Covid resentment

[Bel2018]

I feel such anger at the whole situation. I work in a school, it is so stressful.

On 10th March I lost my mum, then 2 weeks later covid landed on us. Funeral was awful only 12 allowed. I found it so stressful with me living in England and all my family in Wales. I literally drove a 12 hour round trip to attend my mums funeral because I couldn't stay anywhere.

I returned to work and worked through the last 2 lock downs. Day 2 of being back at school in this lock down and I feel drained, not by my work but by the negativity that surrounds me from some colleagues.

One of which, did attend work from beginning of first lock down all the way through to the summer holidays because her child was vulnerable! As soon as holidays started she's off to see family in London, then holiday in Croatia. Returned to work, made demands because its not safe then at Christmas holiday in Dubai!

I feel such angry and resentful to her and others who are carrying on when it suits them like nothing is wrong. I have only been home once since last March, my children haven't seen family for nearly a year. I'm finding it all so unfair, I try to tell myself I'm being silly but these feelings towards colleagues are at high, I feel like I'm going to explode.

I hear you, I have different circumstances but I feel like I’m going to explode seeing my friends share pics of their ‘bubble’ play dates when I haven’t seen my parents or in laws indoors for months to keep them safe...meanwhile it feels like everyone around me is making it harder for me to achieve my goal of keeping them safe. It feels like a battle with the world

OP, firstly I'm so sorry about your mum. grief in some stirs up feelings of raging anger - when my dad died I was actually scared of how angry I was at other people for seemingly inconsequential things - and you are entitled to your feelings. That a big loss, I wouldn't expect you to move in from it so soon

I teach too and I have also found some colleagues to be hugely negative ever since last March. It's utterly draining, I usually walk away from those conversations but if you can't it's tough. What I will say is - take care of yourself. Speak up, don't let anyone tread on you and if it gets too much please do say. Sadly the more the days go on the more I feel people couldn't give a crap about school staff, we are babysitters not entitled to safety. I get it, I do. But don't suffer in silence. Talk to your SLT, ask to be on a key worker rota. But don't put your feelings last

This pandemic has definitely made me see certain people in a different light

Hope you are ok OP. I caved today. Was at work in an office with collegues, had 8 clients come in for short meetings with me but stood right next to me showing me paperwork. 1 was coughing, one had mask on her chin as she was hot. I finished and thought fuck this and went and stood at the bottom of my mums garden and shouted hi 😊

"I feel such angry and resentful to her and others who are carrying on when it suits them like nothing is wrong. I have only been home once since last March, my children haven't seen family for nearly a year. I'm finding it all so unfair, I try to tell myself I'm being silly but these feelings towards colleagues are at high, I feel like I'm going to explode"

Sounds like you're going out of your way to martyr yourself

I felt the same op, I couldn't go to my dads funeral and had no memorial service, no ash scattering and all because of Covid, meanwhile other people were jetting off on holiday

Sinful8. Not a martyr at all. I'm not for one second saying I'm perfect.

Yes, it's very frustrating. I also haven't seen my parents for over a year, as my dad's CEV, and shielding. Yet some people are behaving like normal. As if there's no lockdown. I don't judge them, as I'm beyond that now. But I find it incredibly upsetting, and very frustrating. As they're putting the rest of us at risk, and don't seem to realise!

I gave myself a good talking to this morning, I have to let go if things I can't control. I had a good chat with a couple of my work mates today, they got it and have simpler feelings. Sometimes when we're feeling like this we think we are the only ones feeling the frustration.