It’s the ‘home learning’ part that I can’t cope with.

[MegtheShark]

I know it’s a mumsnet trope to say ‘sobbing upstairs as I write this’ but I actually am, and I cry very rarely usually.

Personal situation: ds in reception, dd in year 3. Dd has diagnosed autism and ds has a significant speech and language delay. DH works out of the home (one of the narrow non key worker jobs but cannot be done from home) and I work from home.

I coped in the last lockdown because the curriculum had been suspended, there weren’t really any expectations of what to fit in to a day.

I did what I could and just did my work split earlier/later. Whenever I could we read, did a bit of maths, art, baking, walks etc. And in all honestly more screen time then they’d usually be allowed some days.

This time around...I can’t do it. I’ve just snapped and left them downstairs for a few minutes.

Work is less understanding, I have deadlines and times to stick to. Dd has to be online three times a day for register and to sit still for a brief few minutes of worksheet explanation (and learning nothing) and then 50 minutes while her poor teacher tries to manage the 21 kids still in class simultaneously. She is meltdowning constantly, I’m struggling so much and it feels like our relationship is really suffering. She doesn’t want to keep listening as the background noise of her class is driving her crazy (so much louder online for some reason!) and I keep having to get her to sit there.

Ds (thank all the gods) doesn’t have anything live, just a weekly WhatsApp. This is both a relief and makes me feel incredibly guilty at the same time, the poor little bugger is being pushed to the side between my work and to get dd through hers.

They were gathering evidence for an EHCP for ds but that’s all going to stop now isn’t it? His school has been really strict about who can come in (unlike dd’s) so he isn’t allowed. I could have sent dd but did agree that schools needed to be safer so kept her off. She can’t go in now as so many took up the offer of ‘come one and all’ that her school have said they won’t be accepting anyone else now.

God, sorry for the vent. Fully aware some will validly want curriculum to continue for their dc, I just wish to god it wouldn’t for very selfish reasons.

I just keep telling myself it’s only for a few weeks, but I don’t actually believe that.

I wish I could give you a huge hug. There have been tears in this house already too so you are not alone.

DS has suspected ADHD but no diagnosis as yet so no school place. Trying to get him to learn whist doing my job is not going well at all.

Be kind to yourself and have a word with the school and tell them if it's too demanding, they will understand.

Contact the school and tell them that the set up isn't working. Ask to be put on a waitlist for dd if someone else drops out and tell them in the meantime that you will work through school stuff on weekends.

If DD has autism with an EHCP is she not entitled to be in school? I know this is a very unpopular view on here but I would look into it.

Vulnerable children and young people include those who:

are assessed as being in need under section 17 of the Children Act 1989, including children and young people who have a child in need plan, a child protection plan or who are a looked-after child
have an education, health and care (EHC) plan
have been identified as otherwise vulnerable by educational providers or local authorities (including children’s social care services), and who could therefore benefit from continued full-time attendance, this might include:
children and young people on the edge of receiving support from children’s social care services or in the process of being referred to children’s services
adopted children or children on a special guardianship order
those at risk of becoming NEET (‘not in employment, education or training’)
those living in temporary accommodation
those who are young carers
those who may have difficulty engaging with remote education at home (for example due to a lack of devices or quiet space to study)
care leavers
others at the provider and local authority’s discretion including pupils and students who need to attend to receive support or manage risks to their mental health

OK, so sorry, didn't read your post properly. Ignore what I have said. I'm sorry you missed the boat on that but I would really contact the school and see if there is anything they can do.

First of all, don't be so hard on yourself. I would contact the school and explain that you have to work and won't be able to do the check in things. It's a couple of months, your DD is what 6/7? She will catch up. We all just need to get through this and you are doing your best.

It's entirely unnecessary for your child to be sitting for 50 minutes waiting for children in class to finish their work. Once she's finished her worksheet let her go and play on her ipad or watch tv or whatever.

You could then maybe get on with some of your work and keep an ear out for anytime the teacher says something that may be relevant to your child. Call her back to the table if necessary.

We wouldn't ask an adult to sit for that long watching a relatively boring screen. Why ask a 7 year old to do it?

Thank you, I will contact the school.

I’ve just muted the classroom din for now, dd is sat with ds painting pictures of planets so is much calmer.

The school is probably overdoing it (I'm a teacher and would not accept teaching IRL and online at the same time) because they think that's what the parents and pupils want. You're probably overdoing it because you think that's what school wants. In the meantime stress levels are unmanageable for all involved. You have my sympathies, it sounds really tough! I second the idea of getting in touch with the school and explaining the current arrangement isn't working for you.

I think its really stupid to close schools and not suspend the curriculum personally. I know that's a very unpopular opinion on MN. But the ability of parents to support their children in actually moving forward on the curriculum as if they were still in school is too vast.

As a parent we are now under immense pressure to make it work somehow or our children will actually be behind, whereas before there was no behind because the curriculum stopped.

As a parent we are now under immense pressure to make it work somehow or our children will actually be behind, whereas before there was no behind because the curriculum stopped.

Yes! That is it exactly.

OP I completely sympathise, I too am in tears at the stress of it all, expectations are so much higher this time around. I keep getting told to "relax" and do what I can, but that means my children falling behind. I am massively struggling with my 7 year old, no "issues" but he's just not of an age to learn independently, he needs someone to teach him and I am trying to work (and support, though to a lesser degree, a 10 year old).

It's utter wank, it is our mental health and our children's education that is at stake here, oh but hey relax, do what you can .

I know there must be many who feel like us but it still feels so isolating.

And that’s right, the whole reason I can’t relax is that I know she’ll fall behind if I do. And poor ds is already behind, I’ve googled/printed what I can but I’m not a professional teacher (or in ds’s case a speech and language therapist).

@MillieEpple - I also think they should suspend the curriculum. I said on another thread all this will do is increase inequalities and place pressure on working parents.

OP - you have my sympathy. I am a single parent to DS in Yr 1 and 4. My eldest is also on the pathway to diagnosis for ADHD and has severe anxiety. The last lockdown I came very close to having a breakdown. DS cannot adequately access learning and cannot handle school being at home.

Have you thought of contacting the school SENCO in addition to the class teacher? The school have actually contacted me ( I am also a critical worker but can wfh) to say they believe DS would be better in school and they class him as vulnerable. So he will be going in in 2 weeks time ( providing of course I can get him to when his younger brother isn’t!)

I don't think it's unreasonable for schools to understand you have work to do as well. Our school are doing some live sessions but the lessons are all recorded videos so you can watch them when it suits you, is it worth suggesting that at least the live session is recorded so you don't necessarily have the time pressure?

Same. We have a 13dd who has dyslexia and a ds11 who isn’t but needs prompting and gets stressed if he can’t understand something. Oh and my 4 yo who starts homework next week in teams.

They have been doing it on the kitchen table and trying to keep a 4yr away from them why they are on call is stressful.

I’m more exhausted now than when dd was a baby.

This is based on Ireland but I saw this today on Facebook and felt much better. www.facebook.com/catriona.bhaoill/posts/10158105893092840

My son is also in Yr 3 and has ASD And ADHD. He has four assignments a day and my aim is to try and complete what I can - I am not going to do all of his school work. He's not able for it. I'm not able for it.

They should make priority for children on the SEN register to return to school it's hard enough to teach a functioning neuro typical child. It's ridiculous.

In your your shoes I would be much more tempted to sack the online classes, fuck the curriculum and get through this lockdown in a way that works for your family - not the school.