To feel very alone and stressed in being a rule follower

[wheretoyougonow]

I don't really know how to express this but I'll give it a go. I am feeling so affected by people not following the rules. Normally I would try and stick to worrying about my own family but it feels everywhere. I am a rule follower and I do this for two main reasons. I don't want my family to be ill and I don't want to spread it to someone.
I am in tier 4 and we are supposed to be on lockdown. I haven't seen my work colleagues in nearly a year and one on my sons has been asked to leave school three times in one term due to classmates having positive tests.

This week my lovely neighbours, who are in the high risk category, have gone out everyday. They have been sale shopping, out with visiting family in different areas etc. You get the gist.

Facebook has been advertising a car boot sale starting up again today. Friends are going.

The most excitement I have had is a daily walk. I've stuck to what has been asked. I'm emotionally at breaking point. I'm bored, worried about my children's education and in a job where I desperately need to be back in the office. Yet I still won't break the rules because I want this to be over ASAP.

Mumsnet has very strong opinions on Coronavirus but I just wondered if there is anyone else out there following the rules, feeling in the minority in doing so and emotionally exhausted/frustrated?

I understand how you feel. We have been compliant and yet I am concerned about my children returning to school tomorrow because I know that others at the school have not been following the guidance over Christmas as evident from their SM.

We have followed the rules TO THE LETTER. Tier 4. We have a Y11 and Y12 They have been in school when open every day no isolations. I have tested positive and been laid low since Christmas Eve. I can only assume I got it from my village supermarket where they insist everyone wears masks or asymptomatic transmission from my DC. I can’t understand people being so blasé.

I have had to learn to switch off from what other people are doing. Over summer it was really pissing me off that people were having parties. Yes, they were in the garden. But they were posing for photos with arms round each other! People seem to think if they're in a group of 6 or whatever then they don't have to still distance, but they do!

What I am finding tough however is being left out of family events because of wanting to stick to the rules. Like, my dad had a birthday party in early December when we were in the short national lockdown. I chose not to go, but dropped his presents off. He asked me to come in. I said no, sorry. It caused such a big argument. I hate that sticking to the rules actually makes you the bad guy so much of the time at the moment.

OP, I haven't caught Covid so far (or asymptomatic and unknown if I have). My MH isn't in tatters. I'm not monitoring my neighbours. The reason why is because when the rules have been loosened, I did things that make me happy. Visits to my uncle is his garden during summer and autumn, lunch, drinks or coffees in open air cafes with friends this summer. Long walks with friends and family and a takeaway coffee. You should have done this when it was allowed. What stopped you being with your parents in outside spaces this summer? Even chairs outside their door?
Do you remember Chris Whitty saying at the beginning that people get lockdown fatigue. You need to avoid this. I don't have school age children. Your neighbours could argue that by continuing their education in school, your family is contributing to community spread. You can only control your own responses to a situation.

We haven't spent time with family for over a year due to covid.

What got to me was other extended family members all piling in at Christmas in tier 4 area. Four different families in same house for three days. They weren't prepared to follow the rules.

They all seem well at the moment so I'm hoping they didn't spread covid.

They justified the meeting up. I'd read an article on people using rules to bend them to their own justifications so they can carry on doing whatever they please.

It's another example of why we need black and white, very clear rules for the masses to follow.

My ex is currently breaking rules and I really want to report him.

He has taken Ds to his brothers house. Ex and his brother are both shielding.

Now I wouldn't really be bothered except ds has stuck to rules and not seen his friends (he's 16 and his friends took the mick 🙄) and because ex gave Ds so much stick for meeting friends during lockdown 1 (I'm sure it was ok to meet up to 6 people then?)

I'm not going to report ex, I just can't stand the hypocrisy

I try not to get cross about what other people do, but I do get cross when they are the people breaking the rules are the same ones who argue for more rules!

