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Covid Cautious Brother

12 replies

JennieLee · 02/01/2021 17:30

I have two brothers. One older, one younger. The younger one is in his mid fifties. He lives alone and works remotely. Overweight but otherwise in good physical health.

He seems the most cautious one in terms of trying to avoid all contact with other people.

On Christmas Day, he drove up to my older brothers house to see his sister-in-law and our elderly mother and stayed for 90 minutes. He arrived halfway through the meal, but would not sit at the specially (extended ). Instead he hovered at the kitchen island some way away. He brought his own coffee. He would not eat any of their food, though ate some cheese he bought himself. He avoided using their toilet.

After that he went and drove to a Marriott Hotel in the nearest city and spent the night there before driving back to his home town on Boxing Day.

I suppose I worry that Coronavirus has adversely affected his mental health, so that his concern to protect himself has taken on a rather obsessional quality.

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 02/01/2021 17:33

He probably did the right thing tbh especially if your elderly mother was in the house. He can be as careful as he wants and that doesn't mean he has a mental health issue

Manzanilla55 · 02/01/2021 18:21

I would sooner know more people like him than all these covid deniers that exist.

viccat · 02/01/2021 18:30

Don't underestimate how worrying it is to live alone and think about what it would be like to get a bad case of covid. So many threads here from people who are ill with it talk about how their DP is looking after them and making sure they are OK- if you live alone (as I do too) there's no one who could help at all. Others saying things like they were breathless and struggling for up to six weeks. Not a great thought when you're alone. I wish people would stop judging others for choosing to remain cautious and keep safe.

picklemewalnuts · 02/01/2021 18:36

He has very little risk as he works remotely, and shops enough for one. He's basically really safe. Any amount of prolonged contact with other people massively increases his risk.

In comparison other people, who have a certain amount of constant exposure- longer, bigger shopping trips, children in school public transport or an office, the interaction with family inside wouldn't register as much of an increase at all.

BlueBaubles12 · 02/01/2021 18:49

He’s clearly taking it very seriously but nothing about what you’ve described makes me think he’s obsessive. Some people are just more cautious than others; live and let live.

JennieLee · 02/01/2021 18:55

Yes, I can see that if he lived alone, there would be no one nearby to keep an eye on him, bring him food etc. And I am sure this is one of the many things on his mind - and may well explain his being ultra-cautious.

My own feeling is that most of us doing a trade off. Seeing real people - I've mainly been doing this through walks - is good for our mental health. But yes, any social contact indoors does up one's risk of infection.

(I had my own Xmas dinner at a trestle table in an allotment!)

OP posts:
Chemenger · 02/01/2021 18:59

Speaking as someone in their 50’s who has made it this far without getting COVID, and is looking forward to being vaccinated, he seems very sensible. My brother decided not to come to us for Christmas at all, he lives alone. The end is in sight, why take risks now?

Trumplosttheelection · 02/01/2021 19:15

I don't think that was disproportionately risk averse. He probably found that very hard to do and had created his own regime he was happy with. I see no issue.

Mindymomo · 02/01/2021 20:39

My brother is 61 and lives alone. He also is very careful, going out for walks 3 times a week and shopping every 10 days. We speak every 2 days and I know his friends keep in touch, but we understand if he get ill, there is no one to look after him, so he does all he can to minimise contacts. He came round Christmas Day and had lunch and afterwards sat as far from us as possible and also came on a dog walk with us. I wish everyone was the same as our dear brothers.

Lifeispassingby · 02/01/2021 21:28

I wasn’t able to mix at Xmas as we are in tier 4. Whilst we still in tier 3 we already decided we wouldn’t see any family over Xmas (even when we were allowed the ‘5 days freedom’) does this mean we have mental health issues??

JennieLee · 03/01/2021 11:53

I think family/personality differences can be highlighted with Covid.

For example my younger brother wanted the two of us to hand over family presents on the doorstop. As I'd not seen him for some months - and am unlikely to see him for a while, I indicated that I would rather go for a walk with him to catch up, and that I felt there was minimal risk involved. (I didn't want to both see him and not see him.) He agreed and this was satisfactory.

I think my sister in law found it difficult to have a visitor who pitched up in the middle of an important family/celebrator meal - who wouldn't sit at the extended table, or accept any food or drink and hovered around the margins. She, her Dad, my older brother, our mother present had all observed all relevant regulations and not socialised with people outside their bubble. (It's also quite difficult to relax over food when people are standing around - a bit like restaurants when waiters are too zealous and won't leave you to enjoy your meal.)

I think the idea was that he was supposed to time his call for when the meal had finished, in which case his choices would have been less jarring. But he pitched up early.

So effectively he was that 'awkward' relative who made Xmas that bit more difficult for the others.

We shall hope for better things in future!

OP posts:
Nikki078 · 03/01/2021 12:08

'So effectively he was that 'awkward' relative who made Xmas that bit more difficult for the others'

Sorry OP but it sounds like you're not really worried about your brother's MH but about your sister in law possibly feeling awkward and the meal not being as relaxed as you'd like it to be?

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