1 keyworker, im a sahm - should I send my child into school?

[Fieldsoftripe9]

Husband is keyworker. We are a low income family.

5 yo, 3 yo and 8 month old. I'm struggling massively with PPD and a very high needs baby who doesn't sleep in the day or at night and cries. A lot.

Struggled to homeschool and help facilitate Google teams meetings for 5 year old during isolation, in the end we logged in and logged out again.

We do not have a spare laptop/tablet and cannot afford to buy one and we do not have any quiet area of the apartment for our daughter to work, never mind with my help.

Our school is allowing children of 1 keyworker into school. I do not feel like I can support my 5 year olds learning at the moment. I'm lucky if we can all just survive the day with no other expectations.

Should I relay this info to the school and send my child in or should I just accept my daughter wont be able to do any learning at home other than playing with her toys and tell them so?

School Admin Officer here. If I got your email I would personally hand-deliver ok maybe not it's covid times the request to the relevant member of SLT and make sure they actioned it. Be honest with the school, I'm sure they will welcome her. In my school we would have an iPad and data stick for you to borrow if you thought that would make home learning easier so ask about that too.

And to quote another poster you will only be taking your place. You are the sort of family the spaces are available for.

I agree with not stressing about home schooling, my ds missed the whole of reception because we lived in a different country. He caught up completely after one term of year 1 in uk.

If your mental health is suffering, I would be inclined to speak to the school and send him in .

Send her in. I had pnd, baby and toddler and that was already too much

In your case, yes. But if you didn't have PPD, definitely not, even though I appreciate it's really tough juggling 3 under 5.

Unless you are going to take a place of a child with two keyworker parents (which I suspect is not the case if they are offering places to just one keyworker parent), then I would send her. It will benefit both you and her

I really wouldn't if your primary concern is about home-schooling. We, like many other families, are WFH full-time and won't be able to fit in home-schooling. We tried it the last time and it was impossible. The kids all ended up in front of the TV all day long. It's not ideal but many people are not in the position to be able to support home-schooling while working, so your 5 year won't be alone.

You have post partum depression and a high needs baby. If you feel your child being in school would benefit your mental health, your school child and your other children then I think you should explain that to the school and send her in.

Your husband is a key worker and so you qualify for a place, I would also consider your child might qualify as vulnerable also. You are as much entitled to a space any other key worker parent and it sounds like you may need it more than many. I would suggest maybe your depression is why you are questioning whether you are entitled or not as often when we are depressed we feel we are not worthy of compassion or help - you are.

@BlibBlabBlob

Talk to the school and make whatever decision is best all round.

I would say, though, that not missing out on a bit of schooling at 5 years old is NOT the end of the world. Schools are closed to minimise household mixing to try and keep a lid on the virus - the more kids in school, the more household mixing, and while the kids themselves are safe they could bring it home to parents and others who then become ill and possibly place a burden on the NHS. Also, the more kids in school the greater the chance of there being a positive case and the whole bubble needing to close - leaving the children of frontline medical staff etc without any childcare.

Today was our first day of online learning. In a year group of just over 60 kids, HALF of them were in school. So they crammed them all into one classroom to be taught by one class teacher, and the 'at home' half had the full attention of the other class teacher.

We really, really need clearer guidance on what circumstances are appropriate to send kids to school, and what are not. I suspect a lot of them are there because it's not possible to work effectively from home with kids there. But if only those with SAHP keep their kids off, there's little point in saying that schools are closed because they really aren't.

Here, I'll be getting up at 5am to get a few hours' work in each day before waking DC for online school. Then trying to supervise/support DC all day. Then working again from 3pm to 9pm. It's going to be f**king awful. But surely it's the right thing to do? Both DH and I are key workers but we can keep DC at home. How on earth will schools manage if everyone in our position sends them in?

Given the email we've had today I'm pretty sure too many kids just turned up at our school today chancing their luck.