I have a neighbour who is arguing that schools must close immediately and there should be a strict lockdown. The same neighbour left our Tier 4 area to go to a Tier 2 area to do her Christmas shopping, and seems to have four different Support Bubbles despite none of them being single adult households. When I said I would be alone for Christmas, she asked if I wanted to join one of her bubbles!

I am not cross that she's breaking the rules, I am cross that she expects everyone else to live under even stricter rules when she doesn't follow the ones we have.

Yes I’m livid. I’ve posted on here before... I tried to pull my kids out in sept as I’m high risk but the head pursuaded me to stay and reassured me, she made me feel nuts for thinking we could get it. My 4yo tested positive just before Xmas, then my 7yo. My husband has literally just left to get a test as he’s woken up ill and I’m terrified.
Why I’m writing on this thread is we did EVERYTHING by the book, same as you OP nothing but walks and reluctantly sending our kids to school. That’s it. We’ve had food deliveries etc... meanwhile I’ve watched everyone around me break the rules daily, not giving a fuck about anything or anyone but themselves and the joy in their lives while tens of thousands die here and we become one of the worst hit countries in the world. This has made me HATE British people. I’m disgusted with the way most people I know have been acting and fucking livid that we have to pay the price for this.
And for people saying that it doesn’t affect Children and that it’s ‘fake news’... my 4 year went for a walk yesterday and asked to go home after 10 minutes, I found her asleep on her bedroom floor shortly after. She’s exhausted all the time and I have NO idea what this thing has done to her but it’s been over two weeks and she still sleeps all the time and won’t eat. I’m so angry right now it’s unreal. I fucking hate everyone

There was one of the medical experts talking on Radio 4 a couple of days ago saying 1) that evidence shows compliance to be around 85% - which is pretty good! and 2) it would be helpful if media were not focussing on the rule breaking, because it gives rise to the feeling that you're odd for complying - whereas in fact the opposite is true - you're odd if you're not complying.

Like someone else said up thread you can’t control other people’s behaviour. You will make yourself ill worrying about what other people are doing, your mh will suffer, if you get Covid you won’t be in the right place to fight it.

I'm avoiding the rule breakers when I'm out and have altered the things I do eg If I have to visit the supermarket, I go late at night. I've stopped swimming for the moment because other swimmers can't do as asked and are stopping at the end of lanes for a big chat with someone in the next lane making it hard to turn at the end without getting close to the chatters.
My son (he's 20) and I are both big rule followers and we are getting into trouble with people calling us out for this for some reason. Early on, some complete stranger asked me why I was wearing a mask in a shop and was I 'living in fear'.
People behind me a in a queue have complained to me about not going into a shop and I have to explain I'm waiting for the 'green light' (there is literally a green and red light) and then they get annoyed with me.
I'm caring for an 86 year old relative on a daily basis and also lost my Mum during the first lockdown so yes I am worried about inadvertently passing Covid on to my relative and I'm sticking to the rules and I don't need people to judge me for that.

I’m struggling too, OP. I haven’t seen my own parents in over 18m now (circumstances and house move put a pause on visiting them over winter and then covid hit). I’m increasingly becoming more and more worked up at the people I know who are sometimes just working within shoddy advice and sometimes bending the rules to allow social interaction wherever they can. We will soon get to the point where it has been years since I saw my mum and yet everyone else around here seems to see theirs all the time.

I am tested every week even on my days off I go in to be tested. I wear a mask everywhere I go mainly shopping and ppe at work. I see 1 friend in my bubble and respect social distancing I'm getting annoyed now with all the idiots who are not following the rules

I get it - I’m 7 months pregnant and really laying low now only really getting out for walks!

However I get why people are going to shops and car boot sales, outdoor markets - it’s about all we are allowed to do! I still go to the farmers market every Sunday it’s outdoors and it’s become almost the highlight of my week as it’s the only thing I get to do now! It’s not breaking the rules - and shopping in whatever shops are open is not breaking the rules!

