Should I report?

[SisterlyCare]

My mum has recently moved in with a man who is in his fifties.. she is a bit on the shy side and has politely asked him to take precaution because of covid..

He has been selfish.. goes to his adult kids who are university age every single evening - which is fine and understandable despite pushing boundaries..

But then, he apparently has been telling her he goes to a cafe to meet his siblings and friends “in the open air” every single day! I thought cafes aren’t meant to be open but this is a privately run cafe by his friend and it still seems to be operating.

I’ve told my mum to strictly tell him not to.. but she has been too polite abs he is pushing boundaries despite it being her house.

My early twenties brother lives with her.. AND she was caring for her elderly (80s) father but I decided to take him on when I found out her partner is wreckless..

Today she told me he is showing symptoms..hasn’t tested yet. I’m totally convinced it’s coronavirus.

I do a huge song and dance about how I managed to save grandad from dying.. and how she should’ve known better and how she should isolate the man..

He wasn’t budging and so I told my mum if she doesn’t tell him to isolate in his own room I’m going to call the police and report him and the cafe he attended..

It worked and she found her courage to tell him to piss off to the other room.. but I’m afraid he is gonna totally push boundaries when he could.

I want to report the cafe.. I should shouldn’t i?

Yep. Go for it.

There's two issues here.

If there's a cafe that's open against the rules then yes, you're entitled to report it. However if they're meeting outside is the café doing take out which is legal?

Secondly, your mother is a grown up. She doesn't need parenting by you. You're brother is also a grown up so unless you come back and say he has additional needs, he can choose to not live there is he's not happy.

It sn't her job to isolate her partner. She's a grown up in a grown up relationship and you haven't suggested she's being abused just she's "any".

And frankly doing a big sing and dance about how you stopped her killing her father just makes your massively immature. Your don't know the bf has it, of your mom will catch it, is she'd have passed it on or what would have been the outcome of that.

It's great you're isolating so you don't see anyone so you can care for him but you offered, stop throwing it in her face that you've decided you have to take over because she's so useless

What's the harm in reporting the cafe? If it's legal then nothing will happen. If it's operating outside of the rules, then the cops will shut it down as they should. All the rest is OP's family dynamic for her to deal with as she sees fit, surely?

I’m totally convinced the man is abusive..

She says no, she just thinks he has aspergers.

Whatever it is, she has history of being abused and making excuses. He absolutely within the short space of the relationship had no regarded anything she wants or needs or says unless we pushes her to stick up for herself for basics...

Therefore, I’m totally within my rights to question this stranger who moved into our home recently and spreading virus all over it.. while my grandad with dementia is sat there inhaling it..

I have 2 under 3, and no I didn’t “offer it”, I don’t think killing my vulnerable grandad was a feasible choice !

If you think she's vulnerable and he's abusive focus your energy on that not this cafe. What's your brother's perspective? How long has she known him?

SleepingStandingUp

There is a whole lot of detail on the dynamic but I wanted to focus on the legalities of what’s happening with regards to Coronavirus.

My brother is paying half of mums bills and had to stand up for mum when the guy was whining that he doesn’t want to pay any rent or bills.. so I’m very glad brother is there. e. We are all pissed off really.

She has known him for a year.. he moved in with her 2 months or so after she met him, and have been having major issues with him being a massive freeloader ever since.. but slowly working at it.

I posted this on another thread...I know someone who has reported a house with parties and large groups meeting there since march...zero action so far. Report if you want but be realistic about the results.

Back to the topic though.. I guess I won’t report the cafe.. to me it’s because he is friends with the cafe owner and meeting friends who are all friends with the cafe owner and literally every single day from morning till late evening spending there time there. Whether inside or outside I don’t know but I’m pretty sure they’re not taking any necessary precaution.

My grandad is meant to be shielding and the rest of grandads family won’t be happy to know.

My mum has requested from him to take precaution and is absolutely not happy with him spending all days in a cafe while he is entirely jobless and mum is overworked and facilitating his lifestyle..

However the power dynamic in the relationship is so much so he thinks anything she says is just a suggestion and everything he says is the holy grail..