To send child to nursery?

[Anotherdayanothernewname]

Hi, I can't seem to make a decision and have gone round in cirlcles and over thought this now.

I have 3 DC: 2 primary, 1 nursery. Both DP and I have been furloughed, obviously primary closed, nursery child still able to attend but not needed for childcare reasons.

Do we send him in or keep him home? Not sure what to do for the best. Sending him would give us some structure to the day and allow us to focus on homeschooling other 2. But as he doesn't need to go, are we best keeping him home? He's quite happy to go, just don't know whether it's safer to keep him home, or better for his social interactions and development to go in.

Will nursery workers expect only key worker children to attend, even though it is still open to all children?

@Nochangeplease

I do totally understand what you are saying, however our nursery have said as they are open if we don’t send I’ll still have to pay£800 a month

@Nochangeplease

This is my concern too, I know nursery wont say to not send him, but may think differently.

My reasoning behind him going in was structure and routine for the days, DC gets some social interaction with his peers. We would get school work out of the way and then get out for a walk each afternoon.

But then on the flip side, we don't need him to go. DP will be doing training and bits online but not every day, so we could manage really. It was more for DS having some normality, which would then allow us some.

But then, nothing is normal right now anyway!

@BlackInk

If you and DH were trying to work from home, OP, with two school-age children and a toddler to care for I think it would be reasonable to send him. But given you and DH are both furloughed it seems totally unnecessary I'm afraid. Surely you and DH could easily take turns to either help the older two with school work or look after the little one? Many, many people are juggling work with home-learning and toddlers/babies so what you have to deal with sounds perfectly manageable (unless you have a lot on your plate that you haven't mentioned?). Yes, nursery is open, but you haven't paid for it and don't really need it. Toddlers need to socialise and burn off energy, but you and DH can see to that can't you? The more we all minimise our contacts with others the sooner this will all be over.

^ This 100%

Personally I really don't think it's the time and circumstance to send him just for routine's sake if you don't actually need to

Sending your child to nursery IS following the rules - otherwise they’d have closed them.

Op, Dd is still going. I truly think kids being stuck at home for weeks and weeks is far more damaging than the tiny, tiny chance of them getting seriously ill. And if your nursery is following covid protocol then it will be fine.

Normality and routine is so important for littlies.

Nursery I work at has said for now anyway if children don't attend they'll still be charged. Even before that email was sent majority of the children attended Tuesday morning. So no we don't expect keyworker children only...should be really but until said otherwise..if ever . Not expecting parents to just throw money away

I would not send him in unless you had to!

I would keep him home especially as you have two adults who can be hands on all day. I am technically a key worker and it's just me at home. Dh is self employed and can't work from home (though he does sometimes take unpaid time off when I'm really struggling). That's the only reason I've sent mine and honestly I'm considering probably pulling mine out. I do work related to COVID and I'm just not 100% comfortable with it, if I can keep him home for a few weeks (my doctor friends have made similar decisions where they can). In my case, I already can't do much work due to homeschooling and even as a key worker, don't qualify for a school place, so there isn't much point. The structure would be lovely for him (and me), but for a few missed weeks, it really won't be a big deal.

I despair at the comments where people only consider the small chance their dc will get ill. It’s not really about the children we know children do not get very sick from Covid. However for the staff it could be a very different story.

I despair people seem incapable of thinking beyond themselves.

@Sooverthisyear

I despair at the comments where people only consider the small chance their dc will get ill. It’s not really about the children we know children do not get very sick from Covid. However for the staff it could be a very different story.

I despair people seem incapable of thinking beyond themselves.

This is such an utterly black and white view, and to guilt parents because they want their children to flourish and actually enjoy themselves when they have absolutely no idea what’s going on is really fucking nasty.

If I thought (and I’m sure every other parent sending their child to nursery) that I was putting the incredible staff at risk I wouldn’t even consider it.

Nurseries are open. They want the children there. They need them there or they don’t qualify for funding. So it’s a case of what’s worse? Potentially getting sick (which with robust covid procedures in place shouldn’t be likely) or the business going under and everyone loses their livelihood?

I will not be guilted into wanting the best for my child. The whole ‘greater good’ thing only goes so far.

@ostryga

So if your child does not go to nursery they can’t also flourish and enjoy themselves? Not all children go to nursery. They turn out just fine.

[quote Sooverthisyear]@ostryga

So if your child does not go to nursery they can’t also flourish and enjoy themselves? Not all children go to nursery. They turn out just fine.[/quote]
She’s been there for almost 3 years. We already did 12 weeks of no nursery in lockdown, and no she didn’t flourish. I was stressed (WFH and being a crap parent tbh because I could not stop working).

I know the risks, I don’t want any one to lose a loved one. But I am doing literally everything I can to not spread covid. I take PCR tests weekly due to my job. However, I am not going to deny my child a carefree childhood that isn’t tinged with worry and stress because she’s stuck at home and doesn’t understand why.

And if nurseries are open and parents want to send them in, that is OK. It’s really ok. They are not personally murdering people’s grandparents, they are not personally responsible for the 1000 deaths a day. That is on the govt. Who seem to be doing a cracking job transferring blame.

I'm hoping nurseries will eventually shut. I think more ppl are now speaking out for us nursery staff.And of course if we shut parents will not have to pay they didn't last time at our nursery .Quite a few petitions going round to shut them and some mps and early years alliance are speaking up for us now.

