Nursery. Did you/your older kids barely socialise before school? Are they happy human beings?

[bytheby]

I am feeling torn about sending my toddler (2.5) going back to nursery tomorrow.

Without getting into a debate about what the right thing to do is (there are plenty of threads addressing this already) I am wondering if anyone has any experience of how kids with almost no socialisation turned out.

I hope that my own story might provide some reassurance. My parents lived in another country until I was 22 months old. They have said in that time I barely met anyone (language barrier and they knew they were moving back to the UK so didn't make a huge effort to socialise themselves). I only saw my grandparents a handful of times.

I am pleased to report I consider myself unaffected - as far as I can tell! And had a close relationship with my grandparents etc on our return.

I am worried at 2.5 my toddler should be learning how to play with others etc and is missing out. Can anyone out there use their own experience to comment?

Obviously no socialising / new experiences is far from ideal but perhaps it isn't the end of the world?

I agree that it's not the end of the world - plenty of people have turned out absolutely fine without nursery. I am, however, sending my DS back to nursery on Monday. He's 17 months and we were in a playground earlier this week and he was watching a couple of children playing hide and seek and giggling at them and it made me realise that he wants to interact with other people. It's not essential, sure, but it's definitely better for him. That said, children are incredibly resilient and adaptable so I don't think not going would have any lasting consequences. But I have to work so it's all moot really...

My children were just with me.

Especially my Ds. We lived very rurally and travelled a lot. So we didn't go groups or preschool.

He's 18 now and just fine.

6 year old Dd didn't go to preschool, although we did do a few toddler group.

Year 2 now and absolutely flying.

I was brought up the same as you by the sounds of it. I'm a loner and I hate people, but that's just me

My nephew was never in any childcare setting prior to school and he is a very bright and sociable child. Some children benefit more from the 1-1 interaction.

For my toddler she will likely see no one at all except my husband and me. No siblings, no bubbles etc. Her only opportunity to socialise, at all, would be at nursery.

It sucks. But your comments so far are comforting - thank you.

@bytheby she will be just fine

I forced my unsociable children to play groups and they hated them, they never got to the stage where they enjoyed them. They were ok but not very keen on nursery but they are now both very sociable and enjoy school. I didn’t go to nursery or playgroup and I hated school to start with but i got better as I got older. I think it depends on the child but in my experience little kids are very happy to play with their parents and I don’t think they really want to play properly with other children until they are a bit older. That could just be mine though as they obviously take after me 😀
I do think the earlier interaction can help to teach them to share etc but it’s probably fine waiting until they are pre school age to worry about it or teach them to share with you 😊
A lot of kids don’t go to nursery until they are three and it isn’t a issue. Some will be more clingy than others but they all get there in the end I think

All my dc have started school with a variety of different settings among their school mates.
There's always been a couple who have never attended anything, and haven't really socialised at all. About half have attended the (4 mornings a week) preschool close by. A few have attended other local preschools part time. A few have been with a child minder, and a few have been to full time child care.

Within a few weeks you wouldn't know which was which. Don't worry.

For what it's worth: I hated preschool totally. Loved school. My sibling was the other way round.

Thanks so much all - very reassuring! A rarity on the covid board!

Isn't it fairly well proven that kids until around age 2 at least or maybe even 3 mainly need their secure attachment person ie their parent.

It's not like babies and toddlers have much interest in other babies and toddlers. They don't play together until about 3 they parallel play' beside each other. I've got a really cute picture of DS and his 3 'best friends' ie my friends DC of same age 'playing together' ie just all standing at the same sand pit doing their own thing ignoring each other. I always assumed that groups etc were for my sanity not his socialisation.

In ye olden days in when I was a kid in our rural community there was no nursery and school didn't start til 5. You went to playgroup once a week or so and maybe saw other kids at the odd coffee morning with your mum but most days you were home with her/ granny. I consider I had an idyllic childhood and didn't miss out in the slightest.

I grew up as an only child with a single parent and never went to nursery. I did well at school and turned out okay!

Agree with all pps - keeping them with you won't cause problems. There is too much emphasis on socialising very young toddlers in our society relative to others, and not enough on attachment. Not an AP fanatic but I do think it's ridiculous when people think their 15 month old needs socialising...they won't learn interaction by being in a room with another 15 month old ignoring each other! They'll learn in their own time around adults/older kids.

Just googled 'stages of play' and I had remembered right. Children aren't even interested in watching others play until about age 2 and it's not until age 3 or 4 that they actually play with others.

My DC did go to a childminder when I was at work part time so I'm not trying to make anyone feel guilty but I was never convinced by nursery brochures suggesting it actually benefits babies and toddlers to go. I think it's fine if it's what you want or need to do and won't harm them but really until age 3 at least they absolutely are not missing out.

The thing is young kids do watch and interact, they don't play together, but they might both grab the same item or want what they see the other one with. That is the start of communication. My youngest is 1 and certainly watches her older brother and copies him. Of course she wants what he has. So there is side of it. I think it's good for them to see other children of various ages. But spending all day at nursery probably not necessary unless you have to, but kids cope and adapt. It's a shame there's not any groups with Covid as an hours toddler group twice a week is perfect !!