early hours, I'm shattered. The weather is terrible and I just haven't managed to get out, I'm a single parent and their dad will have them one day a week but he's inconsistent and won't get much done as WFH too, although he expects me to manage. I hate it, I'm sat in tears today as my son started the day kicking, hitting me and telling me he hates me because I turned off the awful YouTube dross he was watching and tried to get him to work, he did next to nothing today. DD is 10 and she's doing a bit but it's constant attitude and nagging, she's obsessed with Roblox and YouTube too and everytime I turn my back she's on it.
I'm just going to chalk today down to experience and start again tomorrow, none of us are perfect, just got to do our best. I'm ordering wellies and puddlesuits, we are going to get out for a walk next week regardless of the weather and I'll try to get into a routine.
Onwards and upwards. It's shitty shit shit but just got to keep going.

Feed back to your school. I worry about this - constant online lessons. Currently, I am not setting the work as assignments, just as live events, be there, or miss out. But if parents complained and said "we need the worksheets and the other website work setting, so we can complete them at other times" you can bet that my school would demand that we do that.

@ohhellmytoe

Oh thanks all.

@GoldenPoppy I'm so sorry to hear that. Get well soon 

My son is 13. 14 later this year. Refuses to come for a walk with me. I totally lost the plot earlier (worst thing I could have done!) and have removed his Xbox until things start getting done.

Teachers are sending him shouty-toned emails with lots of exclamation marks about how it's not good enough that he's not attending lessons/not doing homework.

We've had a letter from school emphasising they MUST do their work and they MUST adhere to the school's behaviour policies at all times and blah blah blah. No consideration for mental health.

And work... it's year end. There's no leeway, I get that. But no "how are you doing/work when you can/do what you've got to do" messages like last time. I'm one of the only ones not in the office. I'm expected to work at full capacity in my normal working hours and it just isn't possible.

Just feel totally at breaking point.

Are you a KW? Does your son have an EHCP?

I would use those or the vulnerable and unable to access work from home to reply to school stating you appreciate everything the day and agree but it's not a working for your ds and so you want him to have a place in school.

I'm firmly in the camp of keep them home if you can but sometimes it really just doesn't work.

I'm so sorry to hear so many others are in the same boat.

I've tried to talk to DS to make a plan. I've tried to understand what he's finding hard in particular and why he won't engage. He's refusing to talk to me and actually deliberately trying to antagonise me at the moment, laying in the lounge playing sweary YouTube videos to try to get a reaction out of me. Locked me out the house earlier when I went to walk the dog.

@itsgettingweird no I'm not a key worker and unfortunately we have made no progress with getting his EHCP in place because the school Senco was shit and unreliable, said she had put things in place when she hadn't and has now left the school. I don't even have the new Senco's details yet.

I'm going to have a McDonalds and a gin and worry about it all in the morning