I'd send him. I'm sending my DS when my maternity leave ends in a couple of months time. Babies and toddlers have missed out on so much socialisation this year and nursery is literally the only opportunity for my DS to get this at the moment. I'm not going to stunt my own son's development for the sake of a indirect risk of protecting others from a disease which he's highly unlikely to have seeing as he isn't going anywhere or doing anything (plus I'll lose my job if I don't send him).

As I see it, me and my DS are very likely to get covid at some point because I won't be vaccinated for ages and he might never be and I'm relaxed about the risk for us. Your toddler is only a risk to nursery staff if he actually has covid and he's not likely to if your kids are off school and you are furloughed.

If the bloody government had said to close nurseries other than for key workers like last time, we would've then only had to pay a small % of our monthly bill to hold DD place again and they could've flexi furloughed some staff.

We pay monthly in advance and paid for January in full before lockdown. Why the fuck should I pay hundreds of pounds to someone for NOT looking after my child?

@Ilovegreentomatoes

I'm hoping nurseries will eventually shut. I think more ppl are now speaking out for us nursery staff.And of course if we shut parents will not have to pay they didn't last time at our nursery .Quite a few petitions going round to shut them and some mps and early years alliance are speaking up for us now.

They aren’t going to close nurseries, petitions or not.

The Tories are about MONEY. Not your safety, or your workplace being a safe place to work. They do not give a shit.

All they care about is keeping the economy going enough to prevent a total double dip recession, hence early years still open. They need to make sure their friends are profiting immensely from this whole shitshow and they can’t do that unless the U.K. economy doesn’t totally collapse.

We don’t need to send DD, I’m on maternity but I wouldn’t dream of not sending her. It’s 25 minute drive away as well. I flatly refuse to isolate my child again. I’m overjoyed nursery is still open, as is my daughter. My youngest will be starting as planned next month as well. I’m not remotely worried about covid & we can’t go anywhere else so 🤷🏼‍♀️ I don’t feel I’m putting the nursery staff at risk as we literally just stay at home, get online shops etc ..

Send him in, this lockdown is an absolute farce.
Do what is best for your family don’t martyr yourself like most of Mumsnet claim to do

If it helps, I also don’t know anyone else who has pulled their kid from nursery either. And I know loads & loads of people with nursery aged kids!

@Nochangeplease

I work in a nursery and I think it’s massively selfish for parents to send them in without a real need. Even half the parents wfh could manage. Unless they’re key workers, sen, or difficulties at home such as mental health ect I don’t think parents should be sending nursery kids in. All other parents are having to manage, and that’s with home schooling. It’s not fair on nursery staff. Nursery managers might say it’s fine, but believe me, staff are worried.

This! It’s beyond unfair that nursery workers aren’t being afforded any protection of the protection school staff are especially as socially distancing is surely impossible!

In your situation in would keep him home. There are two adults at home and free to help with schools work and childcare.

My daughter is in nursery because I work mad her dad works (and is currently on jury duty) but I would rather have her home and will be keeping her off whenever I can do their numbers are less in nursery where possible.

If there was an additional need I would understand but I wouldn’t personally just for routine and socialisation.
However they’re open and it’s your choice. I wouldn’t berate your for it.

I think we all must take personal responsibility too. I was reading an article earlier on the guardian and this paragraph really struck a chord.

“ “Unfortunately, the current situation feels much more porous. This is not just the result of a lack of political strategy; it’s about a failure of personal responsibility and the effects that individual actions can have at a communal, societal level. Every time someone socialises outside their household, or visits a relative, or has a friend round, it’s as if they’re drilling a hole in the dam. Just a small hole: what difference could one visit make? But if enough people drill enough holes, what you’re left with is not a dam, but a colander – and a health service that simply cannot cope.”

I would love my son to be at nursery too he absolutely loves it. Has been there for two years and is a total social butterfly. But these are such unprecedented times and we all do make a difference.

Your child will flourish spending time with you and your family whilst you are on furlough. Yes there will be times of utter chaos and madness. Take some photos and make a memory book of this time you have had together even just playing games or jumping in muddy puddles. My (now) 3 year old gained so much running around with his older siblings last time. And yes I say this despite the guilt that I have that he has had to play by himself for large chunks of the day whilst I sort the others out. I have 3 primary school children to educate whilst my husband is currently commuting in a lab two hours away for the next few weeks. I have health problems which means quite a lot of time in bed so we're not attempting too much but everyone needs to go easy on themselves as they adjust to this situation again. We have a box of activity cards of everything we could think of so 10-30mins maths etc (still complaints the 6 year old does less than the 8 and 11 year old!) means you get to cuddle a guinea pig/make a treasure hunt/do a jigsaw. Everyone is trying things they had forgotten they enjoyed. A paramedic friend highlighted that quote about the colander so totally agree @Sooverthisyear

@MoirasRoses

We don’t need to send DD, I’m on maternity but I wouldn’t dream of not sending her. It’s 25 minute drive away as well. I flatly refuse to isolate my child again. I’m overjoyed nursery is still open, as is my daughter. My youngest will be starting as planned next month as well. I’m not remotely worried about covid & we can’t go anywhere else so 🤷🏼‍♀️ I don’t feel I’m putting the nursery staff at risk as we literally just stay at home, get online shops etc ..

Listen i totally get that if parents are being charged then they want to make use of that service. My only problem with your statement is “we can’t go anywhere else” erm why do you think that is? Unsafe to do so, maybe...? Nurseries are fantastic for socialisation and providing early education environments, but I do feel sorry for my colleagues who are there looking after people’s children whilst they then go home and isolate, because it’s not safe for them to be out anywhere but expect nurseey staff to show up every day....😕