I don’t really care what others are doing - some friends had a bloody New Years party at their house with 3 couples - don’t agree with it but it doesn’t affect my life - I won’t be seeing them any time soon / be exposed to them so find it hard to care what they are getting up to!

If you chose to stay home see nobody then what difference does it make what the neighbour is up to - you won’t be exposed to them surely ?

I am not too worked up by others 'breaking rules' but wanted to pop my hand up as someone who's pretty much only been to an occasional food shop or walked the dog in isolated fields for the last 10 months.

You are not alone, OP. There are lots of people doing their very best to keep safe and follow the guidelines of the moment.

I know what you mean, OP. I haven't even followed the rules 100%, but generally done my best. In doing so I have missed out socially and I worry it has weakened some friendships. In particular I worry that my DS(6) has had a shit year, which is a massive proportion of his life, while knowing that his friends' lives have essentially continued as normal.

It would have been easier of course if everyone made the same choices, and I do wonder when I look back whether I will feel I made the right choice by complying.

I’m trying not to think about it or it would really wind me up. I have been upset by extended family behaving in a way that puts my grandad (and through him, my Mum) at risk.

We’ve followed all the rules and been extra cautious. At least if we catch it, I know I’ve done all I can to protect my family.

I've followed the rules but when they were less restrictive I ate out, went to the hairdressers, went away for a couple of long weekends and I'll do the same when the restrictions are lifted again. I'm struggling now I can't do anything but I'm glad I made the most of it when I could.

@naffoff There is no legal reason why you cannot travel from one area to another for exercise. The guidance may advise against (I’m not sure if it does, I only read the legislation) it but it is perfectly legal.

I think a lot of people seem to get angry at others when in fact they are not doing anything wrong.

@Horizons83
You are wrong. You can travel for exercise. But the list for travelling outside of Tier 3 is very specific and does not include exercise.
It is limited to work, medical reasons etc.
I know because I wanted to make exactly the same journey on the same day and carefully read a very long government webpage about whether I could and it was not allowed to travel from Tier 3 to Tier 2 for exercise.

"You should still avoid travelling outside your tier 3 area other than for the reasons such as those above."

The reasons listed above did not include exercise.

I did not say it was illegal, but it was still not allowed.

The argument that you should not be concerned what others do is a little unfair. If your child is going to school in a class of 30 others, you are effectively mixing with 30 children, all their siblings, 30 to 60 parents and all their contacts. So other people's behaviour does affect you.

We follow the rules and my adult DC do. I guess I brought them up to follow rules and it goes against the grain for them not to.
DS just did a 3 hour round trip to collect something from here. We handed it over at the gate, went for a walk in the rain and he went back.
I am ECV and when the rules were relaxed I did go out. Went to shops and to stay in a self catering cottage.
In hindsight I wish I had done more - little did we know in July that the infection rates were the lowest they have been since the start.

I agree OP. It is pretty soul destroying. I'm a teacher and have stuck to the rules to the letter. I guess all I can do is minimise my risks by continuing to follow the rules and avoid people who choose not to follow the rules.

If you want to stick to the rules and even invent stricter ones for yourself (such as all these people who still didn’t leave the house over summer) then go ahead but I would mind your own business regarding everyone else. I do not even understand how you have time to notice other people’s behavior to the extent that you have. People are fed up and rightly or wrongly they are starting to break the rules. Covid has been the sole focus of the government for nearly a year now and not a second thought has been given to the mental health crisis we have created. There are posts on here demanding a full lockdown, that support bubbles and meeting one person outside must be banned, that we should cut all contact with those outside of our own household and I can tell you even if that happens people will not obey. We have to start prioritizing mental health and the impact long term isolation has on this. Covid is not the only risk. As a new mum this year meeting a friend for a walk and a chat now we are in T4 is the only thing keeping me going at the moment and if it gets banned I will still be doing it, the risk is low the risk of not doing it is high and it’s as simple as that.