Previously the school took a flexible approach but this time around the head has written a strongly worded email about the problem being that this new variant is more transmittable so they have an obligation to both the staff and the parents who are front line staff, to keep the numbers as low as possible because every child increases the risk to the whole group.

If there is one parent available to look after the children at home they are not allocating a place to them. If they are keyworkers who work from home they are not allocating a place to them.

This is a marked difference to last time. Last time the school had an unusually high number of children.

From what I've seen in the parent chat today there are a lot of piss takers. Lots of parents in melt down about not wanting to switch on their own printers or how they don't know how they will wake their child in time for home school.

The teachers have the patience of saints for dealing with some of the bullshit I've seen today.

My situation was different op but when I had a newborn and a 6 & just turned 4 year old, a key worker supported me in getting the disabled 4 year old into a special needs school early. I took him out of mainstream nursery and he went to 'big school' nearly a year before he was due to.

It made my life a fuck tonne easier, I felt horrifically guilty but it meant I could bond with my baby and hang onto the shreds of sanity I had left.

Send her in - do what's best for you and try not to feel bad.

I suspect in your circumstances the school will be keen to help you, and not see this as at all cheeky to ask. You've got a number of challenges there that you need support with. Talk to your HV too OP, who will be able to add evidence to the school for a place if needed.

You’re unwell plus no access to additional device to access the learning. I would never want to have a child at home when we could be taking the load off and having them in school in this situation. This isn’t a “I’m a SAHM but it’s easier for me if my child goes in” case, there’s mental health and also socio economic issues that I feel totally justify sending your child in. And that’s coming from someone with a class of 20+ children full time over this lockdown - we do want to keep numbers down where we can for the safety of everyone but this is not a situation where I would be advocating for that as the priority.

Oh and please don’t do the passive aggressive ‘assuming you were in a lockdown’ crap with me. If you’ve suffered with PPD you’ll know it makes no odds, on your own or a room full of people, you’ve never felt so bloody lonely and miserable in your life.

I do agree and I do understand. I would however urge you to recognise that lockdown adds another dimension of isolation which can constitute the straw which broke the camels back. It's important that we encourage mentally vulnerable women to access the services which cocoon them from deterioration at this time - and that includes school placement, which is offered to them for this exact purpose.

If you fulfil the criteria, which it appears you do then send her.

And even if the school are absolutely unable to squeeze another child in (and the school for one of my kids last time was able to offer a day or two a week for families in hard situations if they couldn't manage full time) there are still other things they could do to help. I'm sure they will want to do what they can

Can anyone tell me what a not high needs baby is like?

Oh please don't belittle and pick apart a woman obviously having a very hard time.

Yes, obviously all babies are high needs. Some babies have challenges that make them more demanding on parents than others. You don't need to kick someone who is down.

On a serious note, do what you gotta do OP. As others have said, don't worry about your daughter missing education. Spending time, playing games, bit of reading is more than enough. She won't get a normal quality of education at school and all kids are in a similar boat so no need to worry about falling behind. If you feel like you won't cope with all 3 at home in lockdown and PPD then yes use the break. You'll still have two children at home though and the school day isn't really that long. Kids under 5 are exempt from the 1 on 1 meeting outdoors. Can you go for walks? Support groups are also exempt as are support bubbles. Can you join one?

If you're allowed to and it will help then yes, do so.

Please check there isn't a waiting list for a space.

I say this as a mum with an autistic/adhd daughter who self harmed last lockdown and I'm a single parent keyworker. I can't get a space for her.
Just to say I'm keeping youngest home as I can just about juggle his learning for DD it's more her mental health that means she needs school.

@Bonkerz

Please check there isn't a waiting list for a space.

I say this as a mum with an autistic/adhd daughter who self harmed last lockdown and I'm a single parent keyworker. I can't get a space for her.
Just to say I'm keeping youngest home as I can just about juggle his learning for DD it's more her mental health that means she needs school.

@Bonkerz - I am so disappointed on your daughters behalf Mental health services are a disgrace and the school should be bending over backwards to help a self